Perhaps.

It was one of the most successful parties that Perdita had ever had. They all squeezed round the table and had to eat with their elbows tucked into their sides. It wasn’t very refined but was much better fun than an elegantly laid repast would have been, and once it was clear that there was no option of lolling around looking bored or refusing to eat, the eight kids all got stuck in too. They seemed to have made instant connections amongst themselves, and Millie, Peter, Jane and Rick were clearly ready to include both Ed and Grace in their social circles. Everything was going exactly as Perdita had planned.

Yes, it was a great success. The food was delicious, the conversation animated and the sunshine pouring through the open window. Everyone was enjoying themselves.

Except Perdita.

It took her some time to realise the truth. There she was, surrounded by good friends, all laughing at one of Rick’s more outrageous stories. They had scraped the dish clean and polished off the last of the salad, and made her feel loved and appreciated.

Normally, Perdita would have been on sparkling form-probably showing off, she admitted to herself honestly-but today she felt…what?…a bit testy, she decided. She couldn’t help thinking that she would have enjoyed today more if there had been fewer people, just her and Ed, say, enjoying a quiet lunch on the balcony.

They could have sat close together-close enough to touch?-with a glass of cold wine and watched the river. And when Ed smiled he would have been smiling for her, not for Millie or Grace. She wouldn’t have felt testy at all then. She would have been…happy. It would have been quiet and peaceful and-

‘Ground control to Perdita! Come in, please!’ Millie waved a hand in front of Perdita’s face, making her start violently.

‘What? Sorry?’

‘You were miles away!’ said Millie, eyeing her curiously. ‘And you had a very funny look on your face. What on earth were you thinking about?’

Afraid that Millie might guess the truth, Perdita’s eyes slid away from her friend’s and found herself snared by Ed’s piercing grey gaze instead. He seemed to be able to look right inside her. Oh, God, what if he had guessed what she had been dreaming about? That would be a million times worse than Millie suspecting.

There was a constriction in her throat as she made herself look away. ‘Oh, nothing really,’ she said as vaguely as she could.

‘Listen, your mother’s fine,’ said Millie, apparently misunderstanding the reason for her abstraction. ‘You can ring her tonight to check that she’s OK, but if she’s capable of stubbornly refusing all help, she’s capable of managing by herself for a day.’

Perdita seized on the excuse. Good old Millie. Better by far that they all thought that she was fretting about her mother than dreaming about a man she had already decided wasn’t for her.

‘I know, I should stop worrying about her.’ She offered an apologetic smile round the table. ‘Sorry.’

‘We were just talking about the garden project, as you’d have known if you hadn’t been on Planet Perdita,’ said Millie. She assumed an air of mock self-importance. ‘My role,’ she said grandly, ‘has expanded already.’

‘But you haven’t even started working there yet!’

‘I know, but Ed and Grace think I should try my hand at fund-raising. I’ve already persuaded Peter to promise some sponsorship, haven’t I, Peter?’

‘Well, I don’t know that persuaded is the right word to use when my arm was twisted behind my back like that!’

Perdita laughed. It was time she engaged with the conversation instead of drifting off into silly, pointless dreams.

‘If I’d known you were going to turn into a ruthless career type, I would never have introduced you to Grace!’ she told Millie with a grin.

‘I’m very glad you did,’ said Grace. ‘Millie is going to be just what we need.’

‘It’s all right for her,’ Perdita pretended to grumble. ‘She gets to sit in a cushy office, while the Tom and I are out there doing the hard work with the spade!’

‘You love it really, Perdita,’ said Ed. ‘It always sounds as if you and Tom have a good time there.’

‘That’s what I think,’ Millie put in, while Perdita and Tom were still gaping. ‘I don’t see much sign of her edges getting less sharp, though!’

‘How can you say that?’ Perdita protested, finding her voice at last. ‘My edges are so rounded now I’m practically a ball!’

Millie’s face lit up with a sudden idea. ‘And, talking of balls…why don’t we have one to launch the project?’

‘A ball? In Ellsborough?’

‘Well, a party, then,’ Millie amended, obviously throwing herself into her new role with gusto. ‘We’ll invite everybody we know to get people talking about it, and get The Ellsborough Press and local businesses along.’

