Lorelie Brown - Riding the Wave

“I did what I thought was right. I’d have done the same for my own mom.”

“Except she’s not your fucking mom. She’s mine.” Something sharp and mean twisted him from the inside. His voice dropped sharp and low. “How far will you go, Avalon?”

Confusion clouded her eyes. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“How far will you go to be part of the family for real?” Christ, he’d put so much of himself out there already. But if she’d been hiding something that she had to have known would hurt him that badly . . . “Do you actually even want me? Or were you hoping to marry in?”

Her head jerked back as sharply as if she’d been smacked across the face. “You bastard.”

“No answer? Kinda suspicious.”

“You really think I’d sleep with you for . . . What? Some archaic sentiment? Because I like your mom and sister a lot? If that’s the case, why don’t I bang Sage, hmm?”

She snatched up her bag from the corner and started shoving the odds and ends of her belongings in. Her tiny bikini bottoms from the end of the bed. A bottle of lotion from the nightstand.

Every move screamed her fury. Well, good. Because Tanner was as pissed as well.

“I don’t need this shit two days before the Pro.”

A bitter smile twisted her mouth as she tossed a glance over her shoulder. “Funny. That’s pretty much what I figured. You know. When I decided to go behind your back. It was the primary reason I didn’t tell you and all.”

“Oh, so sorry,” he said, sneering. “I didn’t realize there was a good reason for my girlfriend to lie to me. It’s all good now.”

“Was I ever your girlfriend, Tanner?” She slid the zipper of her bag shut and it was a wonder he could even hear it over the harsh rush of his breath and the pulse that still slammed inside his skull. “Or was I one superconvenient fuck? If you’ve got to have a photographer hanging around, might as well take extra bonus points for nailing her.”

“Don’t make this my fault.”

Her shoulders curled inward. A glassy sheen spread over her eyes and her lashes fluttered against quick blinks. But somehow she dredged up a tremulous smile. “It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault.” Her throat worked over a clench. “Come over to your mom’s with me. Mako will be there soon. We’ll all sit down and talk.”

And that almost made it worse. Because she was still making nice. Smoothing over the family. The family that wasn’t even hers. He wanted her to keep fighting for herself. To be spitting mad at him. She’d almost been there, so close his breath had caught.

“I want you, Avalon. You, not any of the other shit. Can you say the same about me?”

Her expression shuttered down. The soft pink of her lips opened, but then slammed closed again. The battle against her tears was lost and one went skating down the curve of her cheek. Misery on the wing.

Seeing his girl crumple so suddenly rocked Tanner down to his soul. He wanted so badly to grab her, to hold her close. Keep the two of them locked up until the rest of the world fell into the ocean. But he couldn’t afford that right now.

And to be honest, he wasn’t sure if he could. He wasn’t going to fight for something that wasn’t actually there. The relationship he’d thought they’d been building could have as easily been nothing more than hormones. Because it was obvious to see where her loyalties lay.

So he didn’t touch her. Not even when she walked by close enough for him to smell her sea-salt sweetness.

Instead he kept his arms crossed over his chest and his chin tucked down. The door shut on the silence of the room.

And she was gone.

Avalon had to get her shit together. Standing on the front step of the house she shared with Tanner’s sister and mother was not exactly the place for crumpling into a tiny ball and sobbing until her lungs fell out.

She’d wait for that until she got upstairs.

But first, she had to breathe. Her chest felt like it was fifteen inches smaller than it had been just an hour ago. But that wasn’t any excuse.

She blinked, turning her face up toward the palm trees lining the street and the breeze that did absolutely nothing to ease the hot ache behind her eyes. That was all pending tears. Nothing to be done about it. At least she’d managed to beat back the few that had fallen as she’d left Tanner’s house.

This shouldn’t have been any surprise. And yet it was. A tearing, gasping-for-oxygen sort of surprise.

The stairs had never seemed quite so steep or long before. For regular suburban construction, they were fairly Escher-like. Never ending. But she was eventually in the quiet of her room.

Alone.

She shut the door quietly behind her, the soft snick of the latch holding no bearing on the violent tumult of emotions inside her. This was where she belonged. Where she should be.

And where she’d always known she’d end up. Keeping Eileen and Sage happy was easy. It was everyone else, men particularly, who became so twisty and confusing.

