“Touché. How’s the view?” Hobie asked with a sly grin. “Bloody good, if I may say so without getting my face slapped.”


“You certainly may not!” Baylor hissed under her breath. “You certainly may. Say so, I mean, not get your face slapped.

As a thirty-eight-year-old mother, I’m happy to know someone still looks,” Hobie said. “Okay, here goes.” She swung the club in a gentle arc. The timing was perfect as the ball ricocheted off two chomping plastic teeth and rolled into the hippo’s mouth.

Hobie held her hand up to her mouth and blew on her nails, then polished them on her blouse. “What can I say?”

“Come on, Tiger, let’s see how you do over the water hazard. I’m taking a par for this hole,” Juliana said.

“Cheater,” Hobie cried out as Juliana dragged her away by one arm.

“Cheater is right,” Baylor said. She stood up from her place within the shadows where she had hidden behind a massive version of the birds that bob up and down to drink from a glass of water. She stepped away from the brightly colored bird just as a group of girls in Scout uniforms entered the green.

Baylor thought later that she should have moved faster, but at the time, she was intent on watching Juliana and Hobie walk away. She didn’t anticipate that one of the eight-year-old girls would get a hole in one.

“Ow!” Baylor cried out as the bird dipped and its beak hit her shoulder. She tried to move away, but the bird turned as she did and pecked her sharply on top of the head.

“Jesus Christ,” she screamed and punched at the bird, which only resulted in knocking the red bowler hat from its head. The hat fell to the ground with a clatter, but the bird succeeded in hitting Baylor two more times before she could anticipate in which direction its head would move next.

Baylor could feel something—was it blood?—running down the side of her face, but she couldn’t stop the attacking bird long enough to check. Unfortunately, at the precise moment she finally achieved her bearings and could duck the bird’s advances, her casted foot stepped directly into the open bowler. Unable to right herself, she spun around as the hat slid against the concrete.

“Motherfu—” The last thing Baylor remembered about the putt-putt golf course was the way her body felt as it flipped over the three-foot hedge surrounding the greens. She lay in the dirt, and right before passing out, she saw the bird’s face. Later she would swear that it had been smiling.



“What was that?” Hobie asked Juliana. The two women looked back in the direction from which they had come.

“Must be some bloke fooling around,” Juliana said as they walked toward the exit.



“I had a great time tonight, Hobie. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I had that much fun,” Juliana said.

Hobie slipped an arm around Juliana’s waist and walked with her back to the guesthouse. “I had a great time, too, and boy, did I need one.”

They stopped at the bottom step to the wooden porch. “No offense, but I’m not going to try to kiss you good night,” Juliana said. They parted, but she retained her hold of Hobie’s hand.

“Well, there’s none taken.” Hobie smiled and her brow furrowed. “Mind telling me why not, though?”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way because I mean it as a huge compliment,” Juliana began. “It’s just that going out with you has been amazingly similar to going out with my sister. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. In fact—”

“Jules,” Hobie interrupted. “It’s okay. I don’t have a sister, but I think I know what you’re driving at. It was nice going out with a friend and having fun.”

“Spot on,” Juliana said in relief. “We’re in perfect agreement then?”

“We make great buddies and nothing more.” Both women chuckled.

“Want to sit for a while?” Hobie asked, indicating the porch swing.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Can I get you anything to drink, maybe a glass of wine?” “Only if you’re having some.”

Hobie quickly returned with two glasses of pinot grigio and lit the bamboo torches.

“Thanks. It’s beautiful out here. I didn’t realize this place was that close to the water.”

“It’s only about two hundred yards. When it’s quiet like this, I love to sit here and listen. You’re right, it is beautiful. Hot, but beautiful.”

They talked for a while about nothing of great consequence, just relaxing and enjoying the evening. Juliana was amused by how often Hobie brought Baylor’s name into the conversation. It was always something interesting or funny that Baylor had said or done. What made it so amusing was that Juliana was sure Hobie had no idea she was doing it. She wavered regarding her next move, but she couldn’t resist.

“So,” she turned and put her arm on the back of the chair, “tell me about Baylor.” She cupped her chin in the palm of her other hand.

