“Want to come downtown for dinner?” Luke lit a cigar and offered one to his friend. Alejandro took it eagerly and then looked surprised when he lit it.

“Cubano?”

Luke nodded. Kezia laughed.

“The lady’s well-supplied.”

Alejandro whistled and Luke looked momentarily proud. He had a woman who had something no one else on their block had: Cuban cigars. “How about dinner, big Al?”

“Lucas, I can’t. I’d like to, but …” He waved at the mountain of work on his desk. “And at seven tonight we’re having a group for the parents of some of our patients.”

“Group therapy?”

Alejandro nodded. “Getting to the parents helps. Sometimes.”

Kezia suddenly had the feeling that Alejandro was emptying a tidal wave with a thimble, but you had to give him credit for trying.

“Dinner another time maybe. How long will you be in town?”

“Tonight. Tomorrow. But I’ll be back.” Alejandro smiled again and patted his friend on the back.

“I know you will. And I’m happy for you, man.” He gazed warmly at Kezia and then smiled at them both. It felt like a blessing.

It was obvious that Alejandro hated to see them leave as much as Lucas hated to go. And Kezia felt it too.

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“Alejandro.”

“Yeah. I know.” Lucas had been lost in his own thoughts all the way to the subway. “That sonofabitch is going to get himself killed up here one of these days with his goddamn groups and his fucking ideals. I wish he’d get the hell out.”

“Maybe he can’t.”

“Oh yeah?” Lucas was pissed. He was worried about his friend.

“It’s kind of like a war, Luke. You fight yours, he fights his. Neither of you really cares if you get sacrificed in the process. It’s the end result that matters. To both of you. He’s not so different from you. Not in the way he thinks. He’s doing what he has to do.”

Lucas nodded, still looking disgruntled, but he knew she was right. She was very perceptive. It surprised him sometimes. For someone as dumb as she was about her own life, she had a way of putting her finger right on the spot for others.

“You’re wrong about one thing, though.”

“What?”

“He isn’t like me at all.”

“What makes you say that?”

“There isn’t a mean bone in his body.”

“But there is in yours?” A smile started to light in her eyes. Mr. Macho was talking.

“You better believe it, Mama. Lots of them. You don’t live through what I did, six years in the California prison system, if you’re made like him. Someone turns you into a punk, and if you don’t dig it, you die the next day.” Kezia was silent as they started their journey back into the subway.

“He was never in prison then?” She had assumed that he had been, because Luke was.

“Alejandro?” Luke let out a hearty bass laugh. “Nope. All his brothers were, though. He was visiting one of his brothers at Folsom. And I dug him. When I switched to another joint, he got special permission to come and see me. We’ve been brothers since then. But Alejandro’s not on the same trip, never was. He went the other way from the rest of his family. Magna cum laude at Stanford.”

“Christ, he’s so unassuming.”

“That’s why he’s beautiful, babe. And the dude has a heart of pure gold.”

The arriving train swallowed their words, and they rode home in silence. She tugged at his sleeve at the Seventy-seventh Street stop.

“This is us.” He nodded, smiled, and stood up. He was back to himself again, she could see it. The worry for Alejandro had faded from his face. He had other things on his mind now.

“Baby, I love you.” He held her in his arms as the train pulled away, and their lips met and held. And then suddenly he looked at her, worried again. “Is this uncool?”

“Huh?” She didn’t know what he meant, as he pulled away from her looking embarrassed.

“Well, I can dig your not wanting to wind up in the papers. I made you a lot of speeches last night, but I do understand how you feel. Being yourself is one thing, making page one is another.”

“Thank God I never do that. Page five maybe, page four even, but never page one. That’s reserved for homicides, rapes, and stock market disasters.” She laughed up at him again. “It’s okay, Luke. It was ‘cool.” Besides …” there was mischief in her eyes … “remarkably, very few of my friends ride the subway. It’s silly of them, actually. This is such a marvelous way to travel!” There was pure debutante in her voice as she fluttered her eyelashes at him, and he gave her a severe look from the top of his height.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” He took her hand and swung it as they walked along with matched smiles.

“Want to pick up something to eat?” They were passing a store that sold barbecued chickens.

“No.”

“Aren’t you hungry?” She was suddenly famished. It had been a long day.

“Yes. I’m hungry.”

