J. Huss - PANIC

“And then he started asking me personal questions and I jumped off.” I jump and land on my feet this time. “That was my very first night in the garden apartment. That’s how my new life started.” I take Ford over there and we go inside and I sit in each room and tell the camera some memory about it. Afterward we go back out on the terrace and he shoots me standing with a view of Coors Field behind me and I talk about our running.

We go through the whole studio. We hit the two-story-tall windows where I had my test shoot with Antoine, the dressing room where Ronin gave me all those clothes, and the salon where Elise washed my hair. Then make our way upstairs where a sleeping Ronin jumps up in surprise when we enter the bedroom.

“What’s going on, Gidge?” he asks, still groggy.

“I’m recording my life here with you for posterity, that’s what.” I jump into bed with him and Ford sets the camera down on a chair and walks away.

“I’ll see you two this afternoon. That camera is still on, Rook.”

Ronin tackles me and rolls me over on my back. “You’re trying to make a sex tape with me?”

I laugh. “No! I just want a little film of us in private. That’s all.”

“Mmmm,” he growls. “But in private we do lots of naughty things, so that means right now we have to be sweet.”

“I like sweet.”

“Me too,” he says, nipping my earlobe until I squeal. “I’m gonna miss you real bad, Gidget. I’m gonna go crazy down here thinking about you up there with Spencer and Ford.”

“And I’m gonna go crazy up there thinking about you down here with Clare and the GIDGET models.”

“There’s only one Gidget for me and that’s you.”

“And I belong to you, Ronin Flynn.”

He flops back and pulls me onto his chest. “God, I want to hear you say that again.”

“I belong to Ronin.”

His lips find mine, kissing me softly, his hand slipping inside my t-shirt to tickle my stomach. “And I belong to Rook.” 

“How?” Rook asks me with a totally sincere expression on her face. “How will I ever survive until Friday afternoon without you?” Her fingers dance along the arm of the new couch I bought her, along with all the other furniture in her little basement apartment. “I’m gonna be bored to death.”

“You won’t be. Spencer and the guys will keep you busy. Besides, I bet Veronica will be here all the time.”

“Unless Spencer gets sick of her because he’s got commitment issues,” she sneers.

I finish up with the surround sound set-up and then grab the remote to check it out. The TV comes on and I flip through the guide until I see a movie she might like. “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” blares from eleven strategically placed speakers in her large basement apartment in Spencer’s farmhouse.

Rook turns quickly. “Bruce! Oh, I love Bruce. And this Die Hard is the best!”

It’s the second one and I agree. “See, you forgot about me already.”

She saunters up to me and wiggles against my leg, making me laugh. “You’re the one who hooked up the movies. All I need is a popcorn machine and I’m set.”

“I’ll put it on the list, ma’am.”

“You can’t call me ma’am and not jump my bones, Mr. cute-total-stranger-cable-guy-who-just-showed-up-to-hook-up-my-surround-sound.”

“I jumped your bones twice today already. But if you need it again I’m happy to oblige.” I wink at her. “Ma’am.”

“Will you miss me?” she asks, suddenly insecure.

“More than you’ll miss me, that’s for sure. You have Ford and Spencer, they’re already friends, so it’s not like you’ll be alone. I have no one.”

She snorts. “That’s not true. You have Clare.”

“I can’t hang out with Clare. What do we have in common? Nothing.”

“You’re her boss now, right? She’s the main Gidget model?”

“Yeah, but she needs that job, Rook. She needs to stay busy until she’s confident that she won’t slip back into her old habits. If you’re jealous, you should save yourself the angst because I’m not interested in Clare. At all. She’s like a fucking sister to me now.”

Rook wraps her arms around me and whispers, “Thank you. I just needed to hear it one more time.”

I kiss her sweetly. “You’re welcome. Now walk me up, because I have to get back to Denver and you need to settle in. I guess there’s a big party planned for tomorrow with all the Shrike cast members, so that will be fun, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

We walk up stairs and meet the guys in the living room.

“Hey, you leaving already, Ronin?” Spencer asks from the kitchen. “Not gonna stay for the Let’s-Embarrass-Rook welcome dinner?”

“Ha, ha, Spencer,” Rook says as we walk past.

“No, I gotta get back. Roger and I have casting bullshit tomorrow. We need to sort through the audition pics and figure out if we can fill up all the spots for GIDGET.”

