“What if the man is a Catholic?” said Burghley.

“What if he is one of Philip's spies?” asked Robert.

“He might be a sorcerer,” suggested Heneage.

Thus it was decided that Fenatus should not actually see me but should write a prescription which one of our men would make up.

Fenatus replied that he had no skill to produce an effective cure and if a tooth was hollow the only way to stop the pain was to withdraw it. However, if Her Majesty did not wish to submit to the chirurgical instruments, the tooth could be stopped with wax which would loosen it, but care must be taken that the wax touched no other tooth; then juice of the plant known as fenugreek, which was to be found in Suffolk, should be applied. This might loosen the tooth still more and make it easy to withdraw, for, he repeated, the only safe way to be rid of the pain was to be rid of the tooth.

The method was tried without success. The tooth remained firm and unbearably painful. My Council met and discussed the tooth as though it were the gravest matter of state, which I supposed it was for the pain was undermining my health.

Burghley implored me to have it withdrawn, but I was adamant. I could not endure the pain of it.

Then it was that John Aylmer showed his love for me in a very special way. He said: “Your Majesty, to draw a tooth is not as painful an operation as Your Majesty thinks. The pain is sharp and short and to be preferred to this enduring agony. I am an old man with few teeth to spare but Your Majesty shall see a practical experiment on me for I would willingly give my life in your service, so what is a mere tooth?”

Whereupon he called the surgeon and in a very short time one of his teeth was pulled out. He uttered not a cry, but sat still holding a kerchief to his mouth with a look of triumph on his dear good face.

After that I had no alternative but to submit to the operation and in a very short time it was performed. Aylmer was right—a short sharp pain was infinitely preferable to that continuous nagging agony.

Such devotion filled me with gratitude and I would never forget John Aylmer's action and whenever I saw him afterward I asked him how many teeth he had left and he would tell me with a smile and add that every one of them was at my service.

I was fortunate in the men I had chosen to surround me. Years afterward, looking back, I often thought that one of my greatest gifts was an ability to sift the wheat from the tares. I had the greatest men in England serving me, which was tantamount to serving their country, and I have never forgotten—and as I grew older this became more clear to me—what I owed to these good and clever creatures.

Robert during this time was inclined to be sullen. His hatred of Simier made me laugh. He said that the man was a poseur, a twittering Frenchman, a man whose chief concern was the cut of his coat.

I replied: “Dear Robert, you dress rather splendidly yourself.”

“I trust I do not mince and prance like your little French favorite.”

I pretended to be annoyed with him and said that I intended to keep my charming friend at my side, not only out of courtesy to one who came on such an errand but because I happened to like his company and found it more amusing than that of some others.

I expected Robert to be overcome with remorse and seek a way of regaining my favor; but he was not and did not; instead he asked for permission to leave Court and this I peremptorily gave.

Rumors concerning the evil powers practiced by the French emissary persisted and it was believed that they came from the jealous Leicester; but the people in the streets were saying that I was being wooed by sorcery and that the Queen Mother of France was noted for dabbling in the black arts.

Realizing that such rumors were having an adverse effect on his courtship and guessing from where they emanated, Simier decided to have his revenge.

He came to me one day, his eyes sparkling with excitement which at first I thought was pleasure in seeing me. He took my hand and kissed it in that particularly fervent manner of his which so pleased me and said that his master was growing more and more impatient.

“When I write to him and tell him of your perfections, he is all eagerness to taste your sweetness. He cannot understand why you are so cruel as to keep yourself from him. Your Majesty, I beg you to say the word which will make him the happiest man on Earth.”

I began the usual protest. I was an old woman. Our religions were different. My people did not care for a foreign marriage.

He lifted his hand and said: “May I ask Your Majesty one question. Is it because your affections are given elsewhere?”

I pretended to be astonished. “There are no other negotiations for marriage at this time.”

“I mean one near to you … one of your own subjects. I refer, Your Majesty, to the Earl of Leicester. It is said that you are so enamored of him that he will always stand between you and any marriage that you might make.”

