"Do you want to be against the wall?" Lia asked.

I let out a breath that had been burning in my chest. She moved forward, and I half crawled, half fell into the area between her and the wall.  Lia stretched out beside me as soon as I was in position, and I wrapped my arm around her waist to bring her closer to me.

She was here against my body again after so long.  The thought increased the dizziness in my head but also sent the most incredible sense of relief through my mind.  The nausea of fatigue continued to assault me, but at least she was here.

It was too bright in the small room, and the setting wasn’t at all comfortable.  Still, I was far too mentally and physically exhausted to care very much.  Despite the tiredness, my entire body lay tensed between the cement wall and the woman in front of me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I could only shake my head as my fingers gripped the fabric of her shirt.  Her fingers moved up my cheek and over the side of my head, stroking slowly until my fingers against her back began to match the same rhythm.  I sighed, and my hand moved down the fabric of her shirt until it found the hem.

With two fingers, I pushed the shirt up a bit and found her bare skin below.  Another long breath and none of the discomfort of the rough blanket, the cold floor, or the situation itself mattered any longer.  I placed my head against her shoulder as that fuzzy feeling crept over me.  I closed my eyes and tried to let go.

Despite the blanket, the floor was cold, and the buttons on Lia’s coat were pressing uncomfortably against my arm as she covered me with it.  I shifted up, tucked my face into the space between her neck and shoulder, and shivered.

“It’s all right,” she whispered.  “You’re going to be okay.”

I took another long, shuddering breath and seemed to melt further against her.

“Now I am.”

My eyes closed.

It didn’t take long.

At least, it didn’t feel like a very long time.  I woke sweating with the taste of sand in my mouth and dryness in my throat that kept me from screaming out loud.  My heart raced, but before I could move, I felt Lia’s warm hand against the side of my face and heard her voice.

“I’m right here,” she whispered.  “I promise—I’m not going anywhere.”

My grip on her tightened a bit, as did hers on me, and my fingers found their way against the skin of her back again.  With my eyes closed and my forehead pressed against her shirt, I slipped back into slumber.

This time, whatever dreams I had weren’t enough to wake me.  As I regained consciousness, I could immediately feel the difference even before opening my eyes.  The fog was gone and so was the dizziness. My head still throbbed, but the beat was slower and the intensity less.

I could think again.

More importantly, I could feel Lia all around me.

Her scent covered me—relaxed me.  I could hear her slow breaths, which further calmed me.  Her fingers tugged gently through the strands of hair just behind my right ear, and it was as if each stroke over my scalp was removing pieces of the pain, the guilt, and the damage inside my brain.

I could have stayed right there—cold floor be damned—for the rest of my life.  The scent of her electrified me.  The touch of her fingers soothed me.  The length of her body pressed against mine excited me.

I moved my hand a little farther up her back and caressed her skin with my fingers before I turned my head and looked up at her.  Her dark eyes met mine, and I pulled air into my lungs to speak.

“Hey.”  It wasn’t much, but it was probably better than I had managed before sleeping.

“Hey, yourself,” Lia replied.  “You’ve been out a while now.  I was afraid I’d have to move in here.”

“Fuck no,” I said.  “No way would I let anyone put you in here.”

There must have been a little more venom in my voice than I had intended because Lia shrank back a bit.

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly.  “It’s just…this place is…well, it sucks.  Let’s leave it at that.”

“I think that’s part of the deal, yes.”

The door clicked as it opened, and Mark Duncan peered around the corner of the frame to look at us.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

I fought the urge to give him a flippant, obnoxious reply.  As my mind focused and understood better where I was and what was going on around me, I knew Mark was going to be my key to getting out of here.  Moretti’s lawyer could only do so much without my shrink saying I was safe enough to be out on the streets.  Without his recommendation, I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I feel a lot better.”  It was easier when I didn’t have to lie.  “I feel like I can think straight again.”

I glanced back and forth between Lia and Mark a few times and let my eyes widen.

“I really fucked up,” I said.  I shook my head a little before glancing back to Mark.  “Shit—did I hurt anybody?”

