Ethan shook his head sadly. “I feel for you, man. I really do. But you need to focus on appreciating what you have instead of being miserable about what you don’t. You’re being set up for life here. What you’re building now could make you happy forever.”

“No. What you have now will make you happy forever. I’ll still be living in your shadow.”

Since Gage is standing right here in the thank-you circle, I guess he decided not to walk out. Yet. But it leaves a huge question about what’s going to happen to the band after this tour ends.

Ethan finishes his thank-you circle speech. “Everyone else . . . you are the ones who make all of this possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.” He squeezes my hand. “Bring it in.”

Everyone stacks their hands in the center of the circle. Together we chant, “One . . . two . . . three . . . forever!”

My seat is at stage left. That’s where friends and family sit at the Garden. The performers enter and exit stage left, right in front of the little friends-and-family section. I find my seat. Marion and her friends are sitting next to me.

“Hey!” Marion says when I sit down. “Are you psyched?”

“Totally. Did you find Damien?”

“I did. He’s a cutie, huh?”

My heart sinks again. Not sure why that keeps happening. Why should I care if Marion likes Damien?

“He’s . . . okay,” I say.

“Okay? Oh. Is this like a loyalty-to-Ethan thing? Because you’re allowed to think other guys are cute.”

I’m trying to come up with a decent response when the lights dim. The crowd screams. Ethan’s band comes onstage. Then Ethan comes out.

The crowd goes ballistic.

His fourth song is “Now and Forever.” The song he wrote for me. Watching Ethan sing our song to thousands of other girls is kind of heartbreaking. But it’s also really cool. No matter how bad my insecurities sometimes make me feel, nothing feels as good as being Ethan’s girlfriend.

39

[17,758,232 FOLLOWERS]


“Hello?” Damien says.

“Hey. It’s me.”

“Hey.”

“Can you talk?”

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I have good news and bad news.”

“Always lead with the good news.”

“I got into the University of Vermont.” I just found out. Damien was the first person I wanted to call.

“Sweet! Congrats!”

“Thanks.”

“That rules. I’m so psyched for you.”

Of course I’m psyched, too. But I should be more psyched. The latest Ethan drama is like a dark cloud hanging over everything.

“Why do I sound more psyched than you?” Damien asks.

“Ready for the bad news?”

“Hit me.”

“Did you see that interview with Ethan in Entertainment Weekly?”

“No. Why?”

“He said some things that . . . just weren’t him.”

“Like what?”

“Um, I think the worst quote was, ‘I’m a baller now. Money, clothes, girls . . . who wouldn’t want my lifestyle?’” Tears spring to my eyes. Whatever happened to always being genuine, no matter what? Whatever happened to his promise that he would always be my Ethan? “I’m worried that The New York Times Magazine reporter is going to write an unflattering article.”

“Can you call him and defend Ethan?”

“Defend him how? Everything he said is already out there. I can’t take it back for him. He can’t even do that.”

“That sucks.”

“Maybe the reporter won’t include it. Maybe he didn’t even see the interview. He has more than enough material already.”

Damien makes a disapproving grunt.

“Sorry I’m like calling you and venting all over the place. I can shut up.”

“No, I want to know how you’re feeling.”

“It’s so weird that we’re hearing from colleges and Ethan isn’t even going.” I thought he was in a totally different world when Georgia and I were doing our college apps. But that was nothing compared to how different our worlds are going to be next year.

“Yeah, well. World-famous rock stars don’t have to go to college.”

“I’m just worried that he’s forgetting who he is. Did I tell you he actually pulled the ‘Do you know who I am?’ line at a restaurant in New York? He wanted to take me to The Waverly Inn the night before the show. It’s impossible to get into. You have to make reservations weeks in advance. But Ethan thought they’d let us in because he’s Ethan. And they were like, ‘I’m sorry, sir, but we physically don’t have a free table to give you.’ He was mortified. I guess that’s why he got obnoxious. But still.”

“How are you doing, though?” Damien asks. “I mean, aside from Ethan?”

It’s been so long since someone asked about me, I don’t even know how to answer.

