never would’ve met anyone if it hadn’t been for her. I was always

clinging to her and hiding in her charismatic shadow, afraid to

speak up and make myself known. The really pathetic part of it

was I’d not only done it as a child, but as an adult, as well.

41

Robin Alexander

Chapter 6

Not meant to be.

At ten thirty, I walked into Café Du Monde. Satisfied that

there was no blue peacoat in sight, I took a table on the patio next

to one of the heaters. I needed a few minutes to calm my nerves,

but of course, the café au lait did nothing to ease the jitters. I was

celebrating the loss of four pounds, and with that, I found the

resolve to resist the lure of beignets.

At five till, Charity arrived. I saw her first. Her dark hair

was cut short in an inverted bob, heavily highlighted. She was

thin, and that made me a tad self-conscious, even though I was

wearing a pair of jeans I couldn’t get into a month ago. She had a

beautiful smile that lit up her face when she noticed my wave.

“Hello,” she said as she extended her hand. “My real name is

Stacy.”

I stood and took her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m

Shannon.”

“You’re definitely not pitiful y ugly,” she said as she took a seat.

“Thank you,” I said, flattered by the compliment.

“I’m so glad you managed to find a spot near one of the

heaters. The wind is really chilly out there.”

“I have on flannel-lined jeans.” Oh, my God, what a dumb

thing to say. My mind scrambled for something intelligent to add.

“I know that’s ridiculous to admit living in the South, but I can’t

stand the cold.”

“That’s brilliant. I’ll have to invest in a pair.”

42

Pitifully Ugly

I wanted to get her talking so I wouldn’t have to. “So what’s

it like working at Charity?”

“It’s often sad but extremely rewarding, too. I love working

with babies. They don’t argue, and they’re always happy when

you show up with a bottle.”

“I imagine it gets pretty stressful.”

Stacy nodded and ordered a coffee when our waiter appeared.

“It can be, yes. That’s why I love gardening. Everything slips

away when I’m working with my plants and flowers. Accounting

can be stressful, too, I’m sure.”

“It is sometimes, but for the most part, what I do is simple.

Payroll is done by another company, so I mostly manage the

money, pay a few bills, and fill out loads of tax forms. The rest of

the time is mine.”

“So aside from reading and movies, what do you do with the

rest of your spare time?”

Nothing was the truth, but I wasn’t going to admit that. “I

sometimes fish with my brother-in-law. The rest of the time, I’m

shopping with my sister. She has a passion for antiques, so we’re

often muddling through shops.” I sounded like I was ninety. I

should’ve added cross-stitching and shuffleboard.

“Do you like horses?”

“I don’t know any personally, but I think they’re generally

okay.”

“I love to ride,” she said, ignoring my stupid joke. “When I’m

not in my garden, I spend a lot of time with a friend who has a

few.”The conversation seemed to flow well after that. We talked

about growing up in New Orleans and shared silly stories

about our childhoods. I found myself relaxing and enjoying her

company, until…

“So…” Stacy leaned in closer. “Let’s talk about things of a

more personal nature. I like to get this out in the open because it

spares embarrassment later. How many dates do you like to go on

before things get intimate?”

What happened to I’m looking to make a friend first, and if

that develops into something more, that’s fine by me?

4

Robin Alexander

“I…uh…”

“Don’t be bashful,” she said with a grin. “We need to know if

we’re compatible, right? We’re adults, and adults have sex.”

I had no problem with sex, although I didn’t care to discuss it

when I wasn’t doing it. But I did have a problem with her bringing

it up at our first meeting. “I guess your question just took me by

surprise.”

Stacy aka Charity leaned even closer to me and stroked the

back of my hand. “I’m a cut-to-the-chase kind of girl.”

I watched her fingers and noticed the indention on her left ring

finger. Somewhere in her pocket was a gold band that probably

matched another worn by a girlfriend who had no idea her lover

was meeting me for coffee, or worse, a husband waiting for her to

bring home an extra plaything.

