Theresa Paolo - (Never) Again

“Yeah right,” I said.

“Excuse me?” Zach said, a grin tugging at the left corner of his mouth.

“You heard me. You’re full of it.” I raised my eyebrows, challenging him to continue the lie.

His eyes fixated on me. “Maybe. Maybe not. I guess we’ll find out.”

“Why don’t we make it interesting?” Joe asked. “Twenty bucks says you don’t.” He took out his wallet and slapped a twenty on his leg.

“You’re going against me?” Zach asked.

“I have to stick with my girl,” Joe winked at me. “I’m sure you understand.”

“Absolutely,” Zach glanced over at me flashing an unreserved grin. “You’re on.” Zach turned and shook Joe’s hand before he got up and bowled another strike.

Ruthie jumped up and down, applauding, Sadie yelled out her approval, and Scott walked over to get in on the bet. Joe slid over and placed a hand on my knee. Zach came back to sit beside us, and I thought, just maybe, this friend thing could eventually work.

It was Columbus Day weekend, and Josh was taking a break from his second year at Springfield University to come visit me. Though I knew he was really coming for the parties and the girls.

I couldn’t wait to see him. Josh and I always had a good relationship, even after I found out he still emailed Zach. I couldn’t hold it against him forever. I questioned him about it, hoping to get some information as to why Zach stopped calling.

It was useless. Guys weren’t like girls. They didn’t dig for the dirt. I figured that out quickly when Josh said unless Zach’s and my relationship had to do with the new “Grand Theft Auto,” then he had no idea.

I took another pair of jeans out of my laundry bag and stuffed them in my dresser while Joe rested comfortably on my bed.

“So when’s your brother getting in?” Joe asked.

“He should be here around nine. It’s a two-and-a-half-hour drive without traffic. So he wants to wait for rush hour to die down before he hits the road. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

“About that—” My eyebrow arched at the words. “Scott and the guys have a gig this weekend upstate and they asked me to come. You know, to help set up. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.” His desperation made it seem like cancelling, again, wasn’t that big of a deal. He could meet him next time. Though this would be the hundredth time he got out of meeting my brother. For an entire summer he managed to never be available when my brother was. Whatever, it’s not like I needed my brother’s approval anyway.

“Yeah, you should go,” I said, tossing socks into my top drawer.

“See, I knew you would understand.” He pulled my hand and I landed on top of him. His mouth brushed mine. “You’re awesome. You know that?” he said against my lips.

“So I’ve been told. Go ahead, call Scott and let him know.” I motioned to the cell phone sitting on my nightstand and got back to my laundry bag.

He crossed his hands behind his head. “I already told him I’m going.”

Wait a minute. A rush of fury surged through me.

“You already told Scott you’d go?” I gripped the handle on my dresser to keep myself from lashing out. “Then why did you even bother asking me? What if I threw a fit and insisted you stay home to meet Josh?”

“Because you’re not like that, babe. I knew you’d say yes. You always do.”

Okay. I didn’t realize I was a doormat.

“Besides, I can meet your brother next time. It’s not like he’s going anywhere.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said with a sigh, not exactly thrilled but aware there were no other options.

He sat up on his knees and moved towards me, taking my hand in his. “You’re not mad, are you?”

“No, I’m not mad. It’s just been a long week.” No reason to start a fight over petty BS.

“Tell me about it. I thought this weekend was never going to get here. Ever since Scott told me about the show I’ve been anxious to get on the road.”

Wait another minute!

I ripped my hand out of his. “When did Scott tell you?”

He scratched his head. “Uh, Monday.”

I pushed aside the anger building within me. He was going. It was already settled. Why drag it out any more? We weren’t going to see each other all weekend, so we might as well enjoy our time together. It was the only thought that kept me from asking him to leave.

Joe pulled me towards the bed. “I love ya, babe.” He dropped his hand to my cheek. The feel of his fingers on my skin eased my frustrations. I pressed my palm to his chest and kissed him. His lips instantly synced with mine. I licked his lower lip until his mouth parted, his tongue meeting mine.

