Kristen Ashley - Rock Chick Revolution

I was sitting there thinking I would never get an answer to this question at the same time I was thinking there was nothing for it. I had to go in, even with Ren there. I needed clothes, and my clothes were in Ren’s house. So even if he wasn’t going to be cool and let me get in and out without hassle, I had to get my meager belongings.

But before I did that, I knew I had to make a clean getaway. Therefore I had to have somewhere to get away to, and I’d made my decision on the drive there where that was going to be.

I pulled out my phone, found the contact and hit go.

On ring three, Daisy answered, “Everything good, sugar?”

“I ended things with Ren and I need a place to stay,” I announced and ignored her sharp gasp. “Can I crash with you and Marcus for a couple of days?”

Silence before she asked, “You ended things with Ren?”

My eyes got hot and my voice was husky when I requested, “Please, Daisy. Not now.”

This bought me more silence, but it lasted a lot less time before she said, “Absolutely, darlin’. I’ll go up and make sure one of our guest rooms is ready for you and I’ll be doin’ that right now.”

I so freaking loved Daisy.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“No problem, baby,” she whispered back. “Now, you get here when you get here and we’ll sort you out.”

“Okay, Daisy.”

“See you soon, sugar.”

“Right.”

I hung up before she could keep being sweet. I didn’t have a lot left in me before I lost it, and Daisy had a lot of sweet and that would undo me. So I had to cut that off. Pronto.

I twisted his key off my ring in order to be ready, angled out of my car and hoofed it to Ren’s.

Get this done and get gone.

Done and gone.

I tried the door, found it unlocked and walked right in.

The TV was on and Ren was in jeans and a tee, lounging like the hot guy he was on the couch, watching it. But the minute I entered, his eyes turned to me.

My mouth filled with saliva.

I tore my eyes from him and made a beeline to his kitchen.

I heard the TV go off.

I didn’t take this as a good sign.

I dropped the key on his counter and moved out of the kitchen.

He caught me at the doorway. Arm hooking my waist, he shuffled me to the side and closed in so I was back to the wall and Ren was pressed to me.

I looked up at him and his face was set to sweet.

Somebody.

Please.

Kill me.

“We need to talk this through, baby,” he said in a voice set the same way.

But this time there was no way he was going to get to me through his sweet.

“We haven’t talked about much in all the time we’ve been together,” I replied. “Except this. And we never agreed. I’m thinking we never will. You’ve got a life to lead, so do I. So I also think we should get on with doing that.”

His free hand came to my jaw and I fought swallowing because I didn’t want him to get anything from me. He already had enough.

In fact, everything.

“You love someone, you compromise. We’ll find a way to compromise,” he told me.

“What you mean is, I’ll find a way to compromise,” I told him.

“Ally—”

I was losing it, so my voice was scratchy when I asked quickly, “Why are you doing this?”

His fingers flexed into my flesh and his face got closer when he answered, “Because I believe in us.”

“There is no us,” I returned.

“There’s always been an us, but I get you needed not to believe in that and why. That said, you can’t deny there’s been an us the last three days, honey.”

“That was all fantasy.”

He blinked and whispered, “What?”

“That Ren and that Ally don’t exist. That was just you and me wanting to believe we could. But we couldn’t. We fight. We don’t agree on important things. We want the same thing in different ways. We don’t work, but for those three days, we pretended we do. We can’t pretend anymore, Ren. We have to be honest, see this isn’t going anywhere and move on.”

“So you’re saying right now you’re going to get your shit and leave and not sit down and see if we can work on finding a future we both believe in?” he asked.

“What I’m saying right now is that I think all that’s been said has said it all.”

“Right, then, you’re not in a space right now where you’re up for talkin’ about this, so I’ll ask you don’t make any decisions. Stick with me, sleep beside me, and tomorrow when we’re less raw, we give each other that time.”

I shook my head. “Nothing’s going to change, Ren.”

“It won’t if you don’t give it a shot, Ally.”

