And, it must be said, it probably helped that him giving me that, knowing what that felt like, how beautiful it was and wanting more of that from Gray, my control was gone too.

All day yesterday after our time in the hay, when his eyes dropped to my lips, he didn’t drop his head to touch his to mine. He dropped his head, his mouth hit mine, his tongue drove into my mouth and then we went at each other like there was no tomorrow. He’d press me against the wall, the counter, take my hand and drag me out of a room his Gran was in and there he’d press me against a wall and lay a hot and heavy one on me. Lots of tongue, lots of hands and it felt like, for the both of us, it took a mammoth effort to pull away.

I loved it. I loved that he liked touching me, tasting me, holding me and letting me know he did. And I loved doing those things to him.

In fact, I loved everything.

I loved Mustang.

I loved my little room even though there wasn’t much to it, not even personality (yet). It still was mine and for a girl who carried everything she owned in a bag, that room was a huge step up.

I loved Janie. I loved my job. I loved our customers. I loved having cash in my purse. No, I loved having cash I earned in my purse and the way I earned it being normal, real not to mention legal.

I loved making coffee in the morning from my coffeemaker, pouring it in my cup (well, ones I’d borrowed from Gray but still, I’d have my own soon) and standing by the window at the front, watching the town of Mustang wake up. I loved pouring my own cereal using my own milk. I loved going to the corner market on the square to get bits and pieces. I loved going to sleep in a bed I knew I’d go to sleep in the next night, and the next, and the next.

And then there was Gray who I loved most of all.

Truly, completely… I fell hard and I didn’t mind the fall, it didn’t hurt a bit so I stayed down.

Since I was going to church with them and I spent all day at Gray’s yesterday, instead of taking me back into town only to go back in and pick me up in the morning, I crashed in his guest bedroom.

And I spent half the night trying to find sleep instead of throwing back the covers, wandering down the hall, finding Gray and convincing him to disrespect his grandmother in their home.

Luckily, I succeeded in this endeavor.

But I had the feeling that it wouldn’t be long before I had Gray, all of him, and I… could not… wait.

I looked at myself in the mirror and even to me, taking in my swollen lips, dreamy eyes; I saw that I looked happy.

And that was something else I’d never seen, I’d never had, never felt, not in my life.

“Dollface.” I heard Gray say and at his strange tone of voice, I whipped around to see he also had a strange look on his face.

I studied him a moment and saw it was concern.

“What’s going on?” I asked softly, moving quickly to him.

“Don’t know. It’s Gran. She’s in her bathroom, tellin’ me to call her friend Shirley. She says I can’t go in. She doesn’t sound right.”

Oh dear.

I held his eyes even as I made it to him then moved by him and hurried into the hall, down it and down the stairs.

Grandma Miriam’s room was around the stairs and at the end of the back hall that ran parallel to the front hall which went to the kitchen. Gray told me he renovated their old den with a handicapped accessible bathroom after she had her accident but I’d never been back there.

Still, upon entering her room, it didn’t look like a renovated den. It looked like it had been a bedroom since the house was built. Clearly, he’d moved everything as she had it wherever she used to sleep and put it in here.

Again, an indication of how sweet Gray could be.

The bathroom door was closed. I went to it and knocked.

“Mrs. Cody, are you okay?”

Silence then, “Gray call Shirley?”

“Gran,” Gray called from behind me, “Shirley lives forty-five minutes away. Ivey’s here, you need somethin’, she’ll help you out.”

Gray had shared that his grandmother’s spinal injury was located low on her spine and it was a “partial” which meant she had total control of her torso and some control of her legs. That said, they were weak and the control unpredictable so her legs couldn’t support her if she was in a walker or they would give out at random times. They knew this because they tried.

He also told me a nurse came every day but Sundays and Wednesdays to help Grandma Miriam get showered. Grandma Miriam’s best friend Shirley, a retired hairdresser, came every Wednesday to give her a shampoo and set. But she could mostly clothe herself just with the use of the parts of her body that she had but also she had a bunch of tools she’d been trained to use at the rehabilitation hospital. He shared further that from all that wheeling and moving herself around, she had the upper body strength of weightlifter and she could also do her bathroom business. From what Gray said and what I’d seen, she was incredibly self-sufficient though Gray had assisted in some of this. For instance, he’d installed a mirror over the stove so she could cook on the two front burners and see what was happening on the stove by looking up at the mirror.

