Alexa Hoffman - Outcome

"Well, I’m glad, then. I’ll certainly keep coming by." I smiled, then turned and left the room.

As I made my way downstairs to the lunchroom, I thought about that poor girl laying in the bed, today her body useless to her. She was experiencing nearly complete paralysis. It may go away by tomorrow, or may stick around for a week. One never knew with this.

I sighed, and pushed the button on the elevator. How on earth did medical doctors deal with this? How did they separate themselves from the patients they tried to help? What about those who just couldn’t be helped?

I know Hannah’s doctor, and knew she had the best the hospital had to offer. But chances were good that there wasn’t much hope for her.

Knowing that Erin wouldn’t be able to come to lunch today, as she was entirely too busy to leave, I sat at a table by myself, not hungry, but needing some time away from the lab. If even fifteen minutes. I ran my hands through my hair, and sighed.

"Hey there. Looks like your dog just died." I looked up to see Haley staring down at me, her lunch in her hand. I smiled.

"Hey, yourself."

"May I sit?" I nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I was just up to see Hannah Blackwell. God, it’s so sad to see that poor girl withering away like that."

"I know." Haley sat down, getting herself organized with her bowl of barley soup, and an array of different kinds of crackers. "I was up there this morning. She couldn’t even move." I nodded.

"Her mom is up there now. She’s really torn up about this."

"I can understand that." She smiled, but it was so sad. I thought of her father. What was she going through with this? What about her mom, who was there with him all the time?

"Your mom must be one strong woman, Haley." She looked at me for a moment, then began to crush crackers into the soup.

"She is. They put dad on a new medicine yesterday."

"What is it?"

"Avanex."

"That’s a good one. I hope his body will respond well to it."

"Yeah, me, too." She looked at me for a moment, taking a bite of the soup that smelled really, really good. "So tell me about yourself, Andi. Are you married? In a relationship?"

"I’m in a relationship. What about you? Married?" I had been so curious about this question, wondering what Haley had done with her personal life. She nodded.

"I was. For two years." I was surprised, but not that much.

"When did it end?"

"Oh, jeez, five years ago, I guess? Wow, time goes by fast. We were both still in school. Both were far too young."

"What was his name?"

"Lonnie."

"Wow. I’m trying to picture you heading down that aisle." I smiled, resting my cheek against my fist.

"Well, I never did." She grinned. "We didn’t have a whole lot of money, and certainly no time, my folks and Holden flew out, and we did a little Justice of the Peace thing. Then our folks threw us a huge reception. It was nice."

"Did you like being married?" she shrugged.

"It was okay, I guess. I think it would have helped if we had gotten married for the right reasons. Getting married to help pay the rent, and to not have to worry about dating while in school are not those reasons." She smiled, so did I.

"Well, you sound okay with it."

"Oh, yeah. I’m fine. We still talk on occasion. He’s way over in Alaska now. He’s the one and only doctor in some tiny little town."

"That’s great."

"Dr. Littman, you have a call on 407. Dr. Littman, call on 407." I sighed, stood.

"Well, I better get. Catch you later?" Haley smiled up at me.

"Bet on it."

"Dr. Littman, you have a call on 407. Dr. Littman, call on 407." I sighed, stood.

"Well, I better get. Catch you later?" Haley smiled up at me.

"Bet on it."

I hurried to the small room off the cafeteria where phones were lined up for staff and patient’s families. I picked one up, dialed the number, and sat down on one of the arm chairs that were set around the room, along with a coffee pot, soda machine and microwave.

"This is Dr. Littman."

"Doctor, this is Nurse Wilson upstairs. You need to get your butt up here, now." I could hear the worry in the nurse’s voice, which sent a chill down my spine. She was always so calm and collected, and I had a feeling I knew what was going on.

"I’m on my way."

I nearly ran to the elevator, then decided I’d take the stairs instead. My footsteps echoed throughout the stairwell, my hand sliding along the railings as I took two stairs at a time.

On the ward, I quickly made my way toward room 301. I felt a lump in my throat when I saw Hannah’s mom out in the hall, crying. I looked into the room to see doctors working quickly on the young woman, and a priest against the wall, muttering to himself.