In that moment I didn’t care if he didn’t meet my brother or if he ditched me for his friends as long as he kept kissing me like that. When he backed away I desperately wanted to pull him back.

“I kinda have to pack. We’re leaving in two hours.” Then he had the nerve to check his cell phone.

“Oh.” There went my plans for the evening. Josh wasn’t expected for a few hours. “Yeah. Sure. So I’ll see you when you get back then.”

“Yeah. I gotta go now though.”

It’s better to be left wanting than not, so I allowed myself to step away. “I know. Have fun. Be careful.” I forced a smile and waved as he walked out of my bedroom.

Sadie was taking her brother to get a new achkan for their cousin’s wedding, so I called home to check in with my parents and let them know I’d survived another week on my own.

Mom answered on the second ring. “Can’t talk long, sweetie,” she said. “Your father and I are planning our cruise.”

My parents had been planning this trip to celebrate their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary since before I moved out.

“So when do you leave?”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”

“Don’t go during hurricane season,” I volunteered.

“Why? That sounds like the perfect time for a cruise,” Mom joked. “Josh should be there in a couple hours. He called, said he’d come home tomorrow with some laundry.”

Of course, the minute she knew my brother was coming home, she had fabric softener on the brain. I tried bringing my laundry home once, and she told me I knew where the machines were. Total mama’s boy. I swear, he could murder someone and she’d help him hide the body.

“Not soon enough. I’m bored.”

“Why don’t you bake something? You haven’t baked in so long. Josh always loved your cookies.”

I’d managed a whole afternoon without thinking about Zach, and then Mom dropped the baking bomb on me. His face popped into my head as if it was in the back of my mind, just waiting for the perfect opportunity. “I actually have homework to do.”

“It’s the weekend,” she replied.

It was, but baking was out of the question. “I’d rather get it out of the way. Maybe another time.”

“Are your grades okay?”

The concern in her tone wasn’t lost on me. Ever since I let my grades slip senior year of high school after Zach left, she constantly worried about me and school.

“Couldn’t be better,” I said. And before she could bring up the cookies again, I told her I had to go and hung up.

For a while baking was a huge part of my life. I baked when I was happy, and I baked in excess when I was upset. Maybe that had to do with my current lack of passion for the one thing I used to love.

When my grandfather passed away I baked for twelve hours straight. Zach sat with me for nine of those hours.

When Zach moved away I baked every day. I baked cookies and cakes and brownies and whatever else I could whip up and stick in the oven. Josh blamed me for gaining five pounds, but I kept going. It was the only thing that kept my mind off Zach.

Maybe I was relating baking to bad memories, or maybe I just grew out of it. Either way my desire and my passion were gone. And I didn’t think they would ever come back.

I walked around the counter into our galley kitchen and stared at the stove. Nothing. The excitement that used to flow through me whenever I tried a new recipe was no longer there and there was no point in baking without it.

I popped in a movie and settled on the couch. I remembered when I couldn’t wait to have my own place, to have my own privacy. I never realized how lonely it could be.

Josh arrived an hour later than I expected. He burst through the door, a hat adorned with his school’s mascot covering his dirty blond hair and his duffel bag hanging from his shoulder.

“Hey, lil sis.” He scooped me up in his arms, my feet dangling above the floor. I don’t know why he was gifted with all the height. He put me back down and stepped back. “So what’s the plan tonight? Any good parties going on?”

There probably were, but I didn’t seek them out. Josh was the partier, not me. I usually waited till he got in then let him figure it out. He had party radar and could find the most random of locations with kegs and tons of people.

I did fantasize about throwing my own party, it being the talk of campus and declared the best party of the year. It was on my bucket list.

“Let me run a brush through my hair and we can head out.”

“Awesome. Where’s Sades?” He reached down and picked up one of her pillows, placing it to the side before flopping onto the cushions.

“Babysitting,” I called out over my shoulder as I headed to the bathroom. I grabbed my brush and walked back into the living room. “So did you want to go pick pumpkins tomorrow?”

Josh gave a quick glance in my direction. “Aren’t you too old for that?”

“You’re never too old to pick pumpkins. And besides, we always carve them together. It’s tradition.”