“I could never hate you. I love you too much. And I respect you too much.”

“For what?” Her eyes were empty and sad. “What have I done to deserve that?”

“You've survived!—under rotten circumstances, thanks to my mother—you're a terrific mother to Vanessa, you've knocked yourself out working and supporting her. You're an amazing woman, Serena.”

“I don't feel amazing.” She gazed at him with enormous eyes. “I feel sad. Sad at what I can't be to you.”

“So do I. But maybe it's better this way.” He hugged her again, praying that his desire for her wouldn't betray him. He pulled away again after a minute. “Just promise me one thing, when you fall in love again one day, and you will, make sure he's a terrific

guy.”

“Teddy!” She laughed and the agony of the past half hour began to lighten a little. “What a thing to say!”

“I mean it.” And he looked as though he did. “You deserve the best there is. And you need a man in your life.” He knew from what she had told him in her letters of her celibate life just how long it had been.

“I don't need a man.” She was smiling now.

“Why not?”

“Because I have the best brother in the world.” She slipped an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. “You.” And as he felt her next to him he felt his whole body tingle, but they had come a long way from the past in a few hours and now he knew where he stood.





33

“Hi, sweetheart. Oh, you look so pretty!” Teddy had dressed her in a blue organdy dress and black patent-leather shoes with white knee socks and a blue satin ribbon in her silky blond hair. And then Serena's eyes found Teddy. “Hello.” She smiled. “How are you managing?” “I'm loving it.” And then as Vanessa wandered away for a moment, his eyes held her close to him for just a fraction of a second, and then the brotherly look came back to his eyes. “What are you and Vanessa doing this afternoon?” “Going out for ice cream. I told her I'd take her to the zoo tomorrow.” “Don't you want some time for yourself?” She looked troubled. What would they do when he was gone? But perhaps he would come out and visit. They had talked about it this morning over breakfast, but everything but the present seemed very remote. “I'll be home at five thirty. I'll take over then.”