"Oh no, of course not," Kate said too quickly. Mae was barely dressed, and what little she did wear did nothing to hide her shapely figure.
"Why, Kate Beecher." Mae laughed, reading the discomfort in Kate's expression. "Don't tell me that a woman like me could stir you up when you've got the likes of Jessie Forbes in your bed at night."
"Certainly not," Kate said primly. "I consider myself as married as any woman with a husband."
"Oh, and I suppose you think that means they never appreciate a man other than the one they're tied to?" Mae poured tea from the late supper tray that Billy had just brought her from the hotel.
Kate took the offered cup and settled into one corner of the settee.
"I don't know how they feel. No one but Jessie has ever made me...all churned up inside."
"But you notice women differently now, don't you?" Mae slipped behind a dressing screen angled in the corner of her bedroom and exchanged her robe for a dress. When she sat next to Kate, her own teacup in hand, she said, "Because of what being with Jessie has brought to life in you."
"I do, sometimes. Appreciate them." Kate regarded Mae seriously.
"Is that...natural, do you think?"
"Oh, honey, you're asking the wrong person." Mae rose and exchanged her tea for brandy. She looked to Kate. "Are you of a mind for a small drink?"
"No, I shouldn't." Kate smiled in fond exasperation at the thought of her mother's reaction. "My mother is coping as best she can with me leaving home and being with Jessie, but if I arrive smelling of spirits, I'm afraid it will be her undoing."
Chuckling, Mae sat down again. "Natural, you asked. Lord, when you've seen the things I've seen, you learn pretty quickly that people are a complicated bunch. I know for a fact there are men and women who prefer their own kind, in and out of bed." She sipped her brandy and eyed Kate. "You know that's my way, but I can sit here and think you've got eyes prettier than a starry night and not get stirred up."
"And I think you're...beautiful," Kate confessed, "but I don't feel--" She blushed again. "I don't believe anyone could make me feel the way Jessie does."
"Mmm. Why thank you, for the beautiful part. And lucky for Jess to have a woman who sees only her." She patted Kate's knee. "And lucky you for having her, because I know for a fact it's the same with her."
Kate glowed with pleasure, feeling only a little strange talking to Mae about Jessie, when she knew that Mae had wanted Jessie. But she didn't know anyone else like herself in whom to confide. Now that she and Jessie were together, she felt different inside. It was more than just loving Jessie and wanting to express that love with her body. She knew it wasn't an accident that she had fallen in love with Jessie. She had fallen in love with a woman because somehow, that was meant to be.
That was why she'd never cared for the suitors who had pursued her in Boston or for Ken Turner here in New Hope, either--a perfectly nice man for whom she had no feelings whatsoever. "I just know that I'm not the same as my friends, even though they don't seem to think I'm all that different."
Mae sipped her brandy thoughtfully. "Do any of them ask you about being with Jess?"
"You mean...about lying with her?" Kate laughed. "Goodness, no.
Even when they're talking about relations with men, it's all whispers and secrets."
"Well, most folks just look the other way rather than see things they don't understand or that upset them." She shrugged. "It's not always a bad thing, I suppose."
"Why do you think we like one person and not another...that way?"
"I don't know how that comes about," Mae said with some consideration. "I always have admired the women like Jess."
"Like Jessie?" Kate considered her lover and found it impossible to define all that she was. She was beautiful and strong and tender and stubborn and oh so wonderfully loving. Surely there was not another woman in the world like her.
"The strong-minded, stubborn type who like doing what most folks call men's work because it comes natural to them. And," she said with a saucy grin, "I do like a woman in pants."
"Well, there's not much of a chance for you to see that." Kate smiled. "But I love the way she looks in pants, too, and I can't imagine her in anything else."
"Can't imagine you'd get her into anything else."
"Besides, wearing them makes perfect sense. Trying to do anything out on the ranch in a skirt is just impossible." Kate finished her tea and took one of the crackers from a saucer next to the pot. "I'm going to do something about my clothes so I can ride easier and get around without tripping myself."
"A lot of women on the ranches wear split skirts. Or pants. Nobody thinks much of it." Mae poked Kate's shoulder playfully. "But if you start wearing them around town, there'll be talk."
