Declan, who liked his food plain, ordered steak, chips and some french beans.

‘And we’d like a bottle of No. 32, and bring us another whisky and a dry Martini while you’re about it,’ said Charles. ‘Hasn’t he got a sweet little face?’ he added, lowering his voice.

As soon as the waiter had disappeared to the bar, however, Charles returned to the subject of Corinium: ‘The entire staff are in a state of revolt. They’ve all been denied rises, and they’re forced to make utterly tedious programmes in order to retain the franchise. James Vereker’s ghastly “Round-Up” is just a wank for local councillors and Tony’s business chums; and the reason why Midsummer Night’s Dream is taking so long is that you can’t get a carpenter to build a set — they’re all up at The Falconry building an indoor swimming pool and a conservatory for Tony, when they’re not installing a multi-gym and Jacuzzi for Cameron.’

Declan grinned. Charles, he remembered from the BBC, had always had the ability to make things seem less awful.

‘Nor,’ added Charles, draining his third dry Martini and beckoning to the pretty waiter to pour out the claret, ‘are the staff overjoyed that you’ve been brought in at a vast salary — yes they all read the Guardian yesterday — to wow the IBA. Gorgeous Georgie Baines, the Sales Director, who’s stunning at his job incidentally, and whose expenses are even larger than mine, went straight in and asked Tony for a rise this morning. Tony refused, of course. Said they were paying you the market price. Depends what market you shop in, shouted Georgie, and stormed out.

‘Thank you, duck,’ he added as the waiter placed a plate of liver reverently before him.

Declan stubbed out his cigarette. Suddenly he didn’t feel remotely hungry any more.

‘Anyway,’ said Charles, cheering up as the Martinis began to take effect, ‘the staff like the idea of you, Declan. Christ, this liver is ambrosial. I’ve told them you’re a good egg.’

‘Thanks,’ said Declan dryly.

‘They all admire your work, and they can’t wait to see the fireworks when you tangle with Ms Cook.’

‘I already have,’ said Declan, watching the blood run out as he plunged the knife into his steak. ‘Tell me about Tony.’

‘Complete shit, but extremely complex. One never knows which way he’s going to jump. Believes in deride and rule, plants his spies at all levels, so really we’re all spying on each other. But he does have alarming charm, when it suits him. Because he’s so irredeemably bloody most of the time, when he’s nice it’s like a dentist stopping drilling on a raw nerve.’

‘What’s the best way to handle him?’

‘Well, he claims to like people who shout back at him like Cameron does; but, unfortunately, after a row, you and I can’t make it up with him in bed, which I bet is where he and Cameron are now. Things were so much more peaceful when he spent all his time in London, but the IBA’s warning him to spend more time in the area neatly coincided with his falling in love (though that’s hardly the word) with Ms Cook, so he’s down here making a nuisance of himself most of the time now.’

Charles suddenly looked contrite.

‘You’re not eating a thing, dear boy. Have I upset you?’

‘Yes, but I’d rather know the score.’

‘My budget has been so slashed,’ said Charles, pinching one of Declan’s chips, ‘that I intend to interview two rubber dummies in dog collars on the epilogue tonight. Not that anyone would notice.’

‘Will Tony leave Monica?’

‘I doubt it. Any scandal, even a piece in Private Eye, is the last thing he wants with the franchise coming up. The pity of it, lago, is that Ms Cook is very good at her job, once you dispense with all the crip-crap about checking out on your availability. I’ve acted as her walker at the odd dinner, when she had to take a man and didn’t want to rouse Tony’s ire. And she can be quite fun when she forgets to be insecure. If she had someone really strong to slap her down, there’d be no stopping her.’

‘There doesn’t seem much stopping her at the moment,’ said Declan gloomily.

‘If she gets on the Board, we’re all in trouble,’ said Charles, pinching another chip. ‘But we have great hopes you’re going to rout her, Declan; now let’s have another bottle and you can tell me all about poor bored Maud, and that ravishing son of yours.’

Back at Corinium, James Vereker fingered the prettiest secretary from the Newsroom with one hand as he re-read today’s fan mail for comfort with the other.

‘I do really think,’ he said petulantly, ‘Tony might have had the manners to introduce me to Declan.’


10


A fortnight after Declan started at Corinium his younger daughter, Caitlin, went back to her new boarding school in Oxfordshire, and his elder daughter, Taggie, disgraced herself by being the only member of the family to cry.