“B-Baylor? Tell you what about her?” Hobie suddenly felt a warmth creeping up her neck that had little to do with the tropical evening.

“Tell me about you...and her.”


“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” Hobie chuckled to make light of the question that had already affected her deeply.

Juliana directed a knowing look toward Hobie.


Hobie tried to laugh again, but no sound would come. She rolled her eyes and turned her head as if she could play the whole thing off as a joke. Juliana’s perceptive expression halted her ruse.

“Do you want me to tell you about me and Baylor?” Hobie set her glass of wine on a small mosaic table. She stood and began pacing. “The woman is certifiable.”

Juliana lowered her head to hide her smile.


“I turn around and she’s there. She’s like some little puppy, nipping at my heels. One minute she hates me, the next minute she does something so…so, well, so wonderful and sweet that it makes it nearly impossible not to—” She stopped abruptly, but apparently Juliana knew how to finish the sentence.

“To love her.”


Hobie looked as though she’d been slapped, then she looked as though she was going to cry. She sat heavily in the swing next to Juliana. “If you think for one moment that I’m in love with Baylor Warren...she’s nuts, do you know that?”

Juliana smiled. “She’s eccentric.”


“That’s just a rich person’s way of saying nuts,” Hobie countered. “The scary thing is that she thinks the rest of the world is crazy. She’s… oh, God, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Let’s see if I can help. She’s smart, but she knows it. She’s talented, which she doesn’t know, not how much, at least. Children and animals adore her, and although she has the patience of a saint with them, she won’t give most adults the time of day. Plus, she has an ego the size of a small third-world country and she never sees her own faults.”

“But she’s so...so...well, so the opposite of all that some days. When she’s not trying—”

“She’s sullen and brooding,” Juliana said. “Beautiful. Compassionate,” Hobie added softly. “Sarcastic. Caustic.”

“Tender. Gentle.”


“And finally, she’s the biggest pain in the ass in the whole world,” Juliana said.

Hobie looked over at Juliana. With a stricken expression, she covered her face with her hands. “Oh, God, Jules. I’m in love with the biggest pain in the ass in the world! How did this happen?”

She looked about ready to cry. Juliana wrapped an arm around her and held her for a few moments.

That’s when Baylor returned.


Baylor had suffered what she would remember as a harrowing, traumatic experience. The most embarrassing point had been regaining consciousness surrounded by a group of eight-year-old Junior Scouts. Too embarrassed to explain what happened, Baylor had made up an extraordinary story about how she suffered from seizures, and the girls were thrilled to get credit for finding her and saving her life. The older woman with them looked skeptical, but the lie served its purpose. Baylor tossed the girls enough money for ice cream and gingerly made her way back to her car.

She cleaned herself up as best she could with a travel package of Kleenex and a bottle of water. She wondered if she had a concussion; the plastic bird had hit her hard enough to draw blood. She was dirty, sweaty, and bloody, but there was only one thing to do at that point. She decided to go back to Hobie’s house and wait for her two-timing friends.

She parked the Jaguar, hoping fervently that the other women hadn’t noticed its absence. The guesthouse was not visible from the street. It was set behind the main house and surrounded by a privet and bougainvilleas. That’s where Baylor decided to set up watch.

She could hear the sound of voices, but not what they were saying. She angled over to better see the front of the guesthouse. What she saw was her best friend with her arms around Hobie, who didn’t look like she was doing much to change that situation.

“Son of a bi—ouch! Goddamn it!” Baylor had no idea that the beautiful red bougainvillea flowers, whose petals looked like rice paper, had thorns the size of small railroad spikes. She had leaned too close and the shoulder of her jacket snagged on the spiny thorns. Unfortunately, the more she struggled, the more entangled she became.

“Did you hear something?” Hobie lifted her head from Juliana’s shoulder.

“No. Did you want me to take a look?” “No, it’s probably just an alligator.”

Juliana’s eyes opened wide and she nervously looked around the dark area surrounding the porch.

“Just kidding. I haven’t seen one since I was a kid.” Hobie’s smile returned. “It’s probably just a raccoon or something equally as harmless.”