Kristen Ashley - Play It Safe

Lash’s arm pulled me closer.

It took awhile, it was tough, too much happening in my head, too much worry gnawing my belly, too much artillery battering away at the walls around my heart.

But eventually I found sleep.

One day, four hours later…

The phone was ringing and I was in the sitting room, standing with Lash and his mother Rhonda, listening to them talking about how they were going to redecorate it (again). Lash had lived in his house five years and redecorated every room at least once. This would be the sitting room’s third look.

Seriously. How Rhonda didn’t cotton on her son was gay, I had no idea.

“I’ll get it,” I mumbled, moved into Lash, leaned up and touched my mouth to his.

His hand came to my waist and gave me a squeeze.

This wasn’t fake. This was us. Affection. Pure.

Maybe that was how Rhonda didn’t cotton on. No one could see through that because there was nothing to see.

I walked out of the room, went to the phone, beeped it on and put it to my ear. “Hello.”

 “Ivey?”

Shit. Janie.

“Hello, Janie.”

She was silent a second then, “I… I… oh, Ivey, I’m really sorry. I told Roan and Shim I called you. They had to know so they could find out what Gray needed but I forgot Roan has a big mouth. He told his wife Stacy, she owns the salon and her mouth is bigger. Word traveled. Got to Buddy, got to Gray. I had no idea Buddy would, he would…” she paused then went on, “do what he did. That wasn’t cool. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“Not a problem, Janie, just as long as he doesn’t come back. Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s, I think…” another pause then, “it was really nice how you wanted to step up for Gray but he talked to me and he was kind of…” again a pause then, “not happy.”

I bet.

She kept going.

“So, he’s going to do his thing and we need to stay out of it. But, again, it was really nice of you to want to kick in.”

So Gray was going to go forth and lose his land, lose everything.

Men.

Stupid.

I tried not to let that hurt but when I failed I tried to pretend it didn’t hurt.

I was better at that.

“Right, well, I hope he works it out,” I told her.

“No chance of that,” she muttered.

I didn’t want to, I really didn’t want to…

But I did.

And what I did was ask, “Sorry?”

“Movin’ Mirry out next month, Ivey. Gray can’t afford the home anymore. They’re puttin’ her in some state funded place. Never been there but I got a coupla customers had people in there. They say it isn’t all that nice. For her, seein’ as she’s in a wheelchair, they reckon it’ll be worse. Guess it’s not super clean and the staff isn’t all that attentive.”

Shot to the heart, I stood still and steady but I was reeling.

Janie wasn’t done.

“Gray’s beside himself but what can he do? He can’t pay the bills. Got buyers comin’ in from everywhere, sellin’ all his horses. Every last one. Tryin’ to raise money to pay on the note. First time in over a hundred years that ranch won’t have mustangs on it. Town is reeling. You wouldn’t think it would be a big deal but it is. Old-timers sayin’ it’s the end of an era. And even me, only lived here half my life, still, I feel it. It’s a loss.”

Another direct hit, I felt myself going down.

She didn’t stop.

“And that fuckin’ family of his, won’t even take care of their Momma. It’s crazy. No one gets it. Leavin’ Gray to be picked over by the buzzards, that’s already totally uncool but leavin’ their Momma to go to that place?”

She stopped abruptly and went silent.

I hit the dirt, lifeblood oozing out of me.

“I’m sorry, Ivey,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t lay this on you. Sorry. Gray was seriously pi…” she stopped again and then continued, “I guess, thinkin’ on it for a spell, you had your reasons to pick up and go without explanations to even Gray. And, thinkin’ on it, you were a good gal. And I’m glad you found your place where you can be happy. I guess I just wish that was with Gray so he could be happy.”

More blood sinking into the earth.

I needed to fight it.

“I left him a note,” I whispered.

“What?”

“I left him a note, Janie. I don’t know what he told you and I know Gray is a good guy and you care about him so I don’t want to color how you feel about him but he isn’t giving you the full story. He knew exactly why I left, what I was doing and that I intended to come back as soon as I could. Why he didn’t share that with you, I don’t know. I guess he had his reasons and years have passed so it doesn’t matter now.”

