Soft, almost tickling me, her lips teased, almost shy in their advance. I tried holding my breath so I wouldn’t all out pant. I didn’t dare want her to guess my excitement level, or my nervousness.

"You can breathe, Andi," she whispered against my mouth. It sent shivers through my body, and I exhaled in a small, quick puff of air. The lips came again, softer than I ever imagined they’d be, almost stroking mine, her bottom lip pushing against mine. My fingers began to dig into themselves, craving the feel of her skin, her hair, anything.

Both lips were on mine now, pushing, yet gentle, tentatively seeking the best place to rest. I didn’t know what to do, should I move my lips to kiss back? Should I just lie still? The lips pulled away a bit, and my mind screamed out in protest, my lips trying to hold on to what they craved, but the softness quickly returned, bringing with it a little more pressure.

One of my hands found its way out from between our bodies, and rested on Haley’s shoulder, warm and soft next to the scratchy material of the cheerleading outfit. My fingertips barely touched the skin, rubbing, just brushing. I felt a shiver run through Haley’s body, and I smiled inside with satisfaction. This gave me a bit of confidence, and I pushed back with my mouth, opening my lips just a bit, just enough to capture her bottom lip between mine.

Haley lowered her body a bit, lowering her weight to rest on her elbow now. I could feel her breasts against mine completely. My god, they were so soft. I had no idea. She moved her head a bit to the side allowing more room for exploration, her lips following mine, opening to capture more inside, and to allow the softest, warmest, most sensual feeling of her tongue, barely touching my top lip, tasting. At the sensation, my fingers dug into her shoulder a bit, messaging the skin, and moving up, along the cheerleading shell, and then the warmth of her neck, so soft and smooth.

No wonder men loved women so much.

Finally my fingers found themselves in her hair, brushing it from its dark halo around us, pushing it behind her shoulder, running my fingers down its long length.

This seemed to get Haley going as I felt that tentative tongue from before finding its way into my mouth, searching, soft, gentle caresses. To my surprise, and arousal, Haley moaned, long and unbelievably sexy. God, I wanted to moan, too, but didn’t dare. My tongue met hers, and they slid against each other, Haley’s breathing coming faster with each caress.

I bolted awake, arousal coursing through my body, my breath coming in short bursts. Looking around, I tried to orient myself, glancing at the clock. It was 3:14 a.m. I ran a hand through my hair, then stopped, eyes popping open.

"Oh my god." Realization dawned on me. That was no dream.

It was a memory.

It all came flooding back to me. Spring break, the final weekend. Minnesota had been hit by a massive storm, everything closed down, and Haley had stayed at my house.

I scooted until my back hit the headboard of my bed. Bunsen whimpered from the end of the bed, stood on tired legs, dragging himself up to plop down next to me, falling asleep again with a snort.

Running my hands over his soft fur, I thought back. Haley bringing up her graduation tonight, and seeing that picture, and all the intense emotions that had been attached to it at the time.

God, how had I forgotten all of this? How could I not? It had all been ripped from a young, insecure girl’s hands and heart so quickly, the sting was just too much. When I’d left Winston initially, I had made the decision right there and then that everything prior to college was void, and my life was about to begin again in college, where things mattered.

What a fool I’d been. Look how that turned out.

I looked down at my dog. Why couldn’t life be as easy as his?


* * *

I squeezed my hands into fists, trying to garner the courage to actually go into the room. I hadn’t seen Erin in about two weeks, and hadn’t spoken to her since I had left her house that night, after... things.

I didn’t know if this was a good idea or not, if she’d care, or even whose benefit I was doing this for. Deciding I didn’t care, it needed to be done, I prepared myself for any response.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open to the break room for the nurses on her floor. She was sitting on the couch, her feet up on a chair, reading a magazine. I swallowed, and cleared my throat. Erin looked up, her eyes narrowing as recognition filled them.

"Hi." I said, my voice quiet.

"Hello."

"Mind if I sit?" I indicated the arm chair across from the couch. She nodded toward it, so I sat.

"What can I do for you, Andi?" she asked, once I got myself situated. She sounded as though she were talking to any colleague, as if I were about to ask her about a chart or something.

