Catching her breath, Emma followed his gaze. In the corner of the drawer the picture of her children seemed to glow. With accusation.
“Are they yours?”
She waited two heartbeats, then nodded. “Yes,” she whispered. “They’re mine.”
The silence that built felt like a living thing, breathing and waiting between them.
“Why did you lie to me the other night?” he finally asked.
“I don’t know.” She swallowed hard, then shook her head slowly. “Yes, I do. It’s because I don’t have them. They live with their father, and sometimes it’s just too hard to…to talk about them.”
She waited for the next painful question, the one that always hurt the most. Why does he have them and not you?
When it didn’t come, she answered, anyway, something compelling her to speak-the same thing that was drawing them closer, she suspected. “The divorce was…ugly. There were accusations made. Against me. He got full custody.”
“Did you fight him?”
“As much as I could.” Her low voice contained regret, but not the oceans of it she usually carried around, the horrible, heavy burden that she never put down. “His family is very powerful in Louisiana, and money isn’t a problem. Until I can afford an attorney who isn’t afraid of them, the things Todd said about me won’t go away.” She dropped her gaze and stared at her babies’ faces.
“What did he say?”
When she didn’t answer, Raul lifted her chin with one finger.
She spoke, knowing he’d never relent until he knew the truth. “He told everyone who would listen that I was a dreadful mother and a horrible person.” A cramp seized her heart. She had to wait for it to pass before she could speak again. “The judge believed him and I lost all right to see my children.”
“He must have had a reason to do something that drastic.”
She looked up into the black well of his eyes. “He did,” she said hoarsely. “I was addicted to pain pills and alcohol.”
The confession hung in the stillness between them. Raul’s expression didn’t change, didn’t move. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“I…I had a car accident right after Sarah was born. It was a really bad accident, and I injured my back severely. The pain just wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t pick her up, I couldn’t nurse her, I couldn’t do anything. And poor Jake got ignored completely. I was a bad mother. When the doctor gave me something that made the pain a little easier to bear, I was ecstatic. It let me take care of the children again, be the kind of mother I wanted to be. My only complaint was that it didn’t last long enough. I had a drink one night because I was so depressed about it all, and I realized the alcohol worked with the pills. It made the pain stay away longer.”
“A bad combination.”
“The worst,” she agreed. “Before I knew what was happening, I couldn’t function on my own. And then…I couldn’t function at all. It was just what Todd needed. He’d wanted the divorce, anyway, and was looking for a reason. When we’d met, he’d thought I was someone he could manipulate and control, but I wasn’t. I had a mind of my own and ambitions of my own, and he didn’t want that in a wife.” She shook her head and tightened her mouth. “Actually, he hadn’t wanted a wife, he’d wanted a trophy, and he fell in love with my looks, not me. I was a pretty blonde and seemed to be everything he wished for, but on the inside I wasn’t the sweet little woman he’d thought. My problems gave him all the ammunition he needed. In one fell swoop, I lost my job, my children, my home and my husband.”
Emma stopped as a gust of wind rattled the windows and pulled her gaze to them. She caught her breath. The Indian woman was outside on the sidewalk, trudging forward into the steady blast as if it didn’t exist. On her back, wrapped in the aguayo, she carried her child.
Raul followed Emma’s gaze. Together they watched the woman until she disappeared around the corner. For a moment they were quiet, then Emma spoke again, her eyes still on the window.
“Our relationship had already fallen by the wayside, and the house never mattered. I didn’t give a damn about any of it except my kids. They were my life. They are my life. And I’m going to get them back,” she said. “If it’s the last thing I do on this earth, I’m going to get my children back.”
SHE LOOKED UP at him with defiant eyes as she made her pronouncement. There was so much pain in her expression-and so much determination-Raul felt a chill sweep over him.
Without another word, she turned to face her computer again and tapped the keys rapidly, shutting it down. The hard drive whirred as it responded to her commands, then the terminal blinked into darkness.
She rose in one fluid movement. “I guess I owe you an apology,” she said. “Obviously our system didn’t catch the deposit when it should have. I’m sorry for the trouble.”
