Vivian Arend - Rocky Mountain Haven

Beth tossed a few more pillows on the couch and pointed firmly. “Sit.”

Jaxi opened her mouth to protest then slammed it shut, lowering herself and curling her legs up. “You know, it’s not often I agree to this kind of nonsense.”

“Nonsense?” Karen Coleman shoved a potato chip into her mouth. “You mean abandoning the guys, ordering a pizza and putting your feet up while you do nothing for an entire evening?”

Jaxi grinned sheepishly. “I will admit getting pizza brought in is a treat and a half. But it feels weird to leave Blake for the night, if that doesn’t sound all little wimpy girlish. I like spending time with him, even if we are married and all.”

Karen laughed. “I hope you’re still enjoying his company. You worked hard enough to catch the man.”

“Damn right, I did.” Jaxi raised her glass of juice. “So, what do you want to gossip about then? Who’s got a hot new beau they want to share about? Although, Beth, you can’t share anything because hearing you talk about Daniel and sex would be way too weird.”

“So this isn’t a pre-pre-baby shower?” Beth teased.

Jaxi snorted. “Hell no. I’m only in my first trimester. I hope I’m not really showing for a good long time, because you know it’s going to get impossible when my belly is big enough the Coleman boys remember every second of every day. I won’t be able to move, they’ll try to wrap me so tight in cotton.”

“You’ll get enough real baby showers from the rest of everyone down the road. Tonight is just a break—anything the pregnant mom-to-be wants.”

“Pickles and ice cream?” Karen’s sister Tamara poked her head out of the kitchen, pushing the door open with her shoulders and bringing in a tray covered with goodies.

“Don’t be trite. That’s so stereotypical.” Karen removed a few items from the table and helped balance the load on the way down. “Hmmm, but chocolate chip cookies are good even if you’re not preggers.”

Beth smiled at the small group of women gathered in Tamara’s apartment. “Sometimes the stereotypes are true, sorry to say. I had cravings with every one of my kids.”

The conversation took off, and Beth leaned back happily on the couch, diving into the chips and dip and enjoying some female companionship. The knock on the door came far sooner than any of them expected. Beth glanced at her watch in surprise.

She opened the door to discover Daniel’s red-cheeked smile. “Is it really that time already?”

“It’s late, and you said you were going to turn into a pumpkin if you didn’t get to bed on schedule.” He slipped into the room and pulled off his toque and gloves. “Ladies. I’m the taxi service for the night. I have to steal away two of your party, if you don’t mind.”

Karen threw popcorn at him. “Spoilsport.”

“Saucy thing. Hey, you going to stop by and help clear the ice for the skating party before Christmas or should I tell my dad not to bother?”

“What? No ice? That would be anti-holiday. That’s like announcing no toboggan party on Boxing Day. You being the Grinch or something?” Tamara handed over a paper bag and Daniel frowned. She grinned. “Leftover pizza. Don’t ever say the Whiskey Creek Colemans don’t take care of you better than you deserve.”

Jaxi shrugged on her coat and boots, and Beth joined her, bundling against the cold. She turned to give both Karen and Tamara big hugs. “Thanks, girls, that was just what I needed. And anytime you want to come over, you let me know.”

Daniel led them to his truck, and Beth ended up hip to hip at his side, hot air blowing hard over the three of them as they shared the bench seat. “That was a lot of fun. Thanks for inviting me, Jaxi.”

Jaxi leaned back, head resting on the window. “Yup, no problem. The girls are sweet, and I love doing stuff with them. Hopefully they’ll be able to stay in the area.”

“Why would they leave?”

Daniel answered first. “Tamara’s got her nursing degree and the apartment in town, but Karen and their little sister Lisa are interested in working the land. It isn’t easy to convince their dad that they can deal with doing ‘a man’s job’.” He shrugged, his hands firm on the wheel as he took them back over the slippery roads. “I don’t agree with Uncle George, especially since Karen is one of the best horse women I’ve ever seen. But…tradition.”

Jaxi’s eyes were closed. “Tradition sucks.”

“I’m not arguing with you, Jaxi. Just telling how it is.”

Beth rested her hand on Daniel’s thigh and let his heat warm her fingers. They were all quiet for the rest of the trip, Daniel driving Jaxi right up to the guest cabin. Blake was there immediately, coming from the main house to wrap an arm around her.

