“Did Cromwell ruin this one, too?” she asked.
He stepped away from the door. “I don’t think so. I think it burnt down before he got to Ireland.”
They were all alone here, the chattering tourists with their cameras left behind at Cashel. Nan walked over to a stairway and peered through the bars that blocked the way. “Don’t you wonder what it was like? Who lived here? What they did every day?”
Riley nodded. “I suppose I never thought much about it,” he said. “These ruins are just part of the landscape here.”
“I guess you don’t really appreciate something you see every day,” Nan said. “It’s only interesting to strangers.” She sent him a winsome smile. “I think that’s why you find me so interesting.”
He took her hand and they walked out the Gothic doorway into the cloisters that ran along one side of the church. There was so much history in this one spot that she found it difficult to take it all in.
Again and again, she was astounded at how this country had captured her imagination. Everywhere she looked, there was something pulling her in, as if she’d walked in these same footsteps in another life. Though her ancestors had come from this country, until she’d landed at Shannon, she’d never really given that a second thought.
“Do you believe in reincarnation?” she asked.
He gave her an odd look. “You mean like coming back in another life as a cat or a tree?”
“No. More like past lives. I feel so…different here. There’s something about these places that we visit. Even the cottage. It’s like I’ve been here before. I’ve never felt that way any other place.”
It wasn’t just her relationship with Riley or the fact that this place was the home of her ancestors. Nor was it her mother’s connection with Ireland. No, she felt this bond deep inside her soul, as if it were part of her DNA.
She climbed up into one of the arches and stared out at the countryside. There was no place more beautiful. The thought of leaving Ireland made her heart ache and yet she knew this wasn’t home.
“You look like some ancient high priestess,” Riley said, “standing there with the wind blowing your skirt.”
She smiled, then turned to face him. “I can understand why people believed in the power of this place,” she said. “I can feel it all around me.”
“It’s all that Irish blood pumping through your veins,” he murmured.
She’d refused to discuss their argument from the previous night. Nan still hadn’t made a decision about what she was going to do. Though she wanted to know the truth, talking about her mother might be more upsetting than she anticipated. Since arriving in Ireland, her emotions had been unpredictable. What had begun as a simple quest to meet an old girlfriend of her mother’s had turned into something so much more complicated.
“Give me your hand,” Riley said, holding his out.
When she did, he carefully removed the ring he’d given her. “What’re you doing?”
“What I should have done the first time I gave this to you. Come with me.” He wrapped his hands around her waist as she jumped down, then he led her to the doorway blocked with iron bars.
The bars were just far enough apart for Riley to slip through and when he was on the other side, he reached for her. “Come on. Let’s see where this goes.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “No. They don’t want us to go in there. That’s why they put bars across the doorway.”
“They didn’t put them close enough together,” he said. “So they must want us to slip through.”
“What if we get caught?”
“By who?”
“Whom.”
“By whom?” Riley said. “There’s no one here. And I don’t think we’d be breaking any laws. I promise, you won’t regret it.”
Reluctantly, she stepped through the gate and into a winding stairwell made entirely of stone. Some of the steps were crumbling but it was so solidly built that Nan didn’t even hesitate before starting the climb. They came out on the top of a high wall, a perfect lookout to the countryside around them.
“Oh, look at this,” Nan cried. “It’s amazing.”
“I told you,” Riley said. He walked over to the wall and sat down on it, dangling his feet over the edge.
She joined him, leaving her legs on the safe side of the wall. Riley took her hand again. “I need to fix something,” he said. “I want to do it right now.” He put the ring on the end of her finger. “When you wear the heart pointing out on your right hand, it means you’re looking for love. But when you turn the ring around, and the heart points at you, that means you’re taken.”
Nan stared down at her finger. She’d worn the ring for two days, believing it was just a pretty piece of jewelry. But suddenly, it meant something more. “I don’t understand.”
“I don’t, either,” Riley said. “I’ve been trying to figure this out since the moment we met. But something seems to be happening between us and I have a need to try to define it. So, this is as close as I can come for now. I want to be with you, Nan, and only with you.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know. For as long as you want to be with me. But if it’s longer than ten days, don’t be afraid to tell me. You can stay, Nan. I want you to stay.”
