Lex behaved as if nothing whatsoever had happened, and I was grateful. I couldn’t believe now that I had actually stood there in front of Phin, unbuttoning my jacket, that I had kissed him like that. But at the same time I couldn’t believe that I had stopped.

I was torn: my body raging with the aftermath of that kiss, but my mind slowly beginning to clear. Where would it have ended if Lex hadn’t interrupted us? Would we really have made love in the office with the door open? I went hot and cold at the thought. I could have jeopardised my whole career. It had been bad enough Lex finding us like that, without the whole office stopping by to gawp at Summer Curtis out of control with her boss.

Everything was getting out of hand, and I didn’t like it.

It was a strange, disorientating day. I slipped back into place in Lex’s office as if I had never been away. Monique was fantastically efficient, which helped. It meant I could pick up where she had left.

Lotty, the junior secretary who had replaced me, was hugely relieved when I appeared. ‘I was terrified I was going to have to take over myself,’ she confided. ‘I like my job, but Lex Gibson reduces me to a gibbering wreck.’

I knew what that felt like. Phin could do the same to me, but for very different reasons.

Somehow I managed to keep up a calm, capable front all day, and I don’t think anyone guessed that behind my cool façade I was reliving that kiss again and again.

The more I thought about it, the more glad I was that Lex had interrupted us when he had. I mean, that wasn’t me, sliding seductively onto my boss’s lap. I was cool, I was competent, I was sensible.

Although it would have been hard to guess that from the way I’d been carrying on recently. It wasn’t sensible to get involved with your boss, to pretend a relationship you didn’t have, to make stupid bets with him, to kiss him. What had I been thinking? I had put my career-everything I believed in, everything I’d always wanted-at risk. I’d done exactly what I had sworn I would never to do and got carried away by the moment.

How my mother would cheer if she knew.

At six o’clock I made my way back down to Phin’s office. My desk looked empty and forlorn already. I knocked on his door.

Phin was on one of the sofas, reading a report. He dropped it onto the table when he saw me in the doorway and got to his feet, the first blaze of expression in his eyes quickly shielded. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi.’

There was an awkward pause.

‘So how’s it going?’ he asked after a moment.

‘Fine.’

Had we really kissed earlier? Suddenly we were talking to each other like strangers. I couldn’t bear it.

Another silence. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.

Phin watched me warily. ‘Somehow I get the feeling you’re not about to pick up where we left off,’ he said.

‘No,’ I agreed. ‘I paid my debt.’

But my heart twisted as I said it. It had been so much more than a jokey kiss to close a bet, and we both knew it.

I went to sit on the other sofa. ‘I’ve decided to take the job with Lex while Monique is away.’

‘I thought you would,’ said Phin, sitting opposite me.

‘It’s a fantastic career opportunity for me,’ I ploughed on. ‘And when I thought about it I could see that it would make it much easier for both of us. It would be awkward to carry on working together now.’

‘Now?’

‘I think it’s time to call an end to our pretence,’ I said. ‘It’s served its purpose.’

Phin sat back and regarded me steadily. ‘Has Jonathan come through?’

‘We had a talk in Aduaba,’ I admitted. ‘He said he wanted to try again.’

‘And what did you say?’

‘I said I’d think about it.’

‘I see.’

I bit my lip. ‘The Glitz article has come out. Even Jewel’s given up on you.’ I tried to joke. ‘There’s nothing in it for you any more. We should pretend that it’s over now.’

‘Is that what you want?’

‘To be honest, Phin, I don’t know what I want at the moment,’ I said with a sigh. ‘It’s all been…’

I tried to think of a way to describe how it had felt, but couldn’t do it. ‘I’m confused,’ I said instead. ‘You, Jonathan, Africa, this new job…I don’t know what I feel about any of it. I don’t know what I’m doing any more.’

‘You seemed to know exactly what you were doing earlier this morning,’ said Phin.

I could feel the colour creeping up my throat. ‘I got…carried away,’ I said with difficulty. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise for it,’ he said almost angrily. ‘Getting carried away isn’t always a bad thing, Summer.’

‘It is for me.’ Restlessly, I got to my feet. Hugging my arms together, I went over to the window and looked down at the commuters streaming towards Charing Cross.