“I’m hitting the sack—this being pregnant is wiping me out. Night, Beth. Daniel, thanks for the ride.”

They waved her off and Daniel backed up carefully. “You too tired for a short walk? You’re dressed for the weather—I thought we could walk the trail back to the Peter’s house—leave my truck here.”

Beth smiled. “A walk would clear a few cobwebs before I try to sleep. The babysitter is—”

“Shoot, I forgot about her.” He changed route and headed down the main drive and around to her front door. “Change of plans. We’ll still go for a walk, but this way I can drive Sandy home, okay?”

Beth took a deep breath of the cold air, the slight tinge of wood smoke from the fireplaces bouncing on her tongue and making her senses come to life. She tucked her glove-covered hand into the crook of his elbow, and they stepped along the well-packed trail. Her boys didn’t give fresh snow any time to accumulate without racing through and marking it up with toboggans and miniature snowshoes.

They were nearly halfway around the loop before she realized she hadn’t said a word. “Sorry, I’m not being very good company, am I?”

Daniel tugged his arm in closer and squeezed her fingers. “Figured you had something on your mind. I don’t need to be filling the air with noise to enjoy your company. But if there’s something you want to talk about, I’m here.”

Beth stopped to stare over the snow-covered field. The moon shone down, creating a narrow strip of glimmer in the midst of the powdery white. “I had a good time tonight.”

Daniel stepped behind and wrapped his strong arms around her, tugging her to his body until she was surrounded. Protected. “Why does that sound as if you’re trying to convince yourself?”

“No, I did have fun. Just…made me think all kinds of things. Sort of one thought led to another, and my brain is so full right now I’m not sure if I’m coming or going.”

He hmmed, but other than that, simply waited.

She was telling the truth. She’d enjoyed the outing—but it stood in such sharp contrast to what her life had been like before, the comparison hurt. The memories ached.

“I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. Getting out for a night alone…rarely happened. I enjoyed myself, and yet the pleasure of it made me sad that I missed time and friendships over the past years.”

She tried to say it plain and simple. No blame, because there wasn’t a place to put blame anymore.

Daniel turned her to face him. “I can see that. It’s almost a teeter-totter, or as if you’ve been given something and then had it taken away. You didn’t know how much you’d miss it because you’d never experienced it.”

Beth sighed. “You’re a wise man, Daniel.”

He shook his head. “Not really. Just, well, it’s nothing like what you’ve dealt with, but I know…”

This time when he paused, Beth was the one to touch his chest and get his attention back from where she’d lost him. “What’s going on in your head?”

He spoke slowly. “I don’t know that it’s the time for that talk. You warm enough?”

“Tons warm.” She rested her head on his chest and synchronized her breathing with his. “Daniel, am I a terrible person for being a tiny bit jealous that Jaxi’s pregnant?”

He sucked in a quick gasp. If she hadn’t been touching him so intimately, she probably wouldn’t have noticed. “I don’t think you could do anything that would make you terrible.”

Beth clung to her inner fears, refusing to voice them. She might have said they were going to open up more, and she was trying. Even the confession she’d just made was hard enough.

Other secrets were staying buried and dead.

“I am jealous. Just a little bit of me.”

“Doesn’t make you a terrible person. You got your reasons, and that’s facts and life. If you want to know…” He let out a long slow breath. “I understand, maybe not for the same reasons, but I’m a bit jealous myself.”

“You are?”

He cupped her face, his glove warming quickly against her skin. “Well, not that I want morning sickness and a big enough belly I can’t see my toes, no. Maybe I should have said I’m jealous of my brother, but that could sound as if I wish I’d knocked up Jaxi, and that’s not it either.”

He was trying to reduce the stress, she understood where his lighthearted words came from. A laugh escaped in spite of the burning inside. “I can’t have any more babies.”

His smile vanished. “Damn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been joking around. I—”

She covered his mouth with her hand. “You didn’t know, and I get it. But I wanted you to know. It’s awkward, but it’s a part of my life. I had a miscarriage after Robbie. It was bad, and I…”

Her throat choked up tight.

He squeezed her again, pushing out the pain and allowing her to hide her face. Or was it for his own sake? She wondered a moment later when he spoke toward her ear, his face buried against her neck. “I can’t have kids, I mean, not get anyone pregnant. Caught the mumps last winter and it did a number on my system.”