Susan Mallery - Only Yours

Once he’d escaped and run outside, he’d been unable to stop vomiting and shaking.

He’d learned later that though she’d claimed it was an accident, she’d been overheard privately telling her court appointed attorney that she’d done it on purpose. Years later, he’d read the transcripts of her interview with the police. She hadn’t said she was sorry. She’d said he’d always been a burden and she’d always regretted having him.

She’d never loved him. It had all been a lie.

Since then, he’d never bothered to see if love could exist for him. He’d gone to high school from a hospital bed and had been a scarred freak in college, too young and too smart. The same in medical school. By the time his age matched that of the people around him, it was too late. He was never in one place long enough to make connections, and he preferred it that way.

Then there was Montana. A woman who had grown up in an idyllic setting, with a loving family. She’d never known suffering or pain, beyond the usual bumps and bruises, either emotional or physical. She couldn’t begin to understand what he’d experienced.

But she didn’t let that stop her. She accepted his scars. She believed in the best of him. She loved him.

He’d seen love before, in the parents who begged God to save their child or offered to die in their child’s place. He’d seen a wife or a husband never leave a bedside. He’d been caught up in the vortex of grief when a patient was lost. But he’d never truly felt it himself.

During his years in the hospital as a teenage patient, he’d spoken with several psychologists and psychiatrists. They had explained his mother’s inability to emotionally bond and talked about how he had to heal mentally as well as physically.

He’d heard the words and pretended to agree with them. Inside, he’d shut down and known it would always be like that.

He crossed the street and walked toward Montana’s front door. When he reached it, he knocked softly.

She opened it at once.

“I’ve been worried about you,” she said, pulling him into the house. “You heard about Kalinda, right? Isn’t it wonderful?” She smiled. “Her parents are so happy. I left Cece with her for the night. I’ll pick her up in the morning. I can’t imagine how you go through this with all your patients. But this time it all worked out.”

She was so beautiful, he thought, touching her face. She would do anything for him, including pretending the void that was his heart wouldn’t hurt her. But she would be wrong. Eventually she would feel as if he were some kind of emotional vampire—sucking out her lifeblood and giving nothing in return. Eventually she would see that, and when she changed her mind about him, the devastation would be worse than anything he’d ever known.

He dropped his hand to his side.

“I don’t want to see you anymore.”

He spoke the words flatly, without emotion, his voice cold.

She stared at him, confused. “I don’t—”

“I’ll be leaving town in a few weeks so there’s no point in us continuing to be together.”

She surprised him by standing straight and tall, her chin raised.

“All right,” she murmured.

He wanted to call the words back, to tell her he was wrong. She was so much more than he’d ever expected. So much more than he deserved. But he couldn’t say anything. It was as if everything inside that had ever been good or kind or decent was frozen.

She walked to the door and held it open.

“I won’t keep you,” she said, tears filling her eyes. “Goodbye, Simon.”

He walked past her and out into the night. For a second, he drew in the scent of her perfume. Then it was gone, the door closed, and he was alone.

Exactly how he’d wanted it, he told himself as he walked away. Exactly what was best for both of them.

MONTANA HELD THE TINY BABY in her arms and felt the warmth of her body, wrapped so tightly in a soft blanket.

“Such a good girl,” she cooed softly to Rosabel. “So precious and beautiful.”

Nevada bounced Hannah on her lap, while Dakota held Pia’s other daughter, Adelina.

“This is great,” Pia said, stretching out in a lounge chair, her feet up on a pillow, an herbal iced tea in her hand. “Seriously, I thought the baby thing would be tough, but so far, I’m loving it.”

“Have you even had one second with just you and them?” Nevada asked.

“I think there were at least fifteen minutes last week.” She sighed. “Someone is always dropping by to help. I know eventually everyone will return to their own lives, but I’m enjoying the help while it’s available. The pediatrician says as long as everyone is healthy, it’s good for the babies to be exposed to a lot of people. Socializing and all that.”

Montana rocked Rosabel gently. “Are you adjusting to being a mom?”

Pia had worried she wasn’t maternal enough and that she would mess up everything.

