Mae waited, saying nothing when Vance fell silent, but she recognized the hollow note in Vance's voice for what it was. Terrible loss. She tightened her arms in a futile attempt to shield Vance from a pain that had already struck her heart.

"I didn't know until I finally returned to Philadelphia upon my release from the hospital that Victor had been killed in the fall of Richmond just a few weeks before I was shot." Vance turned her face to Mae's neck. "I'll always wonder if I'd been with him if I could have saved him."

Not whether he could have saved you. Mae kissed Vance's forehead. "I'm sorry."

"Victor's death nearly destroyed my father. My...injury was more than he could cope with. Our relationship was never the same again, and when I wanted to leave Philadelphia, he contacted Caleb Melbourne on my behalf. I think he was glad when I left."

"Surely he didn't blame you for what happened."

"Not exactly. He didn't know either of us had enlisted, although he wouldn't have been able to stop us. We wrote to him once we arrived at our first post, and he tried to get me to come home." She sighed. "When I finally did come home, I was a reminder of everything he'd lost."

"I'm sorry about Victor, but I'm so very glad that you survived."

"Thank you," Vance whispered. She had once hoped to hear similar words from her father, but hearing them now, from the woman she was coming to treasure, meant even more.

"You're trembling." Gently Mae moved Vance forward, stood, and stepped from the tub. "Let me get a blanket."

By the time Vance climbed out, Mae had a blanket ready to wrap around her shoulders. "You'll get cold, too," Vance protested. She took one edge of the blanket and drew it around Mae so they were both covered. "I don't know how it is that I end up telling you things I never speak of with anyone else."

"Because," Mae said with a small smile, embracing Vance within the confines of their makeshift shelter, "I want to know."

Vance rested her cheek against Mae's hair. "I'm so glad."

"Come to bed," Mae said. When Vance tensed, she shook her head and kissed the hollow at the base of Vance's throat. "I want you to hold me. That's all."

Vance wanted more at the same time as she feared it, and because of that uncertainty, she was grateful that Mae did not demand greater intimacy. "Are you sure? What about the others?"

"Lord, Vance," Mae said with a laugh. "You don't think it matters to anyone who shares a bed here, do you? No one will take note, and even if they did, what of it? Unless you don't want anyone to--"

"No," Vance said fiercely, silencing Mae with a kiss. "I just don't want to cause trouble for you."

Mae felt the sudden threat of tears again, unable to recall when the last time had been that anyone had worried about her. "The only trouble for me would be if you left me now, seeing's how I have a terrible need to be with you."

Vance rested her forehead against Mae's. "And for tonight, just holding will be enough?"

"It will be just right."

When she settled in bed on her side and Mae came into the curve of her body, Vance discovered that Mae was correct. Nothing she'd ever known had felt so right. Mae's heart beat against her breast, Mae's thigh fit perfectly between her thighs, Mae's breath caressed her throat like a soothing balm. She wrapped her arm around Mae's shoulders and cupped the back of Mae's neck, caressing her gently. "I don't know that I'll sleep tonight," Vance said. "You feel too wonderful to miss a second of being with you."

"You don't have to worry," Mae murmured, melting into Vance as if they had been in one another's arms a thousand times before. "This won't be the last time."

With that assurance playing through her mind, Vance closed her eyes and slept. For the first time in a thousand nights, she did not dream of death.


CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Jessie paced to the window and flicked the curtain aside, even though there was nothing to see outside in the dark. From the sounds of men shouting in the street below, she wasn't the only one wide awake. "Lord, Kate, I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.

It would've been better if you'd stayed with your parents."

"No, it wouldn't," Kate said calmly as she leaned over and turned down the oil lamp before unbuttoning her dress and slipping it off over her head, leaving only her chemise and stockings. She sat on the edge of the bed to remove her undergarments. "I would lie awake worrying about you, and you would undoubtedly stay awake doing just what you're doing now, and neither one of us would have changed what's going to happen."

"Kate, I--" The protest died on Jessie's lips when she caught a glimpse of Kate slipping naked beneath the rough cotton sheets. Unsettled in an entirely new way than just seconds before, she leaned against the window casing, her arms crossed. "You could be safely tucked away at home right now instead of climbing into an uncomfortable bed in a noisy hotel."

