Bertrice Small - Private Pleasures

"I've talked to Rick about your situation," Carla said.

"I won't do anything until Jeff does," Nora told her friend.

"You ought to file first," Carla said. "I mean the guy is hardly ever here, and hasn't been for years. That ain't a marriage, sweetie."

"No, I'll wait for him to make the first move," Nora replied. "If I'm in the terrible position that you all think I am, it's better if I'm the victim, isn't it?"

"You're not dumb," Carla said. "But Nora, you've got to be protected. With everything in Jeff's name, you really are in a lousy position." Carla sounded genuinely worried.

"I know," Nora agreed. "It's beginning to dawn on me that I've been living in a world where nothing changes, and Jeff has been living in the real world, where dog eats dog." She stood up, swaying slightly. "I better get down to Waldbaum's, or there won't be any food in this house tonight."

"I'll drive us," Carla said. "I didn't have the night you did, nor as much wine as you've been consuming with the sandwiches. You've almost killed a bottle," she chuckled. "Never saw you do that before." She pulled her own car keys from her jeans. "Come on, babe. I need stuff too, but it wouldn't do for the mother of Egret Pointe High's Athlete of the Year to get busted for DUI. My God, what a scandal that would be, especially with your pristine reputation."

"The old me is gone," Nora said. "The new me is just likely to cause a scandal," she responded with a grin.

And then the two women left the house, walking out into the late May sunshine.

"We have to talk," Jeff Buckley said to his wife as they came into the house.

"Very well," Nora replied. "Now is as good a time as any. J. J. is off partying with his friends, although I have told him he has to be home by midnight." She walked through the front hall, and into the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat? I can fix you a sandwich. You didn't arrive until just before the awards."

"Yeah, I could use something," Jeff said, and sat down. He was one of those men who just got better with age. He was tall and lean. There was hardly any gray in his dark hair, but his blue eyes were cold. They always had been.

Nora pulled out a loaf of fresh rye bread and smeared honey mustard on the two slices she cut, piling it high with Black Forest ham and tissue-thin Havarti cheese. Placing the sandwich on a plate, she cut it neatly in three slices, and plunked it down in front of her husband. Then she poured him a glass of iced tea, which she set on the table before him as she sat down. "Eat first, and then we'll talk," she said.

He nodded, biting off large chunks of the sandwich and chewing. "You always made a good sandwich," he said, and then he swilled his tea.

This was it, Nora considered calmly. He was going to do it tonight. Would he remain then for the weekend? Or would he hotfoot it out of the house, back to the city and his girlfriend? She didn't care, she thought, surprised. The sooner he was gone, the sooner she could get back to Kyle and Rolf, and whomever else her fertile imagination could think up. She almost grinned. And then the old Nora asserted herself, and she wondered what kind of a woman threw away a longtime marriage. What would her mother think? How were the kids going to react? Wasn't it up to her to try and save her marriage?

What's left to save? the voice in her head asked caustically. The man's been cheating on you for years. He isn't the same person you married. Or maybe he is, and you just didn't realize what a jerk Jeff Buckley was when you were that starry-eyed virgin who fell in love with the college quarterback. You did what was expected of you by your family. By his family. You were the good girl who saved herself for marriage, but the son of a bitch never really cared. He expected it just like he expected you to behave as you always have. Dutiful. Chaste. Patiently waiting. Waiting for what? To be scraped into the garbage like yesterday's mashed potatoes?

"I'm finished," Jeff said, breaking into her thoughts. He pushed his plate and glass at her.

Rising, Nora rinsed them and tucked them into the dishwasher, smiling to herself. She was so deferential, the good wife. She turned to him. "Would you like to go into the den to talk?" she asked.

"No, here is as good a place as any," he told her.

Nora nodded, and sat down again.

"I guess," he began, "you realize that we haven't been getting on, or rather that we've been growing apart, for the last couple of years."

"You want a divorce, Jeff. Is that it?" Nora said, surprising him.

"Yeah, I do," he replied, a little taken aback by her calm.

"You don't think we should try to mend this breach between us?" she pressed him. Well, for her own conscience' sake she had to at least make an effort, she thought.

