Danielle Steel - Palomino

“So you think I'm having a nervous breakdown, is that it?” She looked hurt as well as shocked, but Charlie shook his head.

“Of course not. But hell, a year from now, you could. The time to take care of the pain is now, Sam, not later, when it's buried so deep that you can't find it anymore.”

“I've already lived with it for this long. It's been four months.”

“And it's killing you.” It was a flat statement on his part and she didn't deny it.

“So what did Harvey say?” She looked sad as her eyes met those of her friend. She felt somehow as though she had failed, as though she should have been able to handle it better.

“He wants you to go away.”

“Where?” She wiped a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.

“Anywhere you want.”

“For how long?”

He hesitated for only an instant before answering. “Three or four months.” What they had decided was that she would be better off away until John and Liz had had their much publicized child. Charlie knew what a blow it was to Samantha, and he and Harvey had talked it out over many a lunch, but neither could have been prepared for the look Charlie saw now on her face. It was a look of total disbelief, of shock, almost of horror.

“Four months? Are you crazy? What the hell is going to happen to our clients? What the hell will happen to my job? Jesus, you really took care of it, didn't you? What is it? You want my job all of a sudden, is that it?” She jumped up from the table again and stalked away, but he followed her and stood facing her, looking down at her with sorrow in his eyes.

“Your job is a sure thing, Sam. But you've got to do this. You can't push yourself like this anymore. You have to get out of here. Out of this apartment, out of your office, maybe even out of New York. You know what I think? I think you should call that woman you like so much in California and go stay with her. Then come back when it's out of your system, when you're back among the living. It'll do you a hell of a lot of good.”

“What woman?” Samantha looked blank.

“The one you told me about years ago, the one with the horse ranch, Carol or Karen something, the old woman who was the aunt of your college roommate. You used to talk about her as though she were your dearest friend.” She had been. Barbie had been her closest confidante besides John, and they had been college roommates. She had died two weeks after graduation in a plane crash over Detroit.

There was suddenly a gentle smile in Samantha's eyes. “Barbie's aunt… Caroline Lord. She's a wonderful woman. But why on earth would I go there?”

“You like to ride, don't you?” She nodded. “Well, it's a beautiful place and it's about as different and as far from Madison Avenue as you can get. Maybe what you need is to park your fancy business wardrobe and pour that sexy body of yours into some jeans and chase cowboys for a while.”

“Very funny, that's all I need.” But the idea had struck some kind of chord. She hadn't seen Caroline in years. She and John had stopped to visit her once, it had been a three-hour drive north and east from L.A. and John had hated it. He didn't like the horses, thought the ranch was uncomfortable, and Caroline and her foreman had looked askance at him for his prissy city ways. A horseman he wasn't, but Samantha was an elegant horsewoman. She had been since she was a child. There had been a wild pinto pony on the ranch when they visited and she had ridden it, to Caroline's dismay. But she hadn't gotten hurt in spite of the horse throwing her half a dozen times as she tried to help break him to the saddle, and John had been instantly impressed by her skill. It had been a happy time in Sam's life and seemed a long time in the past as she looked up at Charlie now. “I'm not even sure she'd have me. I don't know, Charlie. It's a crazy idea. Why don't you guys just leave me alone to finish my work?”

“Because we love you, and you're going to destroy yourself like this.”

“No, I'm not.” She smiled valiantly at him, and slowly he shook his head.

“It doesn't matter what you say to me now, Sam. It was Harvey's decision.”

“What was?”

“Your leave of absence.”

“It's definite, then?” Once again she looked shocked and again he nodded his head.

“As of today. Three and a half months leave, and you can extend it to six if you want.” They had called the station to ascertain Liz's due date, and tacked two more weeks on from there.

“And I won't lose my job?”

“No.” He slowly pulled a letter out of his pocket and gave it to Samantha to read. It was from Harvey and guaranteed her job even if she stayed away for six months. It was unheard of in their business, but as Harvey had put it, Samantha Taylor was “a fairly extraordinary girl.”

Sam looked up sadly at Charlie. “Does this mean I'm off as of today?” Her lower lip trembled.

“That's what it means, lady. You're on vacation as of right now. Hell, I wish I were.”

“Oh, my God.” She sank into a chair and covered her face with one hand. “Now what am I going to do, Charlie?”

He gently touched her shoulder. “Do what I told you, baby. Call your old friend on that ranch.”

It was a mad suggestion, but after he left, she began to think about what she was going to do. She went to bed still in a state of shock. For the next three and a half months, she was out of a job. She had nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing she wanted to see, and no one to see it with. For the first time in her adult life she was totally without plans. All she had to do was have one meeting with Harvey the next morning to explain everything on her desk and after that she was free. As she lay there in the dark, feeling frightened, suddenly she began to giggle. It was crazy really, what the hell was she going to do with herself until April 1? April fool… the joke's on you… Europe? Australia? A visit to her mother in Atlanta? For an instant she felt freer than she ever had before. When she had left Yale, she had had John to think of, and now she had no one at all. And then, on an impulse, she reached for her address book in the darkness and decided to follow Charlie's advice. She flicked on the light and found the number easily under L. It would be nine thirty in California, and she hoped that it wasn't too late to call.

The phone was answered on the second ring by the familiar smoky voice of Caroline Lord. There followed a lengthy explanation on Sam's part, friendly silences from Caroline as she spoke, and then a strange, anguished sob as Samlet herself go at last. Then it was like coming home to an old friend. The older woman listened, really listened. She gave Sam a kind of comfort she had forgotten over the years. And when Sam hung up the phone half an hour later, she lay staring at the canopy above her, wondering if maybe she really was going crazy after all. She had just promised to fly to California the following afternoon.

It was a frenzied morning for Samantha, she packed two suitcases, called the airlines, left a note and a check for the cleaning woman, and attempted to close up the apartment as best she could. Then, with her two suitcases, she took a cab to the office, where she gave Charlie the key to the apartment and promised to send Christmas presents for the boys from the coast. Then she met with Harvey for more than two hours, explaining everything he wanted to know.