"Not at all." I sipped from my wine, then put the glass aside.

"Well, tell me about Lonnie. What was he like? What did he look like?" Haley sighed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment, then looked at me.

"He’s very sweet, one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. He had considered the priesthood at one time."

"Wow. Not someone I’d imagine you with." She laughed.

"Yeah, me either. But, we started out as good friends. I could trust him, plus he was brilliant. He used to help me with my homework. After all, I didn’t exactly have your brain at my disposal." I smiled, resting my cheek on my hand. "We began to date, and it was a lot of fun. Then things started to get serious, though I don’t know how because we were both completely swamped with school. I lived in an apartment with a couple girls, and they loved to party and drink, and they both loved their men. It was horrible. I’d come home from class in the middle of the day, and one of them would be with some guy, right there in the middle of the living room!" Her eyes opened wide to emphasize her point. "It was horrible. So, I decided I’d had enough, and Lonnie suggested we get married. See, he wouldn’t live with a girl in sin." She smiled, so did I. "So, I agreed, we did. It was not fun. As wonderful as he was, we had very different personalities, and he hated how independent I was. Not that he tried to control me, he just didn’t like the fact that I wanted to take on the world on my own merit, and not that of a man."

"Oh, not fun."

"Yeah. So, eventually we realized that it just wasn’t going to work, so we got a divorce. I was always so ashamed that I was twenty-four, and already divorced. Some record, huh?" I shrugged, sitting back against the arm chair.

"I don’t know. I think everything in life happens for a reason. There had to be some purpose in it."

"I agree. But, still it’s not one of my more shining moments."

"Oh, I hear ya." I smiled, stretching my legs out in front of me, crossing them at the ankle.

"Yeah." She scooted back until her back hit the couch. "So, Andi,"

"Yes, Haley?"

"You’re a lesbian?" I looked at her, surprised at her choice in topic, but I nodded.

"That I am."

"How did that come about?"

"College." We both laughed, she nodded.

"Yeah, that would certainly be the place to do it. How did it happen?" I felt a panic for just a moment, but took a deep breath, and let it out.

"Well, it was my second year of undergrad. It just hit me. I knew guys weren’t it, no matter how many nice ones I met. It just did nothing for me, yet women I looked at did. I could get more from a woman’s stare than I could from a man’s caress." I sighed again. "So, one day I decided to try it, to see if I could actually go through with dating one."

"And you did?" I smiled.

"Well, obviously."

"And Erin?"

"Erin." I looked down at my hands that were folded in my lap.

"If you don’t want to,"

"No, it’s okay. It’s time I admit to someone other than myself that I was a schmuck. I just wasn’t ready for what she wanted."

"Which was?"

"A family, settling down. Cohabitation."

"And you’re not?" I ran my hands through my hair, shaking my head.

"I guess not. Sometimes I would think that I was, that I could do it, you know? I mean, she was kind of like Lonnie; very sweet, kind, and full of heart. But something was just missing for me. I could never put my finger on it." I looked at her. She was looking at me intently, her full attention focused on my words. I looked down again. "Sometimes I think I’m defective, or something." I looked up, giving her a weak smile. She smiled back.

"I don’t think you’re defective, Andi. She just wasn’t the right person at the right time. It’s not a crime."

"No, maybe not. But stringing her along for three years was."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I had told her so many times that I didn’t want what she did, and tried to let her go, but she kept insisting that we keep going, that she could protect herself, and wanted me with her. So," I sighed, "I stayed. But, then when Hannah died, and everything, I knew life was too short. And just because I’m fucked up doesn’t mean she has to be, too. She deserved better."

"That’s very kind of you, Andi." I looked at her, expecting sarcasm, but only saw understanding. "Erin will understand and realize that you did her a favor. If she’s as wonderful as you say, someone will pick her up, and they will be what she needs."

"Thanks. I hope so." We were both quiet for a moment, digesting the food and the conversation. Finally Haley spoke.

"So, how did your mom take your coming out? She knows, I assume?"

"Oh, yeah. She was wonderful about it."

"I’m not real surprised." She smiled, resting her elbow on the cushion of the couch, her temple against her fist. "I’m also not surprised by this revelation." She sighed, looking at me. "Andi? Why didn’t you go to my graduation? You always said you would." I stared at her for a minute, bewildered, then it hit me.