Mark let out a long breath.

“No, Evan.  You didn’t hurt anybody.”

I nodded slowly, internally pleased that he was none the wiser about my actual activities.  All I had to do now was keep myself in check—calm and collected—until Rinaldo and his resources could get me out of here.

That didn’t end up working out so well.

Mark Duncan left us with the guard so he could go to the warden and discuss some paperwork. I sat up and leaned against the wall of the room with Lia sitting next to me, rubbed at my eyes, which were thick with sleep, and tried not to let the grit remind me of sand.

“How are you really feeling?” Lia asked quietly.  She glanced up at the guard and then back to me before she reached over and placed her hand on my thigh.

“Better,” I said honestly.  “My head’s a little clearer, anyway.”

“You woke up a couple of times,” Lia said.  “I wasn’t sure what I should do, but you settled down within a few minutes.  You seemed to sleep pretty well after that, though.”

“I remember,” I told her.  “How long was I out?”

“Almost six hours.”

Maybe it wasn’t a full night’s sleep, but it was a hell of a lot better than I had been getting.  I couldn’t have said I felt right, but at least I knew what was happening around me.  I leaned my head against her shoulder and touched my nose to her neck.  I wanted to turn her toward me and kiss her the way I knew she liked it but not with the guard watching over us.  I wasn’t much for public displays.

“Evan?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me what happened.”

I tensed, wondering for a moment if she meant what I had done from the balcony of my apartment but understood pretty quickly that my display there wasn’t what she wanted to know.  I knew it before she even had a chance to confirm it.

“Tell me what happened to you over there.”

“Fuck.”  The word escaped from my throat like a rifle blast.  My hands clenched into fists as images of tanks, uniformed enlisted troops with their eyes wide and nervous, and sand filled my mind.  I shook my head to rid myself of the images, but it didn’t work.

“Please—I want to know.”

“No,” I said.  I pushed myself up using the wall as support and stumbled a little as I gained my footing.  Lia stood with me, her hand reaching out to touch my arm.

“Evan—I need to know so I can help you.  How else am I supposed to know what to do?”

I stared at her, breathing through my mouth and trying not to hyperventilate.  The thing was, I wanted to tell her—desperately so.  I wanted to tell her everything—even the shit I never told the military during debriefing.  But could I do it?  Could I relive all of it over again for the sake of total disclosure?  The guilt?  The pain?  The heat?  The fucking sand?

The door opened, and Mark stepped in.  His eyes darted back and forth as he tried to assess the situation.  The noise and movement startled me, and I swallowed hard before taking a step back and breaking my connection with Lia completely.

“No.”

“Evan–” she called as she reached for me again.

“No!” I screamed and shoved her away.

She stumbled, and her back hit the wall behind her.  Mark stepped up and reached for her, his hands grasping her arms to steady her and keep her from falling.  Without hesitation, the guard grabbed me, yelled for backup, and wrestled me to the table.  I didn’t resist—I knew when a fight was pointless.  I knew that all too well.

“Don’t ask me.”  I kept eye contact with her, pleading from the tabletop.  “Please don’t ask me that.”

Lia stared at me, wide-eyed with tears forming on her lashes.  I didn’t want her to be upset, but I couldn’t do what she was asking.  I couldn’t go through all of that again.

Two other guards came in, but it must have been evident that I wasn’t protesting because they only helped get my hands back into the cuffs so I could be led out of the room and away from Lia and Mark.

Keep the crazy man away from the public.

Shit, this wasn’t going to help at all.

I closed my eyes as I was yanked back up to a standing position and pushed toward the door.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay,” Lia responded.  Her hand reached toward me, but with the guards in the way, she couldn’t quite touch.  “It’ll be all right.”

I shook my head and smiled a little, wishing I could believe her words as she watched me being hauled away from her in cuffs once again.  How could it ever be all right?  As long as I worked for Moretti and the organization, Lia would be in danger if she were associated with me.

Nothing could be done to change that.

Chapter 4—Desperate Thoughts