“The Earl of Leicester has been my very good friend for many years.”

“Yet he keeps secrets from Your Majesty.”

“Secrets? What secrets?”

“Such as his marriage.”

“Marriage!” I cried, taken off my guard. “For some months, Your Majesty, the Earl of Leicester has been the husband of that lady who was previously the Countess of Essex.”

“This cannot be true.”

“It is a matter which is well known to most. Only Your Majesty appears to have been kept in the dark.”

I cannot describe my feelings. That he should have dared! That he should have deceived me so! Robert…to marry that woman! It was her fault of course. She had captured him… worked her magic on him. The she-wolf! How I hated her!

Simier was all concern.

“I should have broken the news more gently,” he said. “I thought you must be aware of it…as so many are. It is distressing to hear news of a subject's perfidy. Pray give me leave to retire and send your ladies to you.”

I did not attempt to stop him. When he had gone and my ladies were with me, I cried: “Send Burghley to me … Sussex … Walsingham … I would have word with them without delay.”

One of my ladies put a chair for me to sit in. She would have given me a concoction to smell for she feared I was going to faint, but I pushed her angrily away.

Sussex came with Burghley.

I cried: “Did you know that Leicester is married? He has married that she-wolf whom I took into my care.”

They said they knew.

“Everyone knew … except the Queen!” I cried. “By God's Precious Soul, how can I ever trust those around me again?”

“My lady … Your gracious Majesty …” said Sussex, “the news was kept from you out of concern for you.”

“Concern for me! When those two scoundrels conspire against me!”

Sussex said gently: “It cannot be said that they conspired against Your Majesty. They decided to marry, and they have a perfect right to do so. They are not royal persons who need the consent of the Sovereign.”

“They deceived me! They deceived the Queen! Let Leicester be sent to the Tower at once.”

Sussex looked at me earnestly and shook his head.

“Do you hear me!” I cried.

He said: “I hear Your Majesty, and I must tell you that you cannot send Leicester to the Tower because he takes an action which he has a perfect right to do.”

I glared at Sussex. “You would tell me, my lord, what I must and must not do?”

He looked at me steadily. “If I thought it was for the good of Your Majesty, I would risk displeasing you.”

There had always been something noble about Sussex. He prided himself on doing what he considered right. I could see that Burghley was gently shaking his head; warning me that I must curb my anger. I must not let people see how deeply Robert's defection had wounded me.

Sussex was saying: “Your Majesty must consider the effect such an action would have on the people. If they saw how great was your anger, they would believe those evil rumors which were once circulated about you and Leicester. I tell you this because I am prepared to risk your wrath in my zeal to serve you well.”

“And you, Burghley?” I said.

“Sussex is right, Your Majesty. You cannot condemn a man for entering into an honorable marriage if he is in a position to do so.”

“They have deceived me all these months. When I was at Wanstead… even then…”

Both men regarded me solemnly.

“I will never have her at Court,” I said. “I never want to see her evil face again. As for him… let him not think that he has escaped my anger. He is dismissed from Court. Let him go to Mireflore Tower in Greenwich Park and stay there.”

Sussex sighed with relief.

The first shock was over.


* * *

I WANTED TO SHUT myself away, to grieve in private. I had never known torment of this intensity. I could not stop images coming into my mind. I saw them together… that woman and my Robert. And how long had they been deceiving me, laughing at me? How dared they! I would never forgive them… either of them… certainly not her. She should be banished forever. I was already beginning to long for Robert's company, to think how dull the Court would be without him. It would be amusing to command him to return to Court and let his she-wolf wait for him to come back to her, which I would make sure he had little chance of doing.

I called on his sister Mary. She was disturbed to see me in such a state. I could see her lips quivering behind the veil she wore.

I said: “The rogue…to deceive me so…to marry that woman. Devereux died … conveniently, did he not? And after all I have done for him… What would he have been without me?”