“Okay. I guess my life has been revolving around Ethan for so long, I kind of forgot to have a life of my own.”

“Have you given any more thought to those cooking videos?”

“Sort of. But I’ve been so swamped with traveling to Ethan’s shows and keeping up with his stuff online that I’m crazy behind in school. It’ll take me a whole other year to make everything up.”

“May I speak freely?”

“Um . . . yes?”

“What I’m hearing is a lot about how Ethan comes first in your life. And I get that. He’s your boyfriend and you love him. He’s very lucky to be your number one priority. But I’m wondering when you’re going to take time for yourself. When do you get to be the priority?”

I don’t know why I didn’t realize this before. But Damien’s right. When did my life become all about Ethan? Has it been this way since we started going out? Why did I not notice that my own life was taking a backseat to his?

And what can I do to fix it?

40

[18,397,230 FOLLOWERS]


I stare at the magazine again. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

There’s a picture of me in the style section. Not just any style section. The style section of the leading women’s magazine.

Was it really only six months ago when I saw that first picture of me and Ethan in a magazine? I hated how I looked back then. My style has changed so quickly I didn’t even realize it was happening.

Aixa has hooked me up with a whole new wardrobe. The pieces Ethan asked her to buy for me combined with gifts of clothes and accessories from designers have resulted in a closet filled with beautiful things. Every time I open my closet door or a dresser drawer, I can’t believe I’m in the right room. My wardrobe could belong to any A-list celeb. It’s unreal.

Even more unreal? Girls are dressing and accessorizing like me. They’re making custom tees that look like the MY BOYFRIEND IS A ROCK STAR tee Ethan gave me, which is sold out. I saw a few links to knockoff tees on Ethan’s fan page. Girls are rocking my floaty dress/four-inch heels signature look and posting pics with captions like STERLING STYLE.

This isn’t the first picture of me alone to show up in a magazine. Pictures of me with Ethan are everywhere. Sometimes I don’t even recognize us anymore. Ethan bought a black Ferrari 250 California Spyder on a whim. It’s an extremely rare car that’s crazy expensive. He got a tattoo. It’s on the inside of his left forearm, right above the bend of his elbow. It says Forever in black script. Ethan told me he was thinking of me when he got it. About how I’m his forever.

Except it doesn’t feel that way anymore. Right now, I’m planning to be in Vermont for the next four years and trying to accept that Ethan and I will probably see each other even less next year and dealing with the complete absence of privacy in my life. I’m totally stressed out. But for Ethan, it’s another night in another city. Another show bringing him one step closer to world domination.

I put the magazine on top of the pile with all the others we’ve been in. Then I check Ethan’s fan page for some major news he told me would probably drop today. There it is. The release date of his second album. With an announcement of his upcoming international tour. There’s a new topic being hotly debated by the fans. Ethan was on The View yesterday. The hosts were asking him about me. They asked him if it was true that he wrote “Now and Forever” for me. When they asked if Ethan thought we’d be together forever, here’s what he said:

“Forever is a long time. I love Sterling. But none of us can guarantee anything forever. Look at the divorce rate. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. No one gets married thinking their marriage will end. But look how frequently it happens.”

I’m trying to forget what he said. I’m trying not to think about what it means for our future.

Of course the media is all over this. Rumors that we’re breaking up are spreading. Everyone keeps repeating this blurb from the interview:

“Forever is a long time. . . . None of us can guarantee anything forever.”

After a few rumors spreading like wildfire and an edited blurb taken out of context being posted everywhere, Ethan’s image has gone from beloved sweetheart to reprehensible womanizer. As any dedicated army would, Ethan’s fans are defending him en masse. They won’t stand for a weak public opinion of their idol. I scroll through the comments on Ethan’s fan page. They’re also defending his baller slip.


None of them know Ethan. All they’ve heard are a few twisted blurbs from the media. Did they even watch the entire interview?


What he said was totally taken out of context. They’re basing their judgments of him on lies. They don’t know.


This is just like when people got all uptight about the baller thing. A person can’t be perfect all the time. People make mistakes. Why isn’t Ethan allowed to make one mistake? It’s so stupid.