“Hey Noah,” I greet politely. I smile up at him.

“Hey Hayls. How’s Arianna?”

My eyes widen in surprise and he chuckles. “Hannah told me,” he replies. “You should’ve told us about her sooner, I think it’s cool.”

“You think it’s cool that I have a kid?” I ask incredulously.

“I think it’s cool that you stuck around and took responsibility for her.”

I look at Noah in shock, I think. That is the last thing I expected to hear from someone like him. But then again, I’m starting to see that not everyone will judge me like I expected them to.

“You should bring her to the house the next time we have a barbecue,” Noah adds, surprising me even further. “My parents love kids and it would be cool to meet the little princess.”

“I’d like that,” I reply sincerely.

Coach Andrews calls him and after saying a brief “See you later”, he’s gone. I decide to start talking to someone else and approach a guy sitting on the stands. It’s nearing the end of the team's practice so I take a seat next to him after introducing myself. I think his name is William, but I can’t be sure. He’s tall with broad shoulders and narrow hips, and if I didn’t have a certain tattooed swimmer on my mind, I’d probably find this guy attractive. I ask him a few arbitrary questions, and pretend to be fascinated with his arbitrary answers. I catch a glimpse of Cameron over William’s shoulder, his posture rigid, his jaw ticking. He looks pissed?

“So what’s this for anyway?” William asks casually while packing his bag.

I’m forced to look away from Cameron’s heated gaze and back at the boring guy in front of me.

“I’m sorry, what?” I ask. I didn’t hear a word he said. I was too busy trying to decipher the body language of a guy I shouldn’t care about, but do. It’s at that point that I want to kick myself because in the middle of this stupid, meaningless, yet necessary conversation with this plain, ordinary and so-not-my-type guy, I come to realize that I do care about Cameron. I care that he made me dinner, I care that he kissed me like he was starved for my lips, I care that he made me feel wanted. And I care that he no longer wanted me after finding out about Ari. I care a lot.

“I asked what this is all for,” William replies. “The questions I mean.”

“Oh, right. It’s for an assignment, for one of my journalism classes.”

“Cool. So what do I get in return for answering your questions?” William wriggles his eyebrows and I almost gag.

“Nothing,” a deep, rich voice laced with anger bites out.

William and I whip our heads up to see Cameron standing next to us. How the hell did he get here so quickly?

“What’s it to you, Argent?” William asks. I don’t miss the contempt in his voice, or the sneer on his face.

“Baker, I suggest you leave,” Cameron grinds through his teeth.

William stands, but doesn’t quite match Cameron in height or bulk. In fact, he looks scrawny in comparison.

“She another one of your bed fellows?”

I cringe at William's insinuation and stand to leave. I think I’ve heard just about enough of this conversation and there’s no reason to stick around for what’s obviously going to be a fight.

“No,” Cameron snaps back. “She’s just too good for the likes of someone like you.”

I turn back and look at Cameron, stunned. Did he just say that?

“Well I’ll be damned,” William quips. “I never thought I’d see the day that Cameron Argent is jealous.”

I hold my breath in anticipation of Cameron’s response, waiting for him to deny it.

He doesn’t. He just continues to stare at William with anger swirling in the depths of his eyes. They’re bright after being set alight by William’s taunting and as the heavy silence stretches between them, they seem to be having a silent conversation, their bodies doing all the talking.

Surprisingly, William's hands lift in defeat. “All right, Argent,” he recedes, taking a few steps back and away from Cameron. He grabs his bag and just like that Cameron and I are alone. When did everyone leave? I wonder. I didn’t even notice until now.

I sidestep Cameron, feeling the sudden need to get away, but he’s too quick for me. He stands in front of me, towering over my leaner frame.

“I can’t,” he says.

I wait for him to carry on, and when he doesn’t I frown in confusion. Does he expect me to read his mind? Because that’s worse than trying to get a dog to meow.

“You can’t what?” I ask. The irritation in my voice seeps through and I hope Cameron catches it. The only riddles I have time for are the ones involved in playing ‘I Spy’, not this silly little thing Cameron and I seem to have going on.

His eyes soften, just a tiny bit, but it’s enough to make my chagrin dissipate. “I can’t go back to how it was before.”