Nan looked up into his eyes and saw the truth in his words. And now that he’d said what she’d hoped to hear, Nan wasn’t sure what to do. It had started as a wonderful vacation love affair that had a very clear beginning and end. But now, everything had changed. He’d offered her a choice and she wasn’t sure whether she had the strength to make it.
“So, it’s like we’re going together?” she asked.
“Yes.”
She giggled. “It seems a bit silly. I mean, we’ve already slept together and more than just once. I just assumed you wouldn’t be doing the same with other women.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he said. “That’s in the past. This is about the future.”
Nan frowned, biting at her bottom lip as she considered his words. “I have to go home on Wednesday.”
“No, you don’t,” Riley said. “You’re an adult and you can do whatever you want. You can stay. For the rest of the summer. You can stay until Christmas or forever, if you choose to. You just have to make the choice.”
“And what about you? What will you do if I choose to leave?”
“I’m not sure. I guess I won’t really know until that happens.”
She looked down at the ring. Tears welled up inside her and she fought them back. Was this what her mother had gone through, leaving the boy she’d loved? Had she even considered staying? Or was she certain that her destiny wasn’t here in Ireland? Suddenly, Nan needed to know answers to all the questions she had. There was only one place to find them, only one man who could tell her.
“I do care about you,” she murmured. “And I think it’s easy for you to ask me to stay. You don’t have anything to lose. You’re not leaving anything behind.”
“What are you leaving?” he asked. “The way I see it, you’re all alone. Your parents are gone. You don’t have any brothers or sisters.”
“My life is there. A life I built for myself. Could you just give up everything here and move to the States?”
“I think I could. If it meant we might have a chance.”
She shook her head, then took off the ring. “I can’t do this,” she said, holding the ring out for him to take. “This is all happening too fast.”
“No,” Riley said, pushing her hand away. “I want you to keep it. Turn it the other way, I don’t care.” He cursed softly. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s all right,” she said. “I’m not angry.”
He drew a ragged breath, than pasted a smile on his face. “Why don’t we just forget this conversation ever happened. We’ll rewind.”
“All right,” Nan said. She put the ring back on her finger, this time with the heart pointing out. But it was impossible to erase the words he’d said. And though she’d heard him, Nan wasn’t really sure what he’d meant. Was he making some kind of commitment to her?
Nan walked along the wall and stared down at the old graveyard. Ancient Celtic crosses marked the resting places of people who’d been forgotten generations ago. These people had loved and laughed and dreamed about the future.
She drew in a sharp breath. Maybe they were trying to tell her something from beyond the grave. Maybe she needed to take a chance, to live her life by her heart and not her head. Life was too short for doubts and hesitation.
She had three more nights to decide, three more nights spent in his arms. Nan made a silent promise to herself. When it came time to make that decision, she wouldn’t think. She’d just allow herself to feel. If she did that, everything would turn out right.
NAN DECIDED TO SPEND Monday on her own. Though Riley hadn’t been happy with the decision, she wanted to put a bit of space between them after his “proposal” at the abbey. She was finding it more and more difficult to think logically and rationally when she was around him. He’d asked her to stay and Nan had almost convinced herself that she could.
He’d made it quite clear how he felt and what he wanted, yet Nan wasn’t sure she could even make such a momentous decision. But she had made a step in the right direction. She’d decided that it was time to pay a visit to Carey Findley. She’d promised to be back in time for dinner, telling him they’d make a picnic and walk down to the bluffs to watch the sun set.
The drive to Kealkill had been simple given the map she’d found in the car. But as she’d neared the village, Nan had noticed signs for a castle and a stone circle, so she’d deliberately taken a detour, needing more time to work up her courage.
She stood in the center of the old stone circle, located in another farmer’s field just outside Kealkill. Yes, she was wasting time, loitering at a spot where pagans had danced and paid homage to their gods. With a soft sigh, she walked around the small circle, her palm dragging across the weathered stones.
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