She wanted to tell Tanner to go to hell.

She’d also wanted to tell him that she needed him, desperately. That she’d do anything to keep him happy and, hell, to keep him. But that hadn’t been what he’d meant. And she’d had no idea how to separate him from the rest of it. Everything was so badly bound up together.

The right thing became more difficult to tell when she’d fallen in love. There was only Tanner in her mind and she’d thought keeping everything quiet until after the Pro would help. But she’d been so damn wrong, at least in his eyes.

When she put her back to the door, she melted as if her bones had turned to liquid misery. She slid down, down, her knees folding in front of her. The moment her ass hit the floor, it was like she unlocked.

A harsh sob racked her throat with tiny knives. She shoved the back of her hand into her mouth, but it was too late. The tears burned.

She’d known it was coming. There shouldn’t have been any surprise. Yet there it was, a raw hole inside her chest that refused to yield. This was more than simple hurt. It was open and cruel and flat-out hideous.

And it all came from inside her. She’d earned this. She’d known what could happen and she’d flown headfirst into the fray. Didn’t care.

Another sob choked in her throat, swallowed before it could ever find voice. She sniffled but nothing could hold back the tears. Candy hadn’t ever liked drama that she didn’t cause herself, so Avalon had learned to cry quietly. But it didn’t make it any easier.

A knock on the door at her back made her twitch. The heels of her hands made poor tissues but she swiped the wet away from her eyes anyway. “Who is it?”

“Me.” Sage’s voice was quiet. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Christ, talking was hard. The very act shoved more sobs up into her chest, clawing their way out. She gritted her teeth. She didn’t want to worry Sage. “No problem here.”

“Are you sure?” The doorknob twisted but obviously Sage wasn’t getting very far with Avalon’s butt planted in front of the door.

“Fine. Sure.” She swiped at her eyes over and over, but they wouldn’t quit leaking. “You can go, it’s no biggie.”

There was a long pause and for a moment, Avalon thought Sage might have gone away. And to prove she was as crazily neurotic as ever, she had a painful flash of resentment that Sage would take her word so easily.

Something poked her in the ass, a bare quarter inch above the floor. She scrambled to her knees. A pencil.

Sage had stuck the eraser-end of a pencil under the door and was poking at Avalon. “If you don’t let me in, I’ll pester you ’til you come out. You do realize that, right?”

“Okay, okay.” Avalon took one more useless swipe of her eyes, this one with the back of her wrist, as if that would help. But she was still a mess.

She kept her face averted as she opened the door, then immediately grabbed a handful of tissues and went face-first across the bed. Warm lavender and vanilla filled her head, but it wasn’t enough to drive away the pure spun sadness. If anything, it made it worse.

Sage dropped to the floor on the far side of the bed, where Avalon’s head had landed. Her long legs folded underneath her butt, she stroked Avalon’s hair away from her face. “What happened?”

The sobs Avalon had been holding back so well finally won the battle. A harsh, painful drag up her throat, then her chest collapsed in on its own black hole of hurt. All because she couldn’t even explain. Didn’t have the words.

Saying she and Tanner had broken up wasn’t exactly true. Because they hadn’t ever really been a concrete thing in the first place. And only in his absence did she realize how much she’d invested in him. How much she’d wanted to believe that they could be something. Nothing fancy. Not forever. Just to . . . be. With Tanner.

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. But the tears wouldn’t even stop. “Tanner and I are done.”

“I didn’t realize you cared about him this much.”

Face buried in the comforter, she shrugged her shoulders in a stupid gesture. “Maybe I didn’t realize, either.”

“Does he know?”

Another shrug. “Doesn’t matter. I screwed up.”

“Mako?” Sage’s hand ran over Avalon’s head in a soothing gesture.

“Yes.” Her mouth crumpled around the word. She dissolved into another round of tears.

But Sage didn’t go anywhere. She sat next to the bed, providing the comfort Avalon had always absorbed like a greedy sponge.

This, here. This was why she’d been willing to balance everything on a knife’s edge. Because Sage had always been there for her. And she knew without a shadow of a doubt that Eileen would be patting Avalon’s back if she knew. This was home. This was where she ran when her wounds bled too deeply.