I turned to Hannah’s mother. She looked up, saw me, and grabbed me in a hug.

"What’s happened?" I asked.

"She stopped breathing," she sobbed. I listened to the doctors in the room, trying to figure out what they were doing, and Hannah’s progress. The sound of the heart machine’s solid noise sent fear through me. Then, almost like a second chance, the noise broke, and the heart machine began to beep.

I sighed, pulling away.

"Hang on a sec." I headed into the room to see what was going. The doctors were beginning to clear out, and Hannah’s eyes were open. She looked at me, the oxygen mask still over her mouth and nose. With a sigh of relief, I headed back out into the hall. "She’s okay."

"Oh, god." Her mother grabbed me in another bone-crushing hug, sobbing even harder. The priest walked out, stood next to us. Hannah’s mom turned to him. "Thank you, Father Gray. Thank you so much for coming." The elderly man smiled at her, taking her hands in his.

"She’ll be fine now. But I’ll always be here for you, okay?" She nodded. "Bless you, child. And bless Hannah." With a smile at us both, he walked away.

"I need to make some phone calls. Thank you, Dr. Littman." She hugged me one last time, then headed toward the phones.

I took a deep breath, and headed back into room 301. Sitting in the chair next to the bed, I looked at Hannah. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me, reaching a hand out. I looked at it for a moment, then took it in mine. It was cold and clammy, but the feeling of her squeezing my fingers was the greatest feeling in the world.

"You really gave us a scare, Hannah," I said, my voice quiet, hushed. She smiled weakly.

"Sorry," she said, barely audible, but I heard it. I smiled.

"No need to be sorry. We’re just glad." She stared at me for a moment, then reached up, slowly pulling her oxygen mask down.

"Dr. Littman?"

"Yes?"

"What’s your name? Your first name." I felt a lump in my throat for a moment, and for a moment more I thought I would cry. Swallowing it all back, I answered.

"Andi." She smiled.

"That’s my husband’s name, Andrew."

"Well, then he’s got a good name." She smiled, nodding.

"He’s a good guy. We have a four year old."

"What’s the name?" I began to rub slow, gentle circles on the back of her hand.

"Savannah." She began to cough, I put her mask back into place.

"That’s a beautiful name, Hannah."

"What the hell’s going on with my wife?" I turned to see a man enter the room followed by Hannah’s doctor. I quickly stood, allowing him room. "Baby," he grabbed her in a hug, being so gentle with her, brushing the sweat-soaked hair back from her forehead, looking at her with such undying love.

I backed up toward the door, feeling like I was intruding on something very special, and very private. It also made me feel sad, and I knew what I had to do tonight.

I stared at the phone, arms crossed over my chest. I had been home for exactly fifteen minutes, and had tried to muster up the decision, or better yet, courage, to pick it up. Finally, with a sigh, I did, and began to dial.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Erin."

"Hey, you." I could hear the smile in her voice. I closed my eyes.

"Hey. Are you busy?"

"No. Why?" I twirled the phone cord around my fingers, my palms starting to sweat.

"Mind if I come over? We need to talk." She was silent for a moment, I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head, feel the fear creeping up her spine. I’m sure it matched mine.

"Uh, sure. Should I put some dinner on?"

"No, I’m not hungry. I’ll be there in a few." I hung up the phone, taking several deep breaths. I changed into a pair of jeans and tank, and headed out.

I sat in the Jeep for a minute, staring at Erin’s house, knowing she was probably wondering what on earth was going on. Finally gathering my courage, I got out, and headed for the door. I rang the doorbell, and within a few seconds, Erin answered.

"Why are you ringing the bell?" I shrugged, smiled. She lead me to the kitchen where I could smell coffee brewing. "So, what up?" She kept her back to me, which told me a lot. I looked down at my feet, hands on my hips.

"Hannah almost died today." I began, my voice low, trying to keep it steady. Erin turned to look over her shoulder, her eyes filled with concern.

"Oh, Andi. I’m sorry." I nodded, chewing on my lower lip.

"Her husband came in, and he was so loving toward her, it was amazing. The way he was there," I snapped my fingers. "Just like that." I looked up at her. "Erin, I can’t be that way." She sighed, running her hands through her hair.