I held his eyes and laid it out. “You don’t believe in me.”

His jaw got tight.

Yep.

He didn’t believe in me.

Fuck.

Again my fucking eyes got fucking hot, but again I powered right the fuck through to end this.

“Even if I could talk you around, I can’t live with a man who doesn’t believe in me. And I can’t do what I have to do out there with half a mind to wondering what you’ll think about this case or that decision or a client or how you’ll react when I come home and tell you about my day. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that shit if you trusted me. Believed in me. But you don’t and you won’t, because you don’t want this for me, or for you, or for our future. So what is the fucking point of dragging this shit out now when it already hurts in a way that if we even gave it days, it would kill?”

He took that as an in. I knew it when he pressed deeper and his face got closer.

So I moved to end it.

“You’re not the man for me, Ren, and I’m not the woman for you. We’re done and when I say that it is not a Rock Chick done where you can be badass or cool or whatever and talk me into changing my mind. I mean that in an Ally Nightingale way, where I know what I want and I’ve found the path that leads to a future that’s exciting to me. So when I say we’re done, I mean we’re done.”

With that, I pulled away, sliding out from in front of him and walking quickly up the stairs.

I had not had time to scatter my shit to the four corners of Ren’s house.

Which was good.

It meant what I had to gather took little time.

But it didn’t matter.

Because I barely hit his bedroom before I heard the front door slamming.

When I had it all gathered, I went to the window and looked down to see the Jag was gone.

So the coast was clear.

Nevertheless, I wasted no time double checking that I had absolutely everything.

And then I got the fuck out of there.

I opened my eyes and stared at the early morning light peeking through Daisy’s curtains.

I knew I hadn’t slept long. This was because I cried most of the night.

Yes. Me.

But I did it in Daisy’s pillow so she nor Marcus would hear.

When I arrived the night before, she took one look at me and gave me space. That was, she took me to a room, asked my preference and brought me a glass and a bottle of tequila.

Then she touched my cheek and whispered, “We’ll talk in the mornin’, sugar.”

She closed the door on her way out.

I didn’t take even a sip of her top shelf tequila.

I’d never been heartbroken, not like this, but I’d stood behind a bar countless times listening to those who were. And I’d noted, repeatedly, imbibing didn’t much help. Although that had been my preliminary plan, with the bottle and glass available to me, I instead chose the pillow and giving myself the opportunity to let loose the shit crawling inside me in an effort to get it out.

This didn’t much help either.

I’d had two calls in that time. One from Indy, the other from Roxie.

This meant Daisy nor Hank and Lee had shared with anybody, except my brothers told their wives. But Indy and Roxie told nobody. If they had, my phone would never quit ringing and The Castle (or Daisy’s house, which looked like a castle; no joke, complete with moat), would be descended on by Rock Chicks.

I was grateful for that, so much you wouldn’t believe. And I texted both Indy and Roxie to tell them I’d connect with them later, I needed some time, and they texted back that they’d give that to me.

By the way, Ren had not phoned. He had also not scaled the wall and broken in the window in order to press his suit.

This was not a surprise. I’d been pretty inflexible with the way I ended things.

But this meant I definitely wasn’t a Rock Chick. None of their men ever gave up.

That wasn’t bitching. It was just an observation that didn’t feel real great. Anyway, with the way I felt, I was glad Ren didn’t do this. This was mostly because, when I had time to let myself feel all the things I was feeling, I knew if he came back to me and pushed it, I’d cave.

Again.

Yes. Me.

Ally.

Caving.

That was how much I loved him.

So I told myself maybe it indicated how much he loved me that he was going to let me go, which was the only way he could give me what I needed.

And although this thought was cool (kind of, in a rip your heart out way), it didn’t make me feel any better, mostly because it ripped my heart out.

But now was now and I had a day to face.

I also had money to make. I had to find somewhere to live. And I had to find a way to get through Luke and Ava’s rehearsal and dinner without totally losing it in front of everybody.