Telling him her history had taken its toll. The shadows beneath her eyes were darker than they’d been when he’d first spotted her at the bar. She looked wrung out, vulnerable-and more beautiful than he would have thought possible.
It made him feel like the complete and utter bastard he was. The upside was obvious, though. If she trusted him enough to tell him this, then maybe she’d trust him enough to tell him when Kelman made his move. It was the perfect setup, Raul thought regretfully. Kelman himself couldn’t have dreamed a better scenario.
Emma started around the corner of her desk, and Raul reached out a hand to stop her. She’d removed her jacket when they’d entered the office, and beneath his fingers, under the silk sleeve of her blouse, he could feel her tense.
He met her questioning look. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For telling me the truth.”
Without taking his hand from her arm, he moved around the edge of the desk to stand closer to her. The glow from the lamp made her blond hair gleam. Her skin looked as pale and luminescent as the light itself. Just like the first time he’d seen her, the only color in her face came from her mouth. Her lips were full and red.
“You know why you finally told me, don’t you?” He didn’t wait for her answer. “I do. It’s simple.”
She smiled regretfully. “Nothing in life is simple.”
“This is.” He waited a moment, then continued, “You trust me now.”
She didn’t say anything, but he could see her thinking. If she denied his statement, their business relationship might suffer. If she agreed, she gave away even more of herself. It was a classic dilemma, and all she could do was acknowledge it.
“You’re very clever, aren’t you?”
He lifted his hands to her face and cradled it gently. The air was still and expectant around them, a complete contrast to the howling gusts outside. “No, I don’t think so,” he said slowly. “If I were clever, I wouldn’t do this.” He leaned over and pressed his mouth to hers. This time in a real kiss. A kiss neither of them could ignore when it was over.
She resisted for a heartbeat, then she gave in, her mouth melding to his. Her luscious lips were soft and forgiving. She tasted sweet, too, and for some unexplained reason, he flashed back to his very first kiss. Martina Garcia. Behind the bleachers when they’d both been in the sixth grade. He’d kissed a lot of women since Martina, but none of them had rekindled that initial flash of heat and pure desire. Until now.
After a moment, Emma’s hands pushed gently at his chest, and he pulled back reluctantly. She stared into his eyes. “You’re right,” she said quietly. “That wasn’t a very smart thing to do. But I’m glad you did.”
RAUL PARKED directly in front of her house. Feeling too conflicted even to think about the consequences of what she was doing, Emma led him up the sidewalk to her gate, then through it, to the door. Her thoughts whirled, but she hardly noticed. Her body was the only thing that counted right now. Every emotion, every sensation, every feeling was something she’d never experienced before. The wind on her face, the heat of the evening, even the call of the wild parrots from next door-it all felt so different, almost unreal.
Raul’s kiss had triggered something needy in her, something she didn’t even realize had been missing until this very moment. As they entered her house and he swept her into his arms, she wondered blindly if it had been his kiss or his offer of friendship that had brought them to this point.
She had to have both, she realized now, and maybe he did, too. She wanted a man who needed her, but she needed a man who wanted her. There was a hidden side to him that called out to her, a side that said he’d been hurt, too. They could heal each other, at least for a night.
He lifted his hand to her face, cradling her cheek in his palm. Their eyes met and locked, then he lowered his head and began to kiss her.
CHAPTER NINE
SHE ENTERED his embrace with an urgency that surprised him, and he took full advantage of her passion, ignoring the voices in the back of his head that insisted he leave while he still could. Their advice was useless and he knew it.
He couldn’t have stopped kissing Emma any more than he could have stopped his heart from beating. She was too soft, too tender, too willing to let his lips and hands put aside the pain that was now a part of her very soul. As his mouth covered hers and he tasted the sweetness of her tongue, he thought of the way she’d looked when she’d told him about her children. He had never seen that kind of anguish on anyone’s face. It had ripped into him with a sharpness he’d never forget. In his past, he’d lost years, but she’d forfeited something even more precious. Her future.
Their kiss deepened and he knew he was lost. Lost and crazy, for sure. Raul wanted Kelman, and he’d counted on using Emma to get him. The way he felt about her this very minute was not part of the plan, and it never had been.
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