“You didn’t leave a note,” she told me.

“Janie, I did.”

“Where?”

“In my room,” I paused, “your room, whatever.”

“Ivey, I went up there with Gray and there was no –”

Seriously? Why were we going over this?

I shouldn’t have said anything.

“Right, Janie, I’m sorry,” I cut her off. “But my man’s mother is here and I can’t talk. I’m sorry all this is happening to Gray, what you’re feeling, what the town’s feeling. It’s awful. But you’ll all get through it. I know you will.”

“Ivey –” she started but I kept talking.

“You take care and be well. Bye.”

Then I beeped the phone off.

Then I stared at it.

It rang again but I didn’t answer it.

When I didn’t, Lash shouted, “Babe? You gonna get that?”

“No, letting it ring,” I called back. “Tell you later,” I finished.

Nothing from Lash.

The phone stopped ringing.

Then it started again.

I didn’t answer and Lash didn’t shout.

It stopped ringing and didn’t start again.

I kept staring at it.

But I didn’t see it.

The only thing on my mind was the only woman who was even close to a mother to me even if it was just for a blink of my life was going into a shoddy, state-funded nursing home that wasn’t very clean and didn’t have good staff. And the only man I ever loved was losing everything he had, everything he loved, everything his family had built for six generations. And the only town that ever felt like home was losing a huge piece of its history.

And with that on my mind, I found my feet moving.

They moved to Lash’s office where they took me to his chair.

Then my hand moved to turn on the computer and wield the mouse.

Then I did what I had to do.

Then I went to my purse, got my car keys and called out to Lash and Rhonda I’d be back in an hour.

Then I went to my bank.

Then I went home and walked straight to Lash and my bedroom.

Then I started packing.

Then Lash walked in and saw what I was doing.

Then I told him my plans.

Then Lash started packing.

Then Lash went to the computer and did what he had to do.

Then he phoned Brutus.

The next day, Brutus drove us to the airport. But he didn’t drop us off.

He parked and went with us.

It was a nice place. You could tell that right off the bat. Very attractive building, one-story, sprawling. Extensive lovely grounds, safe walkways through them, lots of flowers lush even in May in Colorado.

I could see why Gray picked this place.

She was bossy but she loved him and Grandma Miriam deserved to be around pretty.

I walked up to the front door, huge-ass, movie star, black shades on my nose. My body encased in crimson. A see-through blouse with puff sleeves that fit me like a glove, body-hugging blush camisole under, sexy, alluring but just hints you could take and let your imagination soar. Skintight, crimson pencil skirt that hugged my ass, hips, thighs and went down to my knees. Crimson slingbacks with a pointed toe and a high, lethal heel. Smart, thin, crimson leather clutch tucked under my pit. A ruby pendant surrounded by diamonds at my throat, not huge, not small but still, it had to be said, borderline ostentatious. Matching studs at my ears. Tennis bracelet dangling from my wrist. All of this given to me by Lash including the jewelry on our one year anniversary of moving in together.

I gave him a Rolex.

It was his second.

Still, my fake boyfriend loved watches and I loved him so Rolex it was.

I picked the outfit because if Mustang thought I was a scarlet lady then I was going to show them they hadn’t seen anything yet.

Lash and Freddie trailed me, leaving the shiny, long, black, shaded-windowed, rented Lincoln at the curb.

Freddie was carrying a briefcase.

I pushed right in through the door and went directly to the reception desk.

“I’d like to speak to the Home Administrator,” I announced, shoving my sunglasses back into my hair.

The receptionist blinked at me then she blinked at the tall, built beauty of Lash settling on one side of me then she blinked at the enormous, powerful black beauty of Brutus taking my back then her eyes came back to me.

“And you are?” she asked breathily.

“I’m Ivey Larue.”

Yes, I had my last name changed to Larue. Firstly for me because it meant getting shot of the only thing I had left that I shared with my mother and Casey. Secondly, I did it as a present upon moving in with Lash. He loved it so much, tears hit his eyes. He was butch so that was a surprise and told me exactly how much he loved it.