“It’s kind of what they say,” Pia admitted. “The second you hold them, you feel the connection. I’ve explained I’m going to do my best and they’re pretty patient with me.”

Nevada grinned. “Wish I’d been here for that conversation.”

“I did most of the talking,” Pia told her.

Montana was aware of Dakota and Nevada exchanging glances. Although she hadn’t said anything, she knew her sisters were worried about her. The downside of being a triplet, she thought. It was tough to keep a secret.

They talked about local gossip—how the Fool’s Gold cheerleaders were off to their annual camp, and that Ethan and Liz were taking all their kids to Hawaii for a week.

“How are things with Simon?” Dakota asked, sounding casual.

Montana wasn’t fooled. “We broke up.”

Pia sat up. “Was I supposed to know this?”

“No. It just happened last night.”

“Are you okay?” Nevada asked. “Want to get Kent and Ethan to beat him up?”

“No. No one should hurt him. It’s fine.”

Pia leaned toward her. “Fine? You’re wearing about sixteen layers of concealer.”

“I didn’t sleep well.”

She’d also cried a lot, thrown a few pillows and had eaten nearly a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

Not only had he broken up with her, but he’d been mean about it. He’d done his best to wound her, and that was the part she didn’t understand. Simon was many things, including distant and emotionally elusive, but he wasn’t unkind by nature.

She’d seen him with his patients. She knew how much they meant to him and what he sacrificed for them. Which meant lashing out at her had been about something else.

Fear, maybe. She’d been the one to break the unspoken rules. She’d been the one to fall for him.

“Want to tell us what happened?” Nevada asked.

Montana kissed the sleeping baby’s cheek. “We went to the fundraiser. Apparently Ethan and Kent took him aside and basically asked his intentions.”

Her brothers had confessed all shortly after Simon had left. They’d been concerned his abrupt departure had been about them. At the time she’d laughed and reassured them. How wrong she’d been.

All three women groaned.

“I know they were trying to help,” Dakota muttered. “Brothers.”

“Tell me about it.” Nevada sounded disgusted. “Then what happened?”

“Simon walked over and asked me if I was in love with him.”

She glanced up at three identical expressions of shock.

“What did you say?” Pia asked.

“I told him the truth. That I did love him. Then he got paged to go back to the hospital.”

She explained about Kalinda, how she’d nearly died, and how Simon had taken off.

“That was it. He showed up at my house about three hours later and told me it was over.”

She didn’t repeat what he’d said—there was no point in having her friends hate him.

“I knew what he was like when I got involved with him.”

Dakota glared at her. “Tell me you’re not taking responsibility for the breakup. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know I didn’t, and don’t worry. I’m not saying it’s my fault. I’m saying I knew what he was when I let him in. To me, this is no different than going out with a guy who warns you at the beginning that he cheats, and then being shocked when you find him in bed with another woman. Simon told me he didn’t get involved. I knew he wasn’t looking for a commitment or a place to settle. He was always going to move on. I thought I was protecting myself, but I wasn’t.”

She looked at all three of them. “I don’t regret loving him.”

“Finn was going to leave, too,” Dakota told her. “Maybe Simon will change his mind.”

Montana shrugged. She figured that was pretty unlikely. “It’s not that I don’t hurt, I do. But I can’t find anyone to blame. Neither of us did anything wrong.”

“Are you pregnant?” Nevada asked. “If you were, he might want to stay.”

“There’s a happy way to start a relationship,” Montana told her. “I’m not pregnant, and I’m not interested in a man who would only stay for the sake of a child.”

“You’re so calm,” Pia told her.

“That’s because I’m at the crying-on-the-inside stage.” Montana swallowed. “I do love him and I don’t want him to go, but there’s nothing I can say to change his mind.” She glared at them. “I don’t want any of you saying anything, either.”

“Would we do that?” Nevada asked.

“In a heartbeat. I want you to promise.”

They all swore they wouldn’t say a word.

“Good.”

Montana continued to cuddle the baby. She was pleased she sounded so in control and that she’d managed to fool three people who loved her. The truth was she felt shattered by what had happened. She wanted to say she would do anything to get Simon to return her feelings, even a little.