"Goddamnit, will you just touch it!" With a growl, I grabbed Haley’s hand again, placing it flat on the hard nipple, groaning at the touch. I heard Haley suck her breath in.

"So hard," she whispered. I opened my eyes to see that she was looking at me with huge eyes that narrowed just as quickly as desire seeped in. I grabbed her behind the neck, reached up, crushing my mouth against hers. She moaned into me as I pushed her to her back, my hand on her bare stomach, aroused by the feel of my own naked breast against my arm.

She reached up, burying her fingers into my hair, pushing me further into the kiss. My fingers began to explore further, wanting more, needing to feel more.

I broke the kiss. "May I?" I tapped the skin of her upper stomach. Without a word, she reached down, and pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the floor. My eyes bulged, and my immature mind couldn’t keep the thought out that that hottest, most popular girl in school was lying in my bed, half naked. Wow.

My hand went to her breast, feeling the unbelievable softness of it, so smooth and warm to the touch. Her nipples were rock hard, and I placed my hand over her entire breast, feeling that hardness against my palm. I moaned, heat shooting straight through my body to parts south.

My mouth watered, and before I knew what I was doing, I leaned down, taking that nipple between my lips. Haley’s body arched into me, a loud groan escaping her. Her hands grabbed onto my head, fingers burying themselves into my hair. Her entire body began to move, her hips trying to find purchase on anything.

Suddenly I found myself being pulled up to a hungry mouth, and my body being pulled on top of her. I thought I would come right then and there, as soon as our breasts touched, nipples rubbed together.

"Oh, god, Andi," she rasped, shoving her hips up into me. I pushed back into her, looking for blind pleasure as I spread my legs a bit, needing to find something to rock against, needing release that the kisses failed to give.

"Andrea? You awake yet? I need you to help me shovel the driveway! I can’t get into the garage."

"No, no, no," my mind screamed as I jumped away from Haley, still breathing hard, trying to bring my brain to some sort of order. I could hear my mom moving around downstairs, and knew she’d head straight for my room.

"Andrea?"

"Yeah, hang on!" I yelled, probably far too harsh. My body was buzzing, and I wanted to cry. I heard chuckling, and looked to see that Haley had gathered herself up, covering her chest with the blanket.

"Your family." She shook her head. I wasn’t quite sure what humor she saw in this situation, because I certainly failed to see it.

"Fuck." I muttered as I found some clothes. I tugged a sweatshirt over my head, and looked at Haley. God, she looked so beautiful sitting there, the morning sun coming into the room to fill it with light, bright from all the whiteness outside.

"I’ll help you." She got out of the bed, quickly finding her own clothes, and turning her back to me as she dressed.

We sat in the Jeep in front of Haley’s house, snow all around. The plows must have come through early this morning, though driving was still slow going. Neither of us had said much since this morning. I felt afraid, not sure where the safe footing was.

"Well, I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow." She turned to me, smiling.

"Yeah. Sounds good." I smiled back. She leaned over and kissed me softly on the cheek.

"Thanks, Andi. Goodbye," she whispered, her hand already on the handle of the door. I smiled, nodded.

"Bye."

I watched as she got out of my car, grabbing her bag from the backseat. She looked at me from the open door, her face unreadable, then turned and closed it, making her way to her house. With a sigh, I got the Jeep in gear, and headed home.

The house was quiet, mom heading straight for bed after a long weekend. I headed to my room, turning the stereo on, and sat at the computer, intending to play some Literati.

The music began, and I realized that Haley had left one of her Linda Eder CDs in it.

I listened to the words:

In a very unusual way, one time I needed you.

In a very unusual way, you were my friend.

Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

But somehow it will never end.

I brought my hands up, burying my face as the tears fell.

* * *

I walked through the next couple of months like a zombie, going through the motions. Haley and I had begun to drift further and further away from each other until it felt like she was a distant call, sometimes heard in the night, but not loud enough to show me my way home.

