He tries for another stab at Adeline. “She’s a lousy designer, and frankly, if you’re looking for a quick fuck, you could do a lot better.” I’m fuming at his words and bite my tongue to stow my fury. Adeline doesn’t need to be present for me to want to defend her, and besides, this freak is just plain wrong. Adeline is an impressive designer, and I could never and will never find a more amazing woman than her. There is no doubt of that fact in my mind.

I stow my rage as effectively as possible and follow Lear from the building. I will absolutely be changing the locks tomorrow. As I exit directly behind Lear, her eyes meet his for only a moment before flitting away. She’s so terribly intimidated by this man, and it makes me want to hurt him. She doesn’t deserve to fear him, and he doesn’t deserve her fear.

As I climb in next to her once more, she speaks. “I’m so glad you were here.” She reaches for my hand, and I spend the next many long moments stroking her hand, wanting to pull her to my lap but instead watching Lear to ensure he leaves. Adeline had no reason to be at the site alone today, but it’s more than conceivable she might be one of these days, and the nightmarish thoughts of what she could have endured had I not been here with her hit like a fist to the gut. I have no doubt that alone with Lear, he would hold nothing back and would do everything in his power to humiliate and destroy her.

Instead of going out to dinner, I opt to take her home with me. Neither of us are in the mood for going out, and once we arrive at my home we settle on ordering Chinese and curl up together on the couch. When the doorbell rings, she jumps in my arms, and I pull her tight to my chest before letting her go to get the food. She’s really rattled by our encounter with Lear, and I don’t blame her, but I want to push it out of her mind and set her soul at ease.

We sit on my leather sofa with the food between us. My appetite is gone, and from the looks of it, hers is too; the all too frequent glances she steals at me with a nibble on her lip tell me she has something on her mind. But so do I.

“I think we should talk to Foster about what happened.” I find her eyes as they open wide and hold mine, but she shakes her head. “Adeline…”

“What for? He showed up at the site. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was an asshole, but we already know he’s an asshole. Hell, he didn’t even touch—”

“He sure as hell would have if I hadn’t been there. I don’t trust him,” I interrupt. My expression must be harsh, given the tightness of my muscles, but she’s still shaking her head.

She shakes her head without saying a word, and it’s clear by the contemplation in her eyes she’s still debating something. Meeting my eyes once more, she confesses her worries. “Could you be fired for this?”

“‘This?’” I mock with a small smile. Her small smile passes her lips, but the wrinkle in her brow tells me she’s serious. She wants an answer more than my mocking. “You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Of course I do! I don’t want to be the reason you lose your job.” Her expression is concerned, incredulous even. “And for what? I’m the one-night stand, the booty call. You don’t do ‘next times.’ Remember? You can’t risk your career for this. Not for me.”

The passion in her voice is compelling were her words not so completely divergent from what I want, what I need from her. “If you want to stop, we’ll stop.” My guts clench even as my lips utter the words.

I feel as though she’s threatening me even though I know how irrational this is, but then she stops me cold with her next words, and a guilt I hadn’t allowed myself to consider grips my conscious. “What about me?” Her words are quiet as she seeks my eyes. She’s not accusing, not in the least, but I feel accused.

My gaze drops from hers. “I don’t want to jeopardize your internship.” But of course I have! “I just can’t stop with you. I’m sorry.” My eyes finally find hers again, and the emotion behind her eyes is everything I feel: sadness, defeat, emptiness, and dread. But it doesn’t really matter what pain this realization causes either of us at the moment. Her safety is still front and center in my mind. “Regardless, I want to tell Foster what happened with Mark today. I’m serious.”

“No! Tell him what? If you tell him, he’ll call Trigg’s, and they’ll ask Mark about it. Do you think there would be anything stopping Mark from outing you at that point? Outing me? We can’t hide what Mark saw today, and if we talk to Foster about this … No way!”