Caitlin’s last week at home coincided with her mother Maud discovering the novels of P. D. James. As a result Maud spent her days curled up on the sitting-room sofa, holding P. D. James on top of a pile of games shirts, shorts and navy-blue knickers. When anyone came into the room, she would hastily whip the clothes over her book and pretend assiduously to be sewing on name tapes. The same week Grace, the housekeeper, discovered the local pub.

As well as getting the house straight, therefore, and feeding everyone, and coping with Grace grumbling about the incessant quiet and imagined ghosts and having to drag dustbins to the end of a long drive, the task of getting Caitlin ready for school fell on Taggie.

It was not just the gathering of tuck, the buying of lacrosse sticks, laundry bags, and the New English Bible (which Declan hurled out of the window, because it was a literary abomination, and which had to be retrieved from a rose bush) and the packing of trunks which got Taggie down. Worst of all was scurrying from shop to shop in Gloucester, Cheltenham, Cotchester, Stroud and finally Bath, trying to find casual shoes and a wool dress for chapel which Caitlin didn’t think gross and the school quite unsuitable.

Caitlin spent the morning of her departure peeling glow stars off her bedroom ceiling, and sticking large photographs of Gertrude the mongrel, Wandering Aengus the cat, Rupert Campbell-Black and smaller ones of her family into a photograph album, and dressing for school. On the first day back, girls were allowed to wear home clothes. By two o’clock she was ready.

‘Are you auditioning for Waiting for Godot?’ asked Declan, as she walked in wearing slashed jeans and an old darkblue knitted jersey she’d extracted from Gertrude’s basket.

By two-thirty the car was loaded. Only then did Maud decide to wash her hair and glam herself up to impress the other parents. They finally left at four by which time Caitlin was in a frenzy they were going to be late.

‘Goodbye, my demon lover,’ she cried, blowing a kiss to Rupert Campbell-Black’s house as the rusty Mini staggered down the drive. ‘Keep yourself on ice until I come home again.’

No one spoke on the journey. Declan, with his first interview in a week’s time, could think of nothing but Johnny Friedlander. Maud was deep in P. D. James. Taggie and Caitlin sat on the back under a pile of lacrosse sticks, radios, records, teddy bears, with the trunk like a coffin behind them.

After three-quarters of an hour they reached the undulating leafy tunnels of Oxfordshire, and there, high on the hill surrounded by regiments of pine trees, rose the red-brick walls of Upland House, Caitlin’s new school.

‘My head ought to be filled with noble Enid Blyton thoughts about comradeship,’ grumbled Caitlin to herself, as they were overtaken by gleaming BMWs and Volvos bearing other girls and their belongings, but all she could think was how embarrassing it was to turn up with such famous parents in such a tatty car.

As they arrived so late, all the beds near the window in Caitlin’s dormitory had been bagged, and Caitlin had to be content with the one by the door, which meant she’d be the first to be caught reading with the huge torch that her mother had given her as a going-back present.

While Taggie, her fingers still sore from sewing on name-tapes, unpacked the trunk, Maud drifted about wafting scent and being admired by passing fathers. Declan sat on Caitlin’s bed gazing gloomily at all those glass cubes full of photographs of black labradors, ponies and double-barrelled mothers looking twenty years younger than those in the dormitory. He wondered if he’d been mad to let Maud persuade him to send Caitlin away.

He also thought how incredibly glamorous the other fourteen-year-olds looked, drifting about with their suntans and their shaggy blonde hair, and how excited they would have made Johnny Friedlander with his penchant for underage girls.

As they left, with all the girls surreptitiously gazing out of the window to catch a glimpse of Declan, Maud did nothing to endear herself to Caitlin’s housemistress by calling out, ‘Don’t worry, Caitlin darling, you can always leave if you don’t like it.’

‘’Bye Tag,’ said Caitlin cheerfully. ‘Don’t cry, Duckie. I’ll be OK. Keep your eyes skinned for Rupert. I won’t look while you drive away. It’s unlucky.’

‘She’ll be all right, sweetheart,’ said Declan, reaching back and patting Taggie’s heaving shoulders, until he had to put both hands on the wheel to negotiate the leafy tunnels once more and was soon deep in thought again.

‘Don’t be silly, Taggie,’ snapped Maud irritably. ‘I’m Caitlin’s mother. I’m the one who minds most about losing my darling baby, but I’m able to control myself,’ and she went back to P. D. James.