“Do you think there would be such a post?”

“Dr. Carlsberg might be able to help. He and his colleagues know a great deal that is going on. They would find out and if there was anything I am sure they would be only too glad to help.”

“You are so good to me, all of you,” I cried gratefully.

“We feel responsible,” replied Ilse.

“Ernst and I will never forget that not only did this happen to you in our country but when you were under our care.”

I was content to allow them to plan for me, which was unlike myself because I had always been so independent. It certainly seemed as though the Seventh Moon had cast a spell upon me and all my actions had become unpredictable.

So I allowed Ilse to cos set me. I was almost unaware of what went on.

I stitched at my little garments and delightedly folded them when they were done and laid them away in the drawer I had prepared for them.

White, blue and pink. Blue for a boy, they said. So I would have both pink and blue so that I should not have planned for either sex. I knitted and sewed and read. The summer passed and the autumn was with us.

Aunt Caroline wrote that she was surprised that I should enjoy living with foreigners in some outlandish place rather than in my own home but Aunt Matilda, realizing that my cousin Ernst had a ‘heart’ and hearts being funny things, quite understood that Ilse should want me at hand to help.

Mrs. Greville wrote. She had heard that I was staying on to help my cousin nurse her husband. She thought it would be a good experience for me, but she and her husband as well as Anthony were looking forward to my return.

They all seemed so far away in the world of reality where life pursued an even tenor. The fantastic adventures of the last months had sent me worlds away from them.

One day Ilse said: Dr. Carisberg has news. He says that the nuns at your old Damenstift would take you in to teach English to the pupils.

You could have the child with you. “

“You do so much for me,” I said emotionally.

“It’s our duty,” replied Ilse solemnly.

“In any case we are so fond of you. We must think of the future, you know.”

I was growing obviously larger. I could feel the movement of my child and whenever I did my heart leaped with joy. How could this be so, I asked myself, if this life within me was the result of an encounter with a savage brute in the forest? I would never stop believing in those ecstatic days no matter what evidence they brought forward to try to convince me that they had never existed.

Ilse introduced me to people in the town when it was necessary as Mrs. Trant, who had recently suffered a bereavement in the loss of her husband and who was shortly to bear his posthumous child. I was seen as a tragic figure and people were very kind to me.

When I went into the market they called to me to ask how I was; I would stay and chat with them and the women would tell me about their childbearing, the men about their vigils during their wives’ ordeals.

Dr. Carisberg came alone one day and drove me into the town where his friend had his nursing home. He thought it was better for me to see the doctor there at this stage.

I did so and Dr. Kleine told me that at the beginning of April I should come into his nursing home to be prepared for the birth of the child.

He called me Mrs. Trant and had evidently been told the story about my recent bereavement.

As we drove away Dr. Carisberg said: “You can rely on Dr. Kleine. He’s the best man in his line in these parts.”

“I’m wondering if I shall be able to pay.”

“We are taking care of that,” he said.

“I can’t accept.

“It’s easy to give,” he said ruefully.

“So difficult to receive. But it is you who must give us the satisfaction of helping you out of this situation. I know your cousin is filled with self-reproach. She and her husband can only regain their peace of mind if they do everything possible for you. As for me, you have helped me in my work tremendously. You have given me an opportunity to prove a theory. I can’t thank you enough. Please tell me-have you now come to accept the truth?”

I hesitated and he said: “I see that you cannot give up your belief in the dream.”

“I lived it,” I said.

“Of the other.

I remember nothing.”

He nodded.

“It is even better than I thought. And now that you are to have the child you believe that child is the fruit of your marriage, and that is the reason why you feel ready to welcome it. Had you thought but no matter. This is good. Anything we can do for you we shall be delighted to do, rest assured of that.”

Sometimes, looking back, -I ask myself: Why did you accept this and that? Why did you not enquire more closely into these strange things that happened to you? I suppose the answeris: I was very young and I appeared to have stepped into a world where strange things seemed the natural course of events.

