Those candies also protected her emotions, he realized. In her mind, when their affair ended, instead of facing the kind of rejection her mother and Doug had put her through, she could cling to the excuse that the aphrodisiac was the reason he'd lusted after her. And without those candies, his desire had waned.
He understood her motives, maybe better than she did. But he hated that she couldn't believe that he wanted her for who and what she was beyond surface appearance.
He figured there was only one way to convince her that those laced candies didn't have a friggin' thing to do with him wanting her. His feelings for her were as real as he was flesh and blood, and she was about to discover that for herself. In this case, his actions would speak louder than the words she didn't want to listen to.
He moved across the room toward her… slowly and easily, because she'd suddenly turned wary as he approached. "Since you've used me as your guinea pig the past few weeks, I'm going to conduct a little experiment of my own, and I expect your full cooperation in return."
Uncertainty shone in her eyes, but she didn't refuse him. "All right."
"Take note. I haven't had any candies this morning," he said, then slid his fingers to the back of her head and brought her mouth to his.
She initially stiffened, apparently not sure what his intentions were. He kissed her slowly at first, then gradually drew her into a deeper, hotter melding of lips and tongues that made her moan low in her throat. He felt her posture soften along with her mouth and used that opportunity to slip an arm around her back and bring her body flush to his. He cupped her breast in his hand, found her nipple through the silk of her robe and lightly pinched the taut tip.
Her breathing deepened, and so did his. Still kissing her, he smoothed his palm over her bottom then trailed his fingers up her thigh, beneath the hem of her robe, until he encountered the damp heat of her desire for him.
She shuddered in his arms, a soft whimper of need escaping her lips.
Now it was her turn to feel his passion, too.
Grasping one of her wrists, he eased her hand between their bodies and molded her fingers over the fierce erection straining against the fly of his slacks. There was no denying how she affected him physically, that his response was as real as it got. And if this wasn't enough proof for her, then he didn't know what else to do.
He lifted his mouth from hers, still holding her hand against his aching shaft, and stared into her dark green eyes. "This has nothing to do with any goddamn aphrodisiac, Kayla," he said, his tone rough with arousal. "It has everything to do with you, the woman I've fallen in love with."
She inhaled a quick, startled gasp of astonishment, seemingly rendered speechless by his declaration.
He hadn't meant for the words to come out that way, in the middle of a heated argument. But there was no better time to set her straight about how he felt about her, and so he just went with the moment and what was in his heart.
"That's right, Kayla," he said, softer now. "I'm in love with you. And I thought that you felt something for me, too."
"Oh, God… I do."
"Do you?" He couldn't read her expression, not enough to assure him of her true emotions. "Are you sure it's real and not the candies making you feel and think that way?"
He was mocking her, tossing back her own theory about her aphrodisiac candies. And she was confused enough not to answer his question, which told him she still had to come to terms with her insecurities and emotions before they could take this relationship any further.
But before he left, there were a few things he still needed to say and wanted her to hear. He let her go, then took a step back, putting distance between them again.
"I just showed you what you do to me without any kind of stimulant, and now you know that I'm in love with you. When I look at you I see a beautiful, sensual woman who has so much to give, emotionally and physically… if only you'd have faith in yourself."
He steeled himself against the tears welling in her eyes, the fear and panic he saw there that wrenched at his heart. "I want a future with you. I want your body, your mind and your heart. I want the whole package. You are who you are, Kayla, but you have to trust that my feelings are genuine, and not a fabrication of some kind of bizarre aphrodisiac. And when you can do that, then you know where to find me."
He walked out of the kitchen while he still had the will to do so and quickly gathered up his things. Minutes later he was gone, knowing there was a good chance he'd just lost the only woman he'd ever truly loved.
Chapter 11
Kayla was so immersed in her baking and her misery that she didn't hear Jillian enter her house until her sister was standing in her kitchen. Kayla turned from pulling a sheet of sticky pecan rolls from the oven and nearly dropped the pan on the floor in surprise.
