My eyes still burned from tears of frustration and sadness. My heart still hurt from hope and regret. I had made up my mind, and now it was time to make it so.

I stood, taking a deep breath, letting my lungs fill with much needed air, and headed out of the lab.

As I walked down the hall, not entirely sure where I was going, well, that was a lie. I knew where I was going, I was just taking the long way to get there. I thought about my destination. I thought about what I would say.

"Hey!" My head jerked up from my thoughts, and heading toward me from the end of the hall was Haley. She quickened her pace, and I stopped mine all together. As she got closer, I could see she had something in her hand. "How are you?" she asked once she reached me, taking me in a hug. I hugged her back, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Here. How are you?" We pulled apart, and she looked at me with narrowed eyes, then punched me playfully on the arm.

"You better be better than just here, woman. Look at all this stuff I got last night." She brought her hand up, and I saw that she had a ton of brochures on California, and all of the tourist attractions. "Okay, I figure we’ll be getting there before the peak season starts, so if you wanted to do all of the touristy things, May would be a great time to do them." She pulled one brochure out of the stack. "This place,"

"Haley," I put my hand on hers to get her attention. She looked at me, all smiles, her eyes bright.

"Yeah?"

God, give me strength.

"Last night I did a lot of thinking,"

"Okay," She brought her hand up, playing with a random sting that had pulled loose from my sweater.

"I need to tell you something," she looked into my eyes, her smile faltering a bit, her hand falling away from me. "There are two things in my life that I am so proud of, that I have created," I stopped, watching as she searched my face and my eyes. I knew she could see how red-rimmed my eyes must be, how tired I knew I looked from hours of restless sleep until finally I’d gotten up at three-thirteen this morning, sitting in my chair, thinking.

"Alright," she said quietly.

"Those two things are my work, and Kendall," Her face began to fall, though she was trying to hold it together. "And they’re both here."

She looked down at the ground for a second before I heard her whisper, "okay."

Haley took a step back from me, taking a deep breath, and looked down at the brochures in her hand. God, my head was pounding, my heart being squeezed so tightly. I felt sick. Finally Haley’s face did fall. I heard one sob before she turned, crumpling the brochures in her hand. As Haley walked, she passed by a garbage can, opened her fingers, and let them fall inside as she headed back to where she’d come.

I watched, feeling my own eyes begin to sting and burn. I quickly turned, hurried back to the lab. I had to get out of here.

"Andi? Andi?" Samantha followed me into my office, standing at the door as I gathered all my stuff. "Are you okay?" she asked, looking at me with such concern. God, I didn’t deserve her kindness.

"I’m not feeling too well, Samantha. Um, I won’t be in tomorrow, either." She nodded dumbly.

"Okay." She brushed her hand across my arm as I passed her. "Andi?" I stopped, turning to look at her. "I’m here, you know, if you ever were to need anything. Okay?" I nodded, feeling completely numb, whatever heart I had, dissolving with pain and shame.

I drove home, my eyes dry, but stinging. I had had enough crying for a while. I just needed time to relax and think. I knew I had broken Haley’s heart today, but it had to be done. I would die if I grew to resent her for leaving Kendall and all that I had accomplished here.

At least this way we could at least remain friends. Having her in my life, no matter how that was, meant everything to me. I couldn’t lose her completely.

I tossed my keys on the table by the door, trying not to step on a very excited Bunsen. He wasn’t used to my being home this early, and he was basically beside himself.

I made my way to the living room, plopping my numb body in the armchair by the fireplace. Bunsen jumped up onto my lap. I brought my hand up to rub his head, but this wasn’t good enough for him. He jumped down, ran to grab his rope, then jumped back up, trying to get me to play tug-of-war with him.

"No, boy. Play by yourself." I leaned my head back against the chair, closing my eyes. I was exhausted. Finally the Pug settled on my lap, quietly chewing on his toy.

* * *

I awoke with a jerk, my eyes flying open. I looked around, seeing my dark bedroom, feeling the warmth of Bunsen next to my hip. I barely remembered going to bed. It had been around one in the afternoon, but I just hadn’t wanted to stay awake anymore; it hurt too much.