"Well, um, damn."

"You never seemed to have problems speaking before. What’s the problem now?" I glanced up into her eyes, and smiled. I could understand her attitude toward me, and didn’t blame her. I had hurt her.

"Listen, Erin, I don’t know if any of this will matter, or mean a thing to you, but I still think you should know." She said nothing, just sat, arms crossed over her chest, listening. "What happened, between us, it wasn’t your fault." She raised her chin a bit. "Erin, you are a wonderful person, absolutely incredible; generous, kind, so much to give." I cleared my throat again, running my palms on the thighs of my slacks. "I’m the one who’s broken. Not you." I looked up at her, wanting her to know that I was sincere, and meant every word of it. "And, I wish you the best. I know that what you need is out there for you, and I know she’ll find you, Erin."

She looked away for a moment, taking a deep breath, then looked down at her hands that played with the magazine on her lap. Finally she looked up at me.

"Thank you, Andi. That means a lot." She smiled, though it was sad. I smiled back, feeling like a weight had just been lifted away. I just hoped I hadn’t hurt her more by coming to her like this.

"Well, okay. Um, good. I have to get going." I stood, stared down at her for a moment. "Take care of yourself, Erin. You want to be ready for when she comes riding up on her white horse." I smiled at her, and was glad to get a smile in return. I turned to head out, but stopped when I heard my name. I looked at her over my shoulder.

"Why?" I turned to fully face her, and shrugged.

"I guess time and distance give you perspective. You deserve so much more than I ever gave you, and it would be understandable if you’d take all this on your own shoulders. That’s just the kind of person you are, selfless like that. I wanted you to know, now, that emotions have cooled, that it wasn’t your fault. You just were in the wrong place at the wrong time to be hit with a train wreck like me." She nodded and took a deep breath.

"I’ve been hearing about the fund you started in Hannah’s name. For her little girl." I nodded, sticking my hands in the large, deep pockets of my lab coat.

"Why should that little girl pay for something that was out of her control?"

"Yeah. Well, it’s an amazing thing you’ve done. You should know that."

"Thanks, Erin."

"In fact," she grabbed her purse from the side table, bringing out her wallet. "I’ve actually been meaning to give this to you." She grabbed a folded up check, handed it to me.

"Erin,"

"No, I want to donate this." I looked at the amount, surprised to see it was a thousand dollars.

"You’re very generous, Erin. Thank you." I stuck it in my pocket. "Well, I better get back to the lab."

As I headed toward the elevators, I felt good. No, I felt damn good. The smile just shot from one corner of my mouth to the other, my steps feeling lighter, more spring in them. I felt at peace with Erin for the first time in three years, like I had finally done right by her, and like she would be okay. And maybe, just maybe, so would I.

I thought of my time with Haley the other night, and what I had learned after she’d left. Life was so funny in the way it threw things at you, and then sat back, watching with glee as you tried to figure it all out. Life certainly had one sick sense of humor.


* * *

With a contented sigh, I stretched my arm along the back of the park bench, watching, completely amused, as Haley and Kendall played with Bunsen. He was totally eating it up, too. Who wouldn’t? Two beautiful ladies giving you their undivided attention?

I smiled at this last thought, and leaned my head against my hand. It had been a week since I had had the dream, and I had decided that there was no reason to do anything about it, talk to Haley. She knew what had happened, and kids do stupid things.

These new realizations made so much else make more sense, well, make sense at all. My feelings toward the Linda Eder CD and certain music from her. The feeling of sadness I’d get at times when I’d listen to her music. I used to equate it with Erin and I, or with whatever relationship I was in at the time. Much of Linda’s music is about love, and the things she wants in life, and I felt sad that I wanted many of those things, too, but they just seemed so far out of my grasp.

At one time they were. As a teenager I had thought that Haley was the end-all of my existence, and I hadn’t even realized it. But we were all grown up, now, and reality takes on such a different look when the lights are turned on.

"Come on, Andi!" I looked up to see Kendall running toward me. When she reached me, she grabbed my hand, tugging at it. "Come play with us."