“Why not?” I ask. “It’s obviously the better option for us.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he swallows hard, steeling himself for whatever it is he needs to say. I see the emotions in his eyes, on his face, battling it out. Whatever he’s about to say is clearly something he doesn’t want to say. “I met you, and I can’t pretend that I never did. That would be like wishing you didn’t exist, and whether it’s just as friends or something more, I want you in my life.”

I suck in a breath. What did he just admit? I want him to clarify but I won’t ask him to.

“Can we be friends?” I ask quietly. “Is it possible?”

He knows I’m not only referring to the intense attraction between us. I’m silently asking him about the very reason he decided we couldn’t be more than friends.

“If you’re wondering whether or not it still matters that you have a daughter, the answer is no, it doesn’t.”

This is what I wanted, isn’t it? For Cameron to still be in my life, even if just as friends? Only, I thought it would feel better than this and as much as I want to deny it, I’m disappointed that ‘friends’ is our only option. Because really, I want more. And I can see that he does, too, but like me, he’s fighting it. We both know this won’t work, but we’re deluded enough to think it can.

We stare at each other for a while, not saying anything, thinking about what we’re about to attempt. Cameron brings his hand up to my face and cradles it, his thumb stroking my cheek. Our breathing changes and the air thickens as we stand surrounded by everything we feel but don’t surrender to, and everything we should say but don’t. The energy humming between us is starting to suffocate me, and even if I want more, and I want so much more from him than I will ever admit, I do the only thing I can. Because not having him, in any way at all, is simply not a risk I’m willing to take.

So I break. I give in. I relent.

“Okay, Cameron,” I sigh, my words heavy as they leave my mouth.

“Okay, what?”

“Okay we can be friends.”

The intensity of his stare sears me. “Is that what you want?”

No! I want more. I want all of it. I want all of you. And I want you to want me, and my daughter! I yell, only he can’t hear me because it’s in my head.

“We have to try,” I whisper.

Cameron’s hand lingers a moment longer, a moment I wish would last forever, and then it drops to his side. “Okay. Friends.”

And then I see it. The look on his face. He wants more, too, and I can tell that it scares him. It scares me, too.

“Will I see you later?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “I have to go home and check on Ari before my class at eleven.”

He nods, saying,  “I’ll walk you to your car.”

We’re about to leave when a tall, leggy blonde comes into the pool area. Her bleached blonde hair swishes with her hips as they sway, a little to vigorously if you ask me, from side to side.

“There you are,” she chimes, locking her gaze onto Cameron. I bristle, and then rebuke myself. I don’t know who this girl is and I shouldn’t care.

“Rachel, what do you want?” Cameron asks with annoyance.

“I came to see if you wanted to grab coffee,” she replies, coming to stand at Cameron’s side. She looks between the two of us.

“Not right now, I have to go shower,” Cameron lies.

Rachel grins and I can almost hear her purring. “Even better.”

Cameron rolls his eyes and then looks at me somewhat apologetic.

“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” Rachel asks me. I take a good look at her, something about her face and blonde locks seem familiar. When it doesn’t ring a bell, I shrug. “No, I don’t think so.”

Feeling uncomfortable, I look back to Cameron. “I’m going to get going, but maybe I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later, Hayley.”

I scurry out of there, unable to leave fast enough. Something about that girl felt off, and it had nothing to do with how she was touching Cameron. Although, that bothered me too.

“Friends,” I mutter to myself as I climb into my car. “We’re just friends.”

Chapter 11

~ Mid - November 2013 ~

~ Cameron ~

I release a sigh when I finally walk out of my last class for the week. Exhaustion is slowly creeping up on me and I have to stifle a yawn. I look around, watching people pass me by, noticing how quickly fall has arrived. I’ve been swimming a lot more and as much as I want to say it’s to improve, that would be a total lie. I don’t need improvement. I do it to stop thinking about her and the colossal mistake I’m making by agreeing to be friends. But in these past weeks, after Hayley and I came to our agreement, I’ve found that being just friends is so much harder. We see each other at lunch everyday, and sometimes she’ll be at our swim meets and practices with Hannah, but it feels like we’ve been avoiding each other. Maybe I have. Maybe I know being around her is too difficult when I have finally acknowledged that something has changed, yet again. Another switch has been flipped and now I’m stuck. Stuck between what I know, which has been sex and no feelings whatsoever, and what I wish I didn’t feel.