“Don’t strain yourself, Ronin,” Ford says dryly from the dining room where he’s messing around with a tablet. “And don’t worry about Rook, I’ll take care of her while she’s here.”

“Ford—”

“Relax, Larue,” Rook interjects as she rubs my arm. “He’s messing with you. Come on, let’s go outside, I have a gift for you.”

She tugs on my hand and when I look at the expression on her face I know she’s up to something, so I follow. “What’s that look for? You’re being sneaky?”

We pass by her Shrike Rook bike as we walk to the truck and I catch her eyeing it with longing. “You gonna ride that thing, you think?”

“Absolutely. I can’t wait.”

“Hmmm, I’m not sure about that, Rook. It makes me nervous. Don’t ride it alone, OK? Make sure you’ve got Spence or one of the shop guys with you.”

I lean back against the truck as she pushes herself into me and purrs in my ear, “You worry too much, Larue. I’m a big girl. I’m only gonna ride it for a few weeks before it starts snowing. Besides, I have the Shrike truck to hold me over until I figure out what kind of car I want.”

“And that’s another thing—”

“Don’t start with me! I’m buying my own car, I already told you that.”

I lean down and kiss her gently. “What were you gonna give me, Gidget?” Her hands slip under my t-shirt and chills ride up my body. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss you.”

“Well,” she coos in my ear. “I’m gonna miss you too. But the gift I’m giving you before you leave is my heart.”

And then she turns her bright blue eyes up at me and I feel it.

I’m not a romantic, I’m really not. I believe in love and all that shit, and I like to make girls happy with presents and careful attention as far as sex goes. But this is something else entirely. She makes my heart ache. Literally. My chest feels like it’s gonna be ripped apart from the longing, that’s how much I love this girl. “I’m totally taking that gift, Rook. And I’m never giving it back, so please don’t ask for it.”

“I’m not sure where we’re headed, Ronin. I have to be honest about that. I know you’re ready to settle down, but I’m not there yet. So I hope you’re patient with me. I just started school and parts of it aren’t fun, so maybe I don’t have what it takes to get a college degree. But I need to figure that out. I might need to go and do all that stuff before I’m ready to settle. Will you be OK with that?”

“Gidget, I’m ready to stand back or step in. You just tell me which one you need and I’m there.”

“Just love me, because I love you. I really do. And tonight, when the reality of today sets in and I have to crawl into that cold bed alone, I’m gonna cry my eyes out.”

Awwww. I lean down and feather little kisses across her lips. “You better call me if you do. In fact, you can call me any time you want and I’ll be there, OK? You need me to drive up, just say so. You need to come down for a day, just show up. I don’t care what time it is, what day it is, or what else I’m doing. You’re my life, Rook. You’re my future, but I’m not in a rush, babe. I’m not. I can wait, so just do your thing, OK?”

She kisses me and the whole world disappears. Just blips out of existence for me. When she kisses me there is nothing but her tender lips and my pounding heart. There is nothing but the buzzing of her essence coursing in my blood and penetrating my soul. There is nothing but us.

“We’re an us,” I say impulsively and she giggles into my mouth.

“We’re definitely an us.”

I gather her face gently into my cupped hands and tip her head up. “If you need me, Rook. I’m here, OK, babe? I’m here. You can come to me with anything.”

We hug one last time and then I reluctantly get into the truck and drive away, my eyes flickering between the road in front of me and the beautiful girl waving goodbye in Spencer Shrike’s driveway.

I hope Ford is wrong, I swear. Because I might die, that’s how bad this makes my heart ache. I might die if she checks out on me and walks away.

I watch Ronin drive off and suddenly my stomach is twisting into billions of knots. This is probably a mistake. I have so little confidence in what I’m doing with my life, and now that he’s gone and I’m here all alone, every decision feels like the wrong one.

“You coming inside? Or you just gonna stand outside and cry?”

Ford is over by my bike. He’s wearing jeans and a Shrike Rook t-shirt, which I’m hoping Ronin didn’t notice because that’s weird. “Why are you wearing that shirt? To piss Ronin off?”

He looks down at his shirt, pretending to be surprised. “It’s a blackbird, Rook. It barely looks like you at all.”

And then he flashes me that chin dimple and I laugh. “Save it, you’re a horrible actor. Besides, the blackbird has blue eyes and the fucking shirt says Rook right across the top.”