"Jessie," Kate said quietly. "It's somewhere in the middle of the night. It's been a hard, frightening few days for you and I've missed you terribly. How you could think that I would let you sleep alone now escapes reason." She patted the bed beside her. "I know it's because you're worn out and scared for Jed that you could even question why I'm here. For now, just accept that I need you."

"You need me." Jessie said the words as if they had been spoken in a strange language. "Sometimes it scares me how much I need you." As she had the first afternoon that Kate had spent with her, Jessie crossed to the bed, unbuttoning her shirt as she walked. As she had that day as well, she unbuckled her gun belt and hung it on the bedpost.

"I love you," Kate said, watching Jessie unbutton her pants and step free, marveling just as she had a little over a year before at how beautiful and strong she appeared. She moved over to make room as Jessie removed her long johns and settled beside her. "And I need you terribly. It's all rolled up in what we share."

Jessie gathered Kate into her arms and buried her face in Kate's hair. She lay silently for several minutes as Kate stroked her back and her shoulders and her chest. She breathed in Kate's scent, listened to her heartbeat, concentrated on each small point where their bodies touched.

As the essence of Kate filled her up inside, she sensed the bruised and bleeding places starting to heal. She wasn't aware of her tears until Kate's fingers brushed over her cheek.

"Tell me," Kate whispered.

"When they started shooting I couldn't really believe it. I knew what was happening, but I couldn't take it in. They were trying to kill me, on my own land."

Kate's heart was seized with a sudden chill. She knew firsthand the dangers that nature and accidents wrought upon the unsuspecting or unlucky. She had learned to accept that part of the life she had chosen.

Now she added human treachery to the forces that threatened Jessie and their life together. Anger mixed with her fear and worry. "Will you be able to catch them?"

"I don't know. If they were only stealing a few to sell to the army or a passing wagon train, they could be a hundred miles away by now.

If they're aiming to cut out a big part of the herd and drive them south to market, we'll run into them again."

"And if you do?"

Jessie answered instantly. "Then we'll hold them accountable for what they did to Jed."

"You mustn't go out there without more men."

"Don't worry, there won't be any shortage of hands willing to go."

"There's nothing I can say that will prevent you from going, is there?"

"Don't ask it of me, Kate. You know I will do anything I can to make you happy, but..."

Kate pressed her fingers to Jessie's mouth. "Shh. I'm not asking. I wouldn't. As much as I would like you to stay home where it's safe and let Jed and the men take care of these problems, I know that you can't.

And I know that you might try if I asked you." She leaned close and kissed Jessie's forehead, then her eyes. "Which is why I won't."

"Thank you," Jessie whispered.

Kate doubted that Jessie would ever know what it cost her to say those words, but loving Jessie meant letting her be Jessie, so Kate kissed her softly and held her more tightly. "You're welcome."

Jessie raised up on her elbow so she could look into Kate's face.

"Your mother was different with me tonight. Almost like...she was saying it was okay. About us."

"It is okay, darling," Kate murmured, fisting her hands in Jessie's hair. Jessie had long since removed the leather tie she usually used to hold it back, and it fanned out just above the spot where her collar touched the back of her neck. In the day, in the sunlight, it shone like the gold that the miners chased in the hills and rivers that surrounded them, but as it streamed between her fingers, it felt like the finest silk.

Caught up in the vision of sunlight and heat that was her lover, Kate pushed Jessie onto her back and followed. She stretched out along Jessie's smooth, lean form, settling into her, body to body and heart to heart.

"Kate," Jessie murmured hoarsely. "I don't know if I can--"

"You don't need to." Kate kissed Jessie's mouth, her throat, her breast. "I will."

With a groan, Jessie closed her eyes and arched under Kate, willing to be commanded. Kate's were the only hands she trusted to guide her.

Kate was the only person with whom she could be less than strong, less than sure. She trembled as Kate lavished attention on her breasts, her belly, her thighs. She cried out softly when Kate's mouth found her and again when she dissolved beneath the heat and relentless tenderness of Kate's caress. When Kate returned to her arms, Jessie pressed her face to Kate's throat. "When you love me, I'm not afraid anymore."