“Well?” He was hurrying her along the street and she didn’t understand, and then with a look at his face she understood. Perfectly. “Lucas, you’re awful!”

“Tell me that later.” He took her by the hand, and laughing, they ran over the subway grate, and then turned the corner toward home.

“Lucas! The doorman!” They looked like disheveled children, running helter-skelter down the street hand in hand. They came to a screeching halt outside the door to her building. He followed her decorously inside, as they both fought to stifle giggles. They stood in the elevator like altar boys, and then collapsed in laughter in the hallway as Kezia dug for her key.

“Come on, come on!” He ran a hand smoothly under her jacket, and slid it inside her shirt.

“Stop it, Luke!!” She laughed and searched harder for the elusive key.

“If you don’t find the damn thing at the count of ten, I’m going to …”

“No, you’re not!”

“Yes, I am. Right here in the hall.” He smiled and ran his mouth over the top of her head.

“Stop that! Wait … got it!” She pulled the key triumphantly from her bag.

“Nuts. I was beginning to hope you wouldn’t find it.”

“You’re a disgrace.” The door swung open and he lunged for her as they stepped inside, and swept her into his arms to carry her to their bed. “No, Lucas, stop!”

“Are you kidding?”

She arched her neck regally, perched in his arms, looked him in the eye and bristled, but there was mirth in her eyes. “I am not kidding. Put me down. I have to go wee-wee.”

“Wee-wee?” Luke’s face broke into broad lines of laughter. “Wee-wee?”

“Yes, wee-wee.” He put her down and she crossed her legs and giggled again.

“Why didn’t you say so. I mean if I’d known that …” His laughter filled the hall as she disappeared toward the pink bathroom.

She was back in a minute, and tenderness had replaced the spirit of teasing. She had kicked off her shoes on the way, and stood barefoot before him, her long hair framing her face, her eyes large and bright, and something happy in her face that had never been there before.

“You know something? I love you.” He pulled her into his arms and gave her a gentle hug.

“I love you too. You’re something I’ve imagined, but never thought I’d find.”

“Neither did I. I think I’d resigned myself to not finding it, and just going on as I was.”

“And how was that?”

“Lonely.”

“I know that trip too.”

They walked silently into the bedroom and he turned down the bed as she stepped out of her jeans. Even the Porthault sheets no longer embarrassed her, they were lovely for Luke.


Chapter 13


“Lucas?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you all right?” It was a dark in the bedroom and she was sitting up, looking down at him, with a hand on his shoulder. The bed was damp around them.

“I’m fine. What time is it?”

“Quarter to five.”

“Christ.” He rolled over on his back, and looked up at her, groggy. “What are you doing up, babe?”

“I wasn’t. But you had a bad dream.” A very bad dream.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I woke you.”

He stroked one breast tenderly with his eyes half-closed, and she smiled. “My snoring’s worse, though. You got off lucky.”

But she was worried. The bed was drenched from his thrashings.

“I think I’d rather you snored. You sounded so upset. Frightened, I think.” At the last, he’d been trembling.

“Don’t worry about it, Mama. You’ll get used to it.”

“Do you have dreams like that often?” He shrugged in answer, and reached for his cigarettes.

“Smoke?” She shook her head.

“Do you want a glass of water?”

He laughed as he flicked out the match. “No, Miss Nightingale, I don’t. Cut it out, Kezia. What do you expect? I’ve been a lot of funny places in my life. They leave their mark.”

But like that? She had watched him for almost twenty minutes before waking him. He acted as though he were being tortured.

“Is that … is that from when you were in prison?” She hated to ask, but he only shrugged again.

“One thing’s for sure. It isn’t from making love to you. I told you, don’t worry about it.” He propped himself up on one elbow and kissed her. But she could still see terror in his eyes.

“Luke?” Something had just occurred to her.

“What?”

“How long are you staying here?”

“Till tomorrow.” “That’s all?”

“That’s all.” And then, as he saw the look on her face, he stubbed out his cigarette and drew her into his arms. “There’ll be more. This is just the beginning. You don’t think I want to lose you, after it took me all these years to find you, do you?” She smiled in answer, and they lay side by side in the dark, silent, until at last they fell asleep. Even Luke slept peacefully this time, which was rarer than Kezia knew. Lately, since they had started following him again, he had nightmares every night.