‘It’s a brilliant idea, but parties cost money,’ said Grace doubtfully.

‘I know, but I’m sure a company with a sense of corporate social responsibility like Bell Browning would like to sponsor it…wouldn’t they, Ed?’

Ed laughed and threw up his hands in surrender. ‘I’d better say yes or I’ll end up like Paul, nursing a sore arm all week!’

‘Thank you!’ He earned dazzling smiles from Grace and Millie, and Perdita couldn’t help wondering which of them he had been trying to please.

Never had she been so glad to see her guests leave. Her jaw was aching with the effort of keeping her smile in place by the time she closed the door on the last of them. Ed, in fact, had offered to stay and help her clear up, but perversely Perdita had insisted that she could manage on her own.

Now she wished that he had stayed, even if it would have meant Tom and Cassie and Lauren staying too. What was it she had said to Ed? I don’t get lonely. And she didn’t, not normally. She loved her flat but, after she finished clearing up, she sat on the sofa, listening to the silence, and realised that what she had thought was tranquillity was in fact emptiness.

The thought made Perdita feel very sad, but she fought down the tears that clogged her throat without warning. There was no point in feeling sorry for herself. She was the one who had given Nick the ultimatum, so she only had herself to blame when he’d chosen the option she hadn’t wanted. It had taken time, but she had convinced herself in the end that independence and self-reliance were better than the constant struggle for Nick’s attention.

But they came at a cost.

She was only feeling restless because the party had been so loud and now everyone was gone, Perdita told herself. There were worse things than being alone. But she couldn’t help remembering what Ed had said about being married, about thinking about it as sharing rather than giving up.

‘Oh, I’m just getting maudlin!’ Jumping up from the sofa with an exclamation of irritation, she went to stand on her balcony and look down at the river. It was a beautiful, golden October evening and the water was still and tranquil. People were strolling along the banks, enjoying the autumn sunshine.

Was it just her, Perdita wondered bleakly, or did everyone seem to be a couple or part of a family? Everyone had someone to enjoy the evening with.

Except her.

She shook herself impatiently. It wasn’t like her to get down like this. She wasn’t a fool. She knew she was only feeling this way because she liked Ed more than she wanted to admit, and the fact was that she hadn’t enjoyed seeing him get on quite so well with Millie and Grace.

And this in spite of the fact that she loved Millie and wished she could find someone who would appreciate her and treat her like the gem that she was. Millie needed a lovely, kind, intelligent man like Ed, and Grace deserved another chance at happiness too. If she were a nicer person, Perdita decided darkly, she would be really happy to see either of them end up with Ed.

Evidently she was a horrible person, though, because the truth was that she wanted him for herself, and she didn’t want anyone else to have him, even her dearest Millie. But she didn’t want the pain and anguish that would inevitably follow, that was for sure. Perdita tested her heart gingerly. It had taken her a long time to get over Nick. She might be feeling a bit sad this evening, but it was nothing compared to the wretchedness of those long months when she couldn’t imagine ever being really happy again.

Did she want to go back to feeling that way again? No, no, no. Perdita’s mind reared back in horror at the idea. Absolutely not.

So forget about Ed, she told herself. Sticking with being friends was a good plan. Any more and she’d be risking her poor, battered heart all over again, and this time she wouldn’t be able to tell herself that she didn’t know exactly how hard it was to fall in love with a single father.

Perdita squared her shoulders. She was a big girl now. She knew what the situation was, and she had made her decision. It was time to stop being such a baby and accept the way things were.

Well, she could do that, Perdita thought, resigned. But she didn’t have to be happy about it, surely?

‘Have you got a minute?’ Ed caught Perdita as she was leaving the boardroom where they had been having the monthly meeting of departmental heads.

‘Of course.’

Perdita was on her best behaviour today. This was the first time she had seen Ed since the lunch party on Sunday, and she had had three days to pull herself together and stop being silly about him.

And she had thought it had worked until he’d walked into the meeting and her heart had started springing around her chest.

Still, it was easier to pretend to be cool and businesslike when they were talking about budgets and performance targets and she was armoured in her best suit with its classy little jacket that always made her feel a bit like Audrey Hepburn, although without the same gamine charm, obviously.