I was brought down to reality one day in February. I was visiting Dr. Kleine once every three weeks and Ilse used to drive me into Klarengen; she would put the trap in an inn yard and shop while I went to Dr. Kleine’s nursing home.

He was satisfied with my progress and he did pay very special attention to me on Dr. Carlberg’s instruction. I had had a shock, Dr. Carlsberg had told him-Dr. Kleine believed this to be the death of my husband and in the circumstances might have a difficult confinement.

On this February day the sun was brilliant and there was a frost in the air. As I came out of the nursing home a voice behind me startled me as it took me right back to Oxford.

If it isn’t Helena Trant! “

I turned and there were the Misses Elkington who ran a little tea-shop near the Castle Mound, which was only open during the summer months.

They sold tea and coffee with homemade cakes, besides egg-cosies, tea-cosies and embroidered mats which they made themselves. I had never liked them. They were constantly apologizing for selling their wares and making sure that everyone knew it was something they were not used to as they had come down in the world, their father having been a General.

“Oh, it’s Miss Elkington and Miss Rose,” I said.

“Well, fancy meeting you here of all places.”

Their little eyes scrutinized me. They must have seen me come out of Dr. Kleine’s nursing home and would be wondering why. But not for long.

Although I wore a loose coat my condition could not but be perfectly obvious.

“And what are you doing here, Helena?” Miss Elkington the elder was roguishly censorious.

“I’m staying with my cousin.”

“Oh yes, of course, you`’ve been away some months.”

“I dare say I shall soon be back.”

“Well, well. It is a small world. So you are really staying here?”

“Not exactly. I’ve come in with my cousin. I’m joining her now.”

“I’m so glad we saw you,” said Miss Elkington.

“So nice to see people from home,” added her sister.

“I must hurry. My cousin is waiting.

I was relieved to get away from them. I looked at my reflection in a shop window. I didn’`t think there could be much doubt of my condition.

The weeks had passed and my time was getting near. Ilse fussed over me; often I would find her seated in silence with a worried frown on her forehead and I knew she was concerned for me.

She had consulted both Doctors Carlsberg and Kleine and they had decided that I should go into Dr. Kleine’s nursing home a week or so before my child was expected. As for myself, I continued in my state of placid euphoria. I could think of nothing but my child.

“You will have to wait until the baby is about a year old before you go to the Damenstift to teach English,” said Ilse. Dr. Carlsberg has not mentioned your name, but on his recommendation no obstacles would be put in the way of your going there. “

How strange-that would be! I thought. I remembered the old days (good heavens! It was not two years ago) when I had been a pupil-Helena Trant who had always been in trouble through her irrepressible spirits and love of adventure. How strange that I might go back, a mother.

I pictured Schwester Maria taking sly peeps at the baby and trying to spoil it; and Schwester Gudrun saying: “Where Helena Trant was, there was always trouble.”

Then sometimes I would think of those three days and my love was as strong as ever, making the longing to see Maximilian unbearable. Only the thought of our child could comfort me and I eagerly waited for the time when I should hold it in my arms.

On a bright April day Ilse drove me to the nursing home. I was taken to a private room, apart from the other patients. Dr. Carlsberg had asked that this should be so in view of the circumstances.

It was a pleasant room, everything gleaming white, yet seeming clinical in its cleanliness. There was a window from which I could look down on a lawn, which was very neatly bordered by flowerbeds.

Dr. Kleine introduced me to his wife, who expressed concern for my comfort. I asked how many other mothers were in the nursing home and I was told that there were several.

They were constantly coming and going.

On the first day I looked through my window and saw five or six women walking about the lawn-all in various stages of pregnancy. They were chatting together and two of them sat side by side on one of the wooden benches near the flowerbeds; one was knitting, the other crocheting. They were joined by another woman who took out her sewing; and they talked animatedly together.