"Oh, I wasn't planning on that. I can just imagine how quickly my mother would hear about it."
"Faster than lightning." Because she was enjoying the rare moment of female confidence in which she felt no need to hide anything, Mae added, "The new doctor in town dresses a lot like Jess. She's pretty much the opposite in every other way, though. Like night and day."
"She? I knew a woman in Boston who was studying to be a doctor--a student in one of my father's classes. No one believed she would really do it." Kate sat forward eagerly. "You've met her? This doctor?"
Mae nodded.
"What's she like?"
"Hard to say," Mae said quietly, thinking of the ghosts and secrets that shimmered in Vance's dark eyes. "She doesn't say much about herself." She stood abruptly, unable to contain the urge she had to ease Vance's pain, and began to pace. "She's good with the girls. She doctored them last night."
Kate watched Mae, never recalling seeing her so agitated. Mae was always so cool, always standing back and laughing just a little bit at others' foolishness, and her own. Now her voice trembled and her expression was distant, as if she were somewhere else. Carefully, Kate asked, "And she's like Jessie? Like us?"
Mae halted abruptly and regarded Kate intently. "Like us? Liking women, you mean?"
Kate nodded.
"She hasn't given any sign of it, but then again, most don't." Mae sat down with a sigh. "Even out here where some women go our own way and make our own lives, it doesn't pay to remind folks of it." She squeezed Kate's knee when she saw her look of concern. "But don't you worry. Everyone loves Jessie. She's been part of this town almost as long as the town has been here. The way I hear, her father built that ranch when New Hope wasn't much more than a few mining tents beside a dusty road."
"But now I'm with her," Kate said quietly. "I won't have anyone hurt her because of me."
"No one's going to hurt either one of you," Mae said vehemently.
"First of all, Jess wouldn't allow it. Secondly, neither would we."
Kate touched Mae's hand. "You're absolutely right." She gave Mae a sly smile. "So finish telling me about the new doctor. What does she look like?"
"Mmm, like I said, a little like Jess. Tall, like she is, with the same kind of strong face and rangy build. But she's dark, where Jess's light, and she's been...hurt." Mae closed her eyes against a sudden surge of pain that settled around her heart. "She lost her arm in the war back East. She joined up to doctor the wounded and was shot right near the end."
"Oh, my. How brave. How...wonderful of her."
"Crazy of her, you mean," Mae said bitterly. "Going off to fight in some war that even the damn foolish men should've had more sense than to get into."
"You don't mean that," Kate said gently. "You're just upset because she was hurt."
"I can see it, in her eyes. What it did to her." Mae's eyes swam with tears. "It broke something in her, and she's bleeding still."
"Maybe she just needs more time to heal."
"You can't heal a wound when the bullet's still in there." Mae rubbed her fingertips over her closed lids. "I don't even know her. Can't think why it upsets me so much."
"She means something to you, I can tell."
"No. Not that way." Mae shook her head impatiently. "Sometimes I just get tired of the misery."
"Well, maybe she'll find something in New Hope to help her heal."
Kate smiled inwardly. Or someone. "Maybe so."
"I brought you something." Kate rose to fetch her basket and then sat down again. She searched inside and then handed a slim volume to Mae. "Here."
Mae held the book gently, tenderly rubbing her hand over the surface. "A Tale of Two Cities by Mr. Charles Dickens." She looked at Kate with shining eyes. "Oh, this is fine, Kate. But you shouldn't be lending your books."
"Jessie brought me some books when I was sick. She bought them on one of her trips into Miles City for supplies. I already had this copy and she gave me another, so this is yours to keep." Kate ducked her head. "I know Jessie lends you books, because I saw a thank-you note from you in one of them."
"Kate, now that you and Jessie are together--"
"You and Jessie are friends, and I know she cares for you." Kate held Mae's gaze steadily. "And I know you care for her."
"You know a lot for someone who a year ago had never been kissed," Mae said with a soft laugh.
"I've made up for that."
"You know Jess would be mortified if she knew we were talking about these things, don't you?"
"And that's why she's not here." Kate looked at the timepiece pinned to her dress. "I must go before it gets much darker. I hope you like the book."
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