"I think we're past that," he answered her, but a wary look was creeping into his eyes.

Nora sighed. "If you don't love me, I can't hold you, Jeff," she said quietly. "If you want a divorce, you may have one. I assume there's another woman."

"No tears? No recriminations?" He was at once suspicious.

"Jeff, I'd have to be a complete fool, and God knows I've been near to it over the course of our marriage, not to realize you weren't happy these past few years. You grew in one direction. I grew in another. It's no one's fault. These things happen. And there is another woman, isn't there?"

"You can't prove adultery," he said quickly. "Besides, those aren't grounds in this state. I want a divorce. Plain and simple."

"And I said you could have one. Plain and simple," Nora responded. So he had already checked out grounds, had he? What a bastard!

"Then I'll have my lawyer set it up, and you can sign the papers when he has them," Jeff Buckley said to his wife.

"No, I think you should have your lawyer call my lawyer," Nora told him, almost laughing at the surprised look on his handsome face.

"When did you get a lawyer?" he demanded.

"Every woman has a lawyer, Jeff. That's something you had best keep in mind, for future reference, of course." She was enjoying his discomfort immensely.

"Who's going to represent you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Rick and his firm," she said softly.

He looked relieved. "Oh." Obviously he didn't consider Rick was going to give his lawyer any difficulty. "Okay, I'll have Raoul call him on Monday."

"Do you want me to tell the children?" she asked.

"Yeah. They'll understand, and it's better coming from you, Nora. When they see how on board you are with this, they won't be so angry." Then he grew wary again. "You're not going to blame me for this, are you? I don't want you turning the kids against me over this. Hell, they must have seen how it was between us these last years."

"You're their father, Jeff. Sadly I can't change that," Nora told him.

"You were hot to be my wife," he answered crudely. "If I hadn't been certain of your virginity when we married, I would have really wondered about you, Nora. But then you were always my good girl, weren't you?"

"The girls in my generation were raised to wait, Jeff. How clever of you to understand that. But that doesn't mean we don't like sex," Nora replied. The arrogant son of a bitch, she thought. He had always been like this, and she just hadn't seen it.

"Like sex?" He laughed. "You haven't had sex since I last banged you. Do you even remember when that was?"

"I don't remember nonevents," Nora answered him softly.

"You know, you're turning into a real bitch," he said, and then he stood up.

Nora laughed. "Good!" she told him.

"I'm going to go back into town tonight," he said. "Drive me to the station."

"Call a cab," Nora responded. "As of this moment, I am no longer at your service, my lord. Tell me, does your girlfriend cater to you the way I always have? Or is it her independence and fuck-you attitude that turns you on, Jeff?" There was just the hint of a smile playing about her lips as she saw his jaw tighten.

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the local cab company, ordering his transportation. Then he said to her, "I'll wait out front."

"Aren't you afraid of what the neighbors will say?" Nora taunted him.

"Oh, I think they already know," he snapped back at her. "Even your friend Carla isn't as dumb as you've been, Nora."

"I trusted you, you bastard!" Her anger rose up.

"Like I said, Nora, dumb," he told her, and then he walked out the door.

She stood in her foyer for the briefest moment, shaking. Then she shut the door firmly behind him. She hated him. She never wanted to see him again. How could she have fallen in love with him all those years ago? Dumb! Yes, damnit, she had been dumb! But she wasn't going to be dumb anymore. And if he thought he was going to get away with leaving her in poverty, he was sadly mistaken. What was it Ivana Trump had once said? "Don't get mad. Get everything." Well, she didn't want everything, but she wanted her house. And alimony until she could get on her feet. The house should be hers. But she wouldn't take a penny more from Jeff than it took to get her started moving in a new direction. And the kids' schooling had to be paid for because she didn't want them starting out burdened by debt. Especially Jill. Law school wasn't cheap, but at least her daughter would be able to support herself if she turned out to be as dumb as her mother where men were concerned. Jeff couldn't leave their children out in the cold. His children. What if the girlfriend had a child? Well, God help her if she did, Nora thought.