“How do you feel…” she lowered her voice, “about anal

sex?”“What?” I practically shouted. “Oh, my God! You touch

babies with those hands?”

“Don’t get all prudish, and lower your voice.” Stacy looked

over at a few stunned onlookers and smiled. When she looked

back at me, the smile dropped from her face with what little

charm she had up until that moment. “Look, I don’t think things

are going to work out between us.”

“I’ll say.”

“I’m gonna go now, it’s been a treat.”

It sure was, I thought as I paid the tab and left.

I was disgusted when I burst through the courtyard gate. As

was becoming a habit, Hailey met me in the courtyard.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I was just thrown for a loop.”

“Were you mugged?” she asked with a horrified expression.

“No, metaphorically speaking. I just had an eye-opening

conversation with someone.”

“You want to have a coffee with me and talk about it?”

“No, no coffee!”

“Okay, calm down.” Hailey held her hands up and backed up

a step.

44

Pitifully Ugly

“I’m sorry. I guess it was all for the best. She was more than

likely going to be a pain in my ass.” I ran my fingers through my

hair and let out a long breath. “I’m sorry.”

“A prospective client, I presume?” Hailey asked.

I should’ve come out and said a prospective date, but I wasn’t

ready to reveal the fact that I was gay. I’d begun to enjoy Hailey’s

company, and I didn’t want any awkward tension between us.

“How about a walk? I’ll treat you to a cup of coffee if you’d

like,” I said as I began to calm down.

“A walk sounds great, and maybe we can have lunch. That’ll

be my treat.”

“Will Fuzzy be joining us?” I asked when I noticed the dog

wasn’t with her.

“No.” Hailey pushed open the gate and waited for me to walk

through. “She’s watching a movie.”

I noticed that she didn’t crack a smile when I walked past her.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, she likes Grease. She can be chasing a ball or ripping

up a stuffed toy, but when that movie comes on, she stretches out

in front of the TV and doesn’t move until it’s over. Don’t try to

sing along, either. That just pisses her off.”

“She’s good company, isn’t she?”

Hailey pulled a pair sunglasses off the top of her head, turning

her curls loose. She looked sexy with the dark glasses and her hair

all wild, but I missed seeing her vibrant green eyes. “She’s loaded

with unconditional love. She never argues or complains unless

I interrupt her movie. When I’m sad, she knows it and curls up

next to me.”

“Maybe that’s what I’m missing in my life. A pet, something

to take care of.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie

as the cool January wind pushed in behind us.

“There’s no significant other in your life then?” Hailey

asked.

“No,” I said with a shiver. “Sometimes, I doubt there ever will

be. I’m not very good at playing the dating game.”

“Sometimes it’s just easier being alone,” Hailey said as she

dodged a sewer grate. “No hurt feelings, no obligations.”

4

Robin Alexander

We strolled up St. Ann to Bourbon Street. When we got to the

intersection, Hailey turned right. If she noticed all the rainbow

flags waving above us, she didn’t let on. She was new to the

neighborhood and probably unaware that she’d just led us into

the heart of the gay district. She was telling me about meeting

the couple who lived in the apartment behind hers. When we

passed two drag queens, she didn’t bat an eye. She smiled and

said hello to them unfazed. I took that as a good sign. Maybe

when I revealed I was gay, she wouldn’t be put off.

As promised, I bought her a cup of coffee, and we found an

open bench dappled in warm sunlight and took a seat. “So where

did you move here from?” I asked. Her lips twitched for a second

before she answered.

“I was on Tchoupitoulas Street for a while.”

“Oh, so you didn’t move far. You’re probably pretty well

acquainted with the neighborhood.” She’d taken her sunglasses

off in the coffee shop, but she put them back over her eyes before

answering.

“Not really,” she said after her lips twitched again. “I never