Fear had completely overtaken me after that weekend after spring break. I took the blame upon myself, a little girl playing in a woman’s world that I wasn’t ready for. What would my mom say? What would I say? My future was so bright, laying out before me, and I was watching my best friend walk away. I was allowing it.

I had stopped eating by locker number 218, and had pulled out of the tutor program.

I had taken it too far, and things should never have progressed how they had. When I would see Haley in the hall at school, and I always looked for her, though I knew I’d never talk with her, she met my gaze, staring at me, always looking as though she had something to say, but neither of us could ever speak.

The snow was clearing out as spring came along, melting quickly into summer. The graduation buzz was all that was heard at school, senioritis striking quick and swift. If only it were my turn, and I could leave Winston and everyone in it behind. And the memories.

I walked by the gym, seeing all the seniors getting fitted for their gowns. I knew Haley was in there somewhere, though there were so many kids, who knew where?

"Hey." I stopped short, startled. I turned to see Haley standing by the girl’s bathroom, the door not even fully closed behind her.

"Hi. I see you guys got your gowns." She nodded, smiling weakly.

"Yeah. Kind of exciting."

"I bet. That’s great. Um, congratulations."

"Thanks. Andi,"

"Look, I have to get back to class. I had to drop something off in the office. So, um, I’ll see you later."

I hurried on, not looking back.

* * *

I locked my car, feeling the bulk of the small disposable camera in the pocket of my cargo shorts. The seniors were all lined up at Winston High School’s stadium. All the bleachers were filled with proud family members. The stage was set up with important faculty members already seated.

I hooked my fingers through the chain link fence, just wanting to get a picture, wanting something to remember her by. The school’s symphony started playing the traditional commencement march, and the seniors marched onto the field. I searched for her, wanting to see her face on such an important day. I felt the lump that had been in my throat for the last two months, grow even larger as I spotted her, her face glowing with pride and happiness in her dark blue gown, mortar board with the red tassel hanging down.

Grabbing the camera from my pocket, I raised it to my eye, and snapped the shutter.

* * *

Tears streamed down my face as I sat on my bed, legs curled up under me, the camera laying beside me. The words played in my head as they played on the stereo.

Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.

But somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way,

I think I’m in love with you.

In a very unusual way, I want to cry.

Something inside me goes weak, something inside me surrenders.

You’re the reason why, you’re the reason why…

I grabbed the remote, pushing stop. The stereo turned itself off, and I turned back to my bills, writing out checks to everyone and their brother.

Knock, knock

"Come on in, Erin. It’s open." I yelled. The back door opened, and I heard footsteps across the hardwood floor. Arms sneaked around my neck, and warm lips placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Good morning."

"Hey you." I reached up, hugging the arms, a smile on my face.

"What are you doing? Are you ready?"

"Yeah. I’m working on my checkbook." My girlfriend sat in the chair across the table from me. "You know, sometimes I feel like I’ll never get this house paid off. They raised the taxes again. Vultures, I tell you." She smiled.

"I know, baby. You know, we could be paying on just one house," She let her sentence drop off. It took everything in me to not sigh in irritation. I looked into hopeful brown eyes.

"Erin, we’ve talked about this." She sighed, patting my hand.

"I know. I’m sorry. Guess I just figure one of these days." She smiled. "Are you ready? Come on. I know you don’t want to be late to see the sacred Linda Eder. What is this? Your third concert?"

"Fifth, but who’s counting." I grinned, and closed my checkbook. "Let’s go." I stood, scooting my chair under the table, and grabbed my car keys and the tickets, following Erin back out the way she’d come in, locking the door behind us.

Part 9

I looked at my sandwich, wondering just what kind of meat they had substituted for chicken this time. The label on the wrap said grilled chicken; it was the color of chicken, and even had nifty little grill marks, however, never in all of my twenty-nine years had I tasted chicken that tasted so much like soy. Not even way back in my days at school. They managed to hide it better.