"Damn it, Jillian," she grumbled as she slid the pan onto a cooling rack she'd set up on the table. At this point, it was just about the only vacant space left in her entire kitchen, which was currently filled with an abundance of cakes, pies, and other desserts. "Could you at least let me know you're here before you barge in and scare the living daylights out of me?"
"Hello to you, too," Jillian greeted her, unfazed by her grouchy mood. "And for your information, I knocked twice before letting myself into the house. Considering your employees told me that you haven't been to the shop in two days, and I haven't heard from you either, I thought I'd check up on you."
Kayla shoved a pound cake into the oven to bake and tossed her oven mitts on the counter. "I'm fine."
"Okay," Jillian said in a placating tone as she strolled through the kitchen and eyed the various sweets lining the countertops. "What's with all this?" The wave of her sister's hand encompassed the array of treats.
Kayla stirred the ingredients for a carrot cake, beating the batter longer and harder than necessary. "I'm working at home."
"You haven't baked at home like this since before you opened Pure Indulgence," Jillian commented thoughtfully. She picked up an Almond Joy Cookie and took a bite of the chewy chocolate and coconut confection. "In fact, the last time I remember your kitchen being an explosion of desserts was when I came home from New York for a visit after things ended between you and Doug."
Kayla winced at her sister's too-intuitive speculation. Baking was not only Kayla's livelihood, but she'd discovered long ago that it was also therapeutic when she needed to release stress, tension, or anger. In this case, though, she was baking up a storm to keep her mind off Jack and to keep her emotional grief at bay.
So far, her therapy wasn't working worth a damn.
"So, are you going to tell me what's going on, or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?" Jillian waggled her fingers at Kayla threateningly.
Despite her heartache, Kayla laughed at her sister's attempt at intimidation-another childhood antic they'd made up as kids when they wanted to extract important information from one another. Jillian was a ruthless tickler and always managed to persuade Kayla to spill her guts.
She inhaled a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Jack and I… well, it's over."
"Over?" her sister echoed, her expression almost as devastated as Kayla felt deep inside. "What do you mean, over?"
"Not our business relationship," she explained, just in case Jillian thought that's what she meant. "Our affair."
Jillian's gaze narrowed and she braced her hands on her slender hips, her entire demeanor going into protective mode, even though she was the younger of the two of them. "Maybe I ought to go and have a talk with Mr. Tremaine," she said haughtily. "No one hurts my sister and gets away with it-"
"Settle down, Jilly," Kayla said, knowing her sister wouldn't hesitate to confront Jack on her behalf. "It wasn't him. It was… me. I'm the one who let things end."
Jillian's shoulders slumped, and she reached for a brownie on a nearby plate. "But why?"
Kayla turned around and poured the carrot cake batter into a pan, unable to bring herself to explain the whole aphrodisiac candy situation to her sister and unwilling to end up sounding like a complete fool. "I guess Doug did a bigger number on my confidence than I realized."
"Doug was an idiot and you can't compare every man to him," Jillian said from behind her.
Jack had told her the same thing the night he'd come to her shop to taste the cheesecakes.
"I have to tell you," Jillian said went on, "if you let Jack go without a fight, then you're being the idiot."
Leave it to her sister to be blunt, Kayla thought as she scraped the last of the batter into the pan. But as each minute of each hour of each day passed by and a deeper loneliness settled within her, she was inclined to believe that she was very much an idiot for allowing Jack to walk out her door two mornings ago.
Except she was having a difficult time getting past the fears and insecurities that kept her and her aching heart in their relentless grip.
Unable to turn around and face her sister, she squeezed her eyes shut, summoned an extra boost of fortitude, and admitted, "I'm scared, Jilly. Scared to believe in something so good."
"I know," she said, a deep understanding in her tone. "But aren't you more afraid of losing such a great guy?"
Kayla's throat closed up with emotion, cutting off her ability to speak. But the words still came, filtering effortlessly through her mind. Yes, she was petrified of losing Jack, which was part of the problem, too. Going after Jack meant taking a big risk… the risk that he might eventually end things with her. The resulting heartache and overwhelming sense of rejection could devastate her.
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