It was ingenious.

It was also sweet.

But Gray did not help her with personal stuff. She changed into her nightgowns; he just lifted her into bed. Or out of it. He didn’t dress her and he didn’t bathe her.

 And now she was behind a closed door in the bathroom.

“Call Shirley!” she shouted and I understood Gray’s concern. She sounded funny, not herself. It wasn’t pain but I didn’t know her enough to know what it was.

Though some of it was impatience and irritation, I knew her enough to hear that.

I looked up at Gray whose jaw was hard, he also looked impatient as well as worried and he was moving to her phone on her nightstand.

Before he made it there, I turned back to the door, knocked twice, put my hand to knob and called through the door, “Mrs. Cody, I’m coming in!”

Then I turned the doorknob back and forth a couple of times just to give her time before I pushed open the door and went in.

Then I closed it swiftly behind me even as my heart jumped into my throat.

She’d fallen off the toilet.

How, I didn’t know. But she was on her side on the floor, her panties pulled awkwardly up, the skirt of her dress shoved down. Her chair was in an awkward place, tilted and resting on the side of the tub like she’d run into it when she fell and tipped it over. She’d gotten both panties and skirt twisted somehow, probably panic and embarrassment so her skirt was tucked in her panties in places it would be hard to get to since she had to roll back and forth in the small space she had to do it. And that rolling probably made it worse.

“I said, call Shirley,” she whispered and I didn’t have to know her very well to know she was mortified.

I didn’t answer and I didn’t look at her face. I just walked right up to her, got down on my knees and righted her clothes. I did it swiftly, efficiently and didn’t say a word. Then I wrapped my arms around her, pulled her up, rolled her to her bottom and scooched her so her back was to the vanity cabinet. It was awkward to do all that, the space was small and with the chair wedged in, it didn’t help.

Then I turned to the toilet, closed the lid and flushed it.

Only then, when I turned back to her, did I catch her eyes.

“Are you hurt?” I asked.

She pressed her trembling lips together and shook her head.

“Sure? No pain?” I pressed.

She nodded.

“Do you think I can get you up and in your chair without calling Gray?”

Her eyes held mine and I saw brightness glistening on the bottoms but she didn’t answer.

“Mrs. Cody,” I began again, “can I get you in your chair or do we need to call Gray?”

“I don’t want him to know I fell,” she whispered.

“Right,” I whispered back, “can we get you in your chair?”

“I was reaching for something. Silly. I knew better,” she told me, still whispering.

I scooted closer to her and took her hand. “We all do silly stuff but now we have to get to church. I’m not a weakling but I don’t know how to do those transfers Gray talks about. Can you talk me through it so I can get you in your chair?”

She stared into my eyes and nodded.

“Bring it over here, child, then make sure the wheels are locked. I’ll talk you through it.”

I nodded back, gave her a small smile then did as she said and kept doing it until we had her up, her skirt down, her bottom in her chair and her feet resting on the pedals.

“Need to wash my hands, Ivey,” she said softly. “But I was reaching for my perfume. Can you get it for me?”

I saw the perfume on a standing shelf across and just down from the toilet and I could see how she’d think she could make it as well as see how she did not.

I moved it to the vanity countertop as she washed her hands.

“Was running late,” she said to her hands as she wiped them on a towel. “Thought I’d multitask, save time.”

“Jesus!” Gray shouted from outside. “You wanna give me a clue? Is everything all right in there?”

My eyes went to the door at his first word then they went to Grandma Miriam and I saw my wide eyes reflected on her face.

Then, to my shock and utter delight, she burst out laughing.

“We’re fine, Gray, keep your pants on!” she shouted back after she quit laughing. “Ivey’s helpin’ me with my perfume!”

Silence then through the door, “For fuck’s sake, I thought a black hole swallowed both of you.”