‘My mother’s spent her whole life being carried away by one thing or another,’ I told him. ‘I was dragged along in her wake, and all I ever wanted was something to hold onto, somewhere I could stay, somewhere I could call home. That’s why my job has always been so important to me. I know it’s not a high-flying career, but I like it, and I do it well.’

I turned back to Phin, trying to make him understand. ‘This morning…that was so unprofessional. When I saw Lex, I thought he was going to sack me. I wouldn’t have blamed him, either.’

‘He wouldn’t have sacked you. I wouldn’t have let him.’ There was an edge of irritation in Phin’s voice as he got up to join me at the window. ‘It was only a kiss, Summer, not embezzlement or industrial espionage. You should keep it in perspective. It wasn’t that big a deal.’

‘For you, perhaps,’ I said tautly. ‘You don’t care about this job. You don’t really want to be here. I know you’d rather be off travelling, challenging yourself…there are so many things you want to do. It’s different for me. My job is all I’ve got.’

There was a long silence. We stood side by side, looking out of the window.

‘Perhaps it’s just as well Lex interrupted us when he did,’ said Phin at last.

‘I’ll find you a replacement PA as soon as I can.’

‘There’s no hurry,’ he said, turning away, restless again. ‘I was thinking of taking off for a while. One of the crew on the Collocom ocean race has been hospitalised in Rio, and they’ve asked me if I could fill in on the next leg to Boston. I just heard today. I said I’d ring tonight and let them know.’

Why was I even surprised? Had I really thought he would persuade me to change my mind? Phin would never be happy to stay in one place for long.

‘What about things here?’

‘There’s nothing urgent. The projects we’ve set up will keep ticking over, and if not maybe you could keep an eye on them. Otherwise I was just due to do PR stuff, and I might as well do that on a yacht. Gibson & Grieve is one of the race’s sponsors, so Lex can’t complain-especially not when he’s taken my PA away from me!’

It would always have been like this, I realised. Me clinging to the safety of my routine, Phin always in search of distraction. It could never have worked. We were too different. Better to decide that now. Phin was right. It was just as well Lex had come in when he had.

‘So…what will we say about our relationship if anyone asks?’

‘You could tell everyone you got fed up with me never being around,’ he suggested. ‘That would ring true. Everyone knows I’m not big on commitment.’

They did. So why had I let myself forget?

‘Or you could say that I wasn’t exciting enough for you,’ I offered. ‘Everyone would believe that.’

‘Not if they’d seen you take down your hair this morning,’ said Phin with a painful smile.

There seemed nothing more to say. We stood shoulder to shoulder at the window, not looking at each other, both facing the fact that it was all for the best. I wondered if Phin was feeling as bleak as I was.

‘Well,’ I said at last, ‘it looks as if it’s all change for both of us.’

‘Yes,’ said Phin. He turned to look at me, and for once there was no laughter in the blue eyes. ‘Thank you for everything you’ve done, Summer. I hope Lex knows how lucky he is.’

‘Thank you for all the doughnuts,’ I said unevenly.

‘They won’t be the same without you.’

I wanted to tell him that I would think of him every time I had coffee. I wanted to tell him that I would miss him. I wanted to thank him for taking me to Africa, for making me feel, for refusing to let me give up on my dreams. But when I opened my mouth my throat was too tight to speak, and I knew that even if I could I would cry.

‘I must go,’ was all I muttered, backing away. ‘I’ll see you before you go, I expect.’

I don’t know whether it made it easier or not, but I didn’t see him. He sent me an e-mail saying that he had got a flight the next day and that he’d be out of contact for a while.

‘I know you’re more than capable of making any decisions in my absence,’ he finished. ‘Enjoy your promotion-you deserve it.’


I tried to enjoy it. Honestly I did. I told myself endlessly that it was all for the best. I had the job I’d always wanted and a salary to match. I would be able to save in a way I never had before. If I was careful, I could think about putting down a deposit on a studio at the end of the year. What more did I want?

Whenever I asked myself that, Phin’s image would appear in my mind. I could picture him in such detail it hurt. That lazy, lopsided grin. The blue, blue eyes. The warmth and humour and wonderful solidity of him. The longing to see him would clutch at my throat, making it hard to breathe, and I wanted to run down the stairs, back to his office, to throw myself onto his lap and spin and spin and spin on his chair as we kissed.

But his chair was empty. Phin wasn’t there. He was out on the ocean, in the ozone, the wind in his hair and his eyes full of sunlight. He was where he wanted to be.