Without a word, I stood, headed into my bedroom. I opened the closet door and brought down the large boot box I kept things in, digging through until I felt the hard material of the cover.

"Yes."

I hurried back out into the living room, sitting down next to Haley, opening the brown cover, laces with gold designs around the edges.

"What’s that?" Haley asked.

"Any picture I took during those years, I stuck in here."

"Listen to you, those years. You’d think you were in a concentration camp."

"Just call me Rebekah." She chuckled. "Here we go." After flipping through the pages, I found what I was looking for. Haley took the album from me, looking closely at the picture, then up at me.

"That’s me. In my graduation gown." I nodded, sitting back and supporting myself on my hands. I watched Haley’s face as she took it all in; the crowd, the stadium, all her fellow classmates. She smiled, bringing a hand up to swipe at her eye.

"You were there," she whispered. I nodded.

"For a short time, yes." She looked at me, and I could see the tears in her eyes, and the look on her face, part pain, part surprise, part wonder. She closed the photo album, and ran her fingers over her eyes, then opened her mouth in a yawn. I glanced at the Grandfather clock.

"Wow. It’s already almost eleven."

"I know. I really have to get going." I stood, stretching my arms over my head, my own yawn following.

"This was so much fun, Andi. We have got to do it again." She smiled at me, genuine pleasure on her face.

"Thank you. I liked it, too, and I agree."

"Well, let me help you get this cleaned up." She bent down, about to grab our dishes. I stopped her.

"No, Haley, I can get this." She stood, looking at me.

"Andi, no. I helped make the mess,"

"And I’ll clean it up. Come on. You still have to drive home, and it’s late." I pushed her toward the door. "I know that look on your face; you’re exhausted."

"Okay, okay. Let me pee first." She headed toward the bathroom, then stopped. "You have a piano?" I nodded, smiling sheepishly. "But you don’t still play, right?"

"No. I just figured that when I finally do get lessons, I’ll be set." She smiled, running her hands along the shiny wood top, her hands stopping at a CD that was laying there. She looked at me, eyes opened wide in surprise.

"This is Linda Eder," she breathed, picking it up, and looking at the back of it.

"Yes it is." I stuck my hands in my pockets, suddenly feeling very shy.

"You listen to her?" I nodded. "I am so impressed." She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "You’re just full of surprises tonight, aren’t you?" I smiled, looking down sheepishly. "You know, when I was driving here, my little U-Haul hooked up behind my car, I made sure I got here just in time for her concert."

I stared at her, mouth open. "The one in Indianapolis?" She nodded, looking at me.

"Woodrow Hall?"

"Yeah." A smile began its journey.

"You were there, Andi?" I nodded.

"It’s the fifth time I’ve seen her in concert."

"Oh my god! I was there, too. God, how crazy." I had a full-out grin on my face, now. "I wish I had known. That would have been fun with you. Certainly better than being by myself."

"You were there alone?" She nodded, running her fingers up and down the edges of the jewel case.

"My mom couldn’t really get away then. Dad wasn’t doing too hot."

"Oh. Well, next time Linda comes home to Minnesota, we’re there." She smiled, nodding.

"You’re on. Okay, about to pee my pants." She hurried back to the bathroom. I shook my head, began to clean up the mess.


* * *

Blue eyes fell to my mouth, then looked into my eyes again. There was something there that I couldn’t quite read, but if I had seen that look in my dreams, I would have taken it for desire.

"Okay." She said quietly, still looking at me. Was she worried about the same thing I was? Did she worry I’d be cruel? Before I could ponder that question any further, I saw her leaning in a bit closer, her arm reaching across me to balance her self on her hand, placed near my shoulder. My body was vibrating, for so many reasons. I was nervous, could not believe what was about to happen, and oh yeah, I really wanted this.

Soon there was barely any space between us at all, the tip of her nose teasing mine, then teasing my cheek as she got even closer. I could feel her breath, so hot on my face, her body heat immense. I felt just the barest touch of her breast against mine as she adjusted her body, not fully laying on mine, but resting against it, her arm still taking the biggest brunt of her weight, her other hand playing with the hair that laid around my head on the carpet. My arms stayed glued to my body, my hands clasped on my stomach.