She’s once more incredulous, but so am I. “I don’t trust him, and I can’t stand thinking you could have been there alone, and frankly, that’s what scares me the most! I don’t know what kind of man Mark is. I’ve never seen him behave in the way he did with you during the pitch, and I’ve worked with him on and off for years. I just don’t know what to think of him at this point. He’s an asshole, I know that much, and I want Foster to know. You can’t pretend this didn’t happen, Adeline, in some misplaced desire to protect me.” She’s shaking her head, refusing, and she’s adamant. I finally give up the argument.

“I should go.” Her words hurt. This isn’t what I want. Mark has held a mirror in front of our little relationship, tossed a bit of fuel on our flirtation with trouble, and we now have a very real threat hanging over our heads, but I’m not ready to end things with her. I’m not sure I ever will be. I want her too completely, too emotionally, too intensely, and she’s pulling the rug out from under me. I don’t want to jeopardize her internship; it’s the last thing in the world I would want to do, and her decision to distance herself is a smart decision, but I can’t deny she feels so fucking right to me.

“Fine.” It isn’t what I want to say, but I have to respect her decision, even if I hate it. She’s being smart, and I’m being pathetic and reckless. I’m not upset with her in the least, but my next comment surely comes out sounding resentful and mocking. “So be it, and since we won’t be fucking anymore, your last couple months here promise to be great.” I’m muttering, but seeing the hurt in her eyes, I soften and apologize. I’m not finished with her; I can’t be finished with her. But I’ll give her the space she wants until she can bear it no longer. She desires me just as intensely as I desire her. I’ll wait until she can’t wait any longer for me.


Chapter 14

We’re silent on the ride to my place, and once we arrive he walks me to the door in silence. I’m not upset with him, and he isn’t upset with me either, but it’s uncomfortable, depressing. But I can’t stand the idea of him losing his job and destroying his career because of me. I was accusatory when I reminded him just how casual he likes to keep things. It’s not my lifestyle; it’s his. I would throw myself into his world, his life, his bed without a moment’s hesitation. I’m smitten: utterly, pathetically, taken by him, and the idea of being with him but not with him is painful to consider. I want him as much as I want this life I’ve worked so hard to achieve.

When I enter alone, he turns back to his car. I’m heartbroken for no reason whatsoever. It was my choice. I challenged him on our little arrangement. I made it clear I not only didn’t appreciate being the Jezebel in his life but he was also equally being my … Jezeman… Call it what you will, but our relationship has just as many threats to my future as it does to his. I made sure to remind him of this fact, and now I’m paying the price; I’m getting everything I told him I wanted. But this isn’t what I want at all. I don’t want to be alone in my pathetic apartment where he spent so much time pleasuring me only one day before. I don’t want to be in my bed alone, with him in his own. I want to be with him, but as I abundantly made clear, we won’t be indulging in our secret little affair anymore.

The night has closed in and darkness is all that can be seen from the windows of my apartment. I feel safe in my home; far more so than I did earlier outside the Market Street Condos, but it’s depressing all the same. Tonight was the first time I was in his home since our first night together. That first night he touched in need and desperation as much as I wanted in desperation. Nothing like my quick and unwanted escape from him tonight. I wanted to stay, and could I have stowed my worry and anxiety I would be with him right now. He wanted me to be there. He wanted me. I pushed him away.

My time with Jordan has been a confidence builder. He’s been an emotional boost I never imagined he could be. I am far more confident than I was entering Foster’s on my first day, and I owe that to him. He’s given me courage and on far more than a professional level. This beautiful man, who has no business indulging in the student help, as Mark described it, has made me feel as beautiful as he. I’m not, and yet to him I am. There is no question in my mind. But now that relationship is over, and I’m alone.

The cold abandon has set in, and I’m responsible for it—me alone. He would never hurt me, wound me, sadden me in any way. I can’t say how it is I’ve come to know him so very well, but I trust with no remaining doubt this man fights for me, and as painful as that is right now, it’s always for my protection, and I’m responsible for ending it.

I lie alone in the middle of my bed, thinking over and over about this long and draining day. I’ve had more than my fair share of them lately, and this one was as challenging as any, but I surely didn’t imagine it ending in this way—alone and lonely in my bed.


Chapter 15