Now, glancing at the clock, I saw it was after seven. Raising my arms above my head, Haley immediately popped into mind, and I suddenly felt worry. I needed to see her like I needed my next breath.

Jumping out of bed, I called the Landlocked Sea, and ordered crab cakes to go. Quickly dressing, I gave a confused and groggy Bunsen a kiss and a hug, and hurried out.

It was a cold one tonight; how appropriate. My heart felt like ice, and I felt numb from the ice.

Grand-smelling bag sitting next to me, I made my way to Haley’s, praying that she’d be home. Her car was parked out front, and I saw a single light burning through the window. Pulling the break, I cut the engine, and grabbed the bag of food. It felt like such a paltry offering, but right now it was the best I could do.

I stepped up to the porch, and knocked softly. It took a moment, but I finally heard footsteps. The door opened, and the dim light from inside spilled out into the night. Haley stood there, dressed in warm sweats and a sweatshirt. She held Peggy in her arms.

"Brought you some dinner," I said lamely, showing her the brown bag. She gave me the barest of smiles, taking it from me.

"Thanks." She headed back into the townhouse, leaving the door open. I hurried inside, chilled to the bone. Closing the door behind me, I stood where I was. I wasn’t so sure about where my place was now. Haley returned from the kitchen, sitting on the couch, hugging the rabbit to her.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice soft. She nodded, sniffling.

"As well as can be expected, I guess."

"Yeah," I shuffled my feet, then decided to take off my gloves and coat, hanging them on the coat tree by the door. "Haley, I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, or deceive you." She finally looked at me.

"I know, Andi." She looked terrible, her face and eyes red and swollen from crying. My heart split in two all over again. I headed over to the staircase, sitting on the third step up, my knees huddled to my chest, arms wrapped around my shins like a kid.

"Haley, why don’t you stay here?" She grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the table, and blew her nose.

"I have a contract with the school. I have to go and teach the summer session. Plus, about two years ago, my friend, Sergio Vladek and I opened our own practice. We have another twelve months on our building, the lease, anyway."

"Looks like we both have responsibilities, huh?" I smiled ruefully. She looked at me again, nodded.

Thunk, thunk, thunk

I looked behind me to see Oreo trucking it on down the stairs. He stopped when he reached my stair, looked up at me, whiskers going to town, then headed past me to the floor, hopping his way over to Haley, who quickly swooped him up onto her lap.

"Why are you all the way over there?" She asked, hugging her pets to her.

"To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think you’d want me near you. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have, Haley."

She looked at me for a moment, her hand absently stroking the soft fur of the rabbits.

"Why did you come, Andi?" I sighed, shrugging.

"I wanted to see you, I guess. Needed to see you."

"Come," she said, holding out a hand to me. I stared at it. "Please?" I stood, walked over to her, kneeling down on the floor in front of where she sat cross-legged on the couch. I scooted forward until my knees hit the couch, and rested my forehead against Haley’s knee. I was so tired. All I wanted was just for us to go on, to be happy in what I knew we were both capable of.

Within a few seconds I felt a hand on my head, running through my hair.

"I always thought you had the most beautiful hair," she whispered as she continued to caress me. We sat like that for a few more moments before she spoke again.

"How do you feel about me, Andi? What do you want to happen?" I lifted my head, staring up into her pain-filled eyes. I replaced my forehead with my hand, and sighed.

"I visited my mom the other night, and she got me to reveal and realize something." I was running out of time to be a coward. "Haley," I looked up into her eyes, wanting her to hear what I had to say. "Somewhere along the way of all this, I, well, I fell in love. With you." I saw the tears gather in her eyes again, and I was on my feet in an instant. "Oh, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry." She sobbed in my arms, setting the rabbits aside to hop about as they would.

Sitting next to her, I rocked her gently, kissing the top of her head.

"You don’t make this easy, do you?" she asked with a rueful chuckle. I smiled.

"No, I guess not." She got herself under control, and looked at me.

"How? When?"

"Well, my guess is somewhere in the neighborhood of my seventeenth year." I smiled at her. "As for why, well, I guess you just reached in there, planted a bud in my heart, and over the last twelve or thirteen years, it’s grown, and now it’s in full bloom."