The bowling alley was just as crowded as the parking lot. Tuesday night was disco bowling from eight to ten. The white pins glowed beneath the black lights and a rainbow of colors showered down in streams from the overhead strobe lights. Techno music pumped out of the speakers and most people danced in their lanes.

Scott, Ruthie, Matt and Joe were in our usual two lanes towards the back. Zach was there too and as soon as Sadie and I headed in their direction his eyes snapped to mine. It was like he had a built-in radar and it was seriously getting on my nerves.

“Babe, you’re here,” Joe said, as he took me into his arms. I relished the fact that Zach shifted uncomfortably in his chair to talk to Matt. Joe kissed my forehead, his nose resting on top of my head, and then pulled me towards our friends. “I was just telling Zach about how you bowled a turkey last week.”

Joe and Zach bonding was the absolute last thing I wanted.

“That’s pretty impressive Lizzi . . . Liz. I remember when you couldn’t even get the ball to stay in the lane.” I ignored his attempt to bring up the past and sat down to put on the shoes Joe had already got for me. “We used to call her the Gutter Queen.”

“No you used to call me that. No one else did.” I tugged my laces tight, stood and grabbed Sadie’s arm. “Do you need to get a ball? I need to get a ball,” I said and pulled her off the chair. Her black hair whipped around as she spun towards me.

“I was . . . Okay, I guess I need a ball.”

I didn’t let go of Sadie’s arm until we were halfway across the alley.

“Okay, are you going to explain that to me now?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I don’t believe him!” I blurted out.

“I’m gonna need more than that, Liz.”

“He just comes back into my life like it’s no big deal. He starts popping up everywhere. My college, my committee, and now he’s bonding with Joe. Why is he talking to Joe? I don’t want him talking to Joe.”

“Okay, sit down.” Sadie relaxed onto a stool by the snack bar.

“I don’t want to sit.” I paced back and forth. I had so much pent up energy I couldn’t sit even if I wanted to.

“I’m going to ask you something and I want you to promise me you’re not going to rip my head off,” she said and held her hands up as if reasoning with me.

I stopped pacing, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Promise,” she repeated.

“Fine, I promise,” I said, pacing again.

“Are you not over him?”

My teeth clenched and my feet came to an abrupt stop. “That’s ridiculous. It was what? Over a year ago? We’re not even the same people anymore. I grew up. Moved on. Of course I’m over him.”

“I’m saying this because you are my best friend and I love you.” She grabbed my hand and stared me down with those gray eyes of hers. “I don’t think you are.”

“No. I . . .”

“Look. I’ve known you since the third grade, which pretty much makes me an expert on all things Liz. And I can tell there is still something there, and it might be miniscule, and it might be pushed way in the back of your mind, but it’s there whether you want to admit to it or not.”

I fell into the chair next to her. “I don’t want it to be.”

Sadie was right. I just didn’t want to admit to it. Zach hurt me. He moved away and stopped calling and that should’ve been enough to resolve any feelings I had towards him, but it didn’t. A piece of me still loved the boy who baked cookies with me on Wednesdays and kissed me underneath the monkey bars.

It was just a little piece of me though. The rest of me loved Joe. Joe, who had never hurt me and never would. Besides, Zach was my first love, so of course a part of me would always love him.

“I know,” Sadie said and put her arm around my shoulder. “I just wanted you to admit it. The first step is admitting and once you get by that you can move on. So let’s go bowl with our friends and your boyfriend and help you get on with your life. What do you say?”

“Let’s do this.”

I walked back to the group and right into Joe’s arms. Zach bowled a strike and Joe jumped up to give him a high five. As their hands hit midair, Zach looked over Joe’s shoulder and winked at me in all his cocky glory.

Some things changed and some things stayed exactly the same. Zach had always been a good bowler. While I was the Gutter Queen, he was King of the Strikes. He tried so many times to teach me, but I was hopeless.

“Liz, you’re up.” Joe gave me a tap on my butt and sent me off like I was in the NFL. I took my eight-pound hot-pink ball and got into place. God, I wanted to get a strike so bad. I wanted Zach to see I wasn’t that incapable sixteen-year-old girl anymore.

When the moment felt right, I went for it, swinging my arm back and sliding my right leg behind me as I let the ball go. I thought about walking away before seeing the ball make contact with the pins, but decided that might make me look too cocky. So I did as I always did and waited at the line as the ball made its way down the lane.

It hit the center pin at the perfect angle, and all the pins fell down. I jumped up and down in victory and turned around with a huge smile on my face. Joe swept me up off my feet, twirling me around.

When he put me down everybody clapped and I curtseyed for them before walking back to my seat. I sat and felt someone behind me.

“Nice form,” Zach said into my ear. I raised my eyes to his and then offered him a grin. After all, it was the form he taught me. “I guess you’re feeling better?”

“I guess so.” And as much as it pained me to say it, I forced the words out. “And thanks. For last night.” Even though he was the reason I was in that situation in the first place, Sadie made me feel like I had no choice but to say it.

“Like I said, Josh would’ve killed me.”

“I’m trying to be nice here. Can you just give it to me?”

He smirked, his lip curling up at the corner. “And I know it’s killing you, so I’m trying to make like it wasn’t a big deal.”

I glanced up, catching his eyes. With the heat that radiated off of them, I’m surprised they didn’t melt, but neither of us looked away. We were locked in a moment no one else would understand.

“Hey Zach! It’s your turn,” Scott called out.

Zach snapped his eyes away from me, bringing us back to reality. He grabbed his ball and took on the same form as I used. I could tell it would be a strike before the ball even hit the lane.

I sat back down next to Joe. His hand grabbed mine and brought it to his lips.

We were in our seventh frame when Joe jumped up. “I’m going to hit the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” Joe said just as Zach made his way back from bowling another strike.

I crossed my legs and turned my body towards Sadie, but she was talking to Scott and Ruthie. It was Matt’s turn to bowl, so I was on my own with Zach. Again.

“Having a good time?” Zach asked as he sat in Joe’s seat.

“I was until you came over here.”

“God, how I missed your loving personality.”

“What do you want, Zach?” I asked, my tone a little harsher than I intended.

“To be friends,” he said, an obvious plea in his tone, and for a second I felt a lump form in my throat.

“Why?” I asked. It was a simple question. A question from the past that I never got an answer to. I knew that answer wouldn’t tell me what I wanted to know, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about all those times I waited by the phone for a call that never came.

“Because,” he said and as soon as I heard his voice my eyes snapped to his. “I hate that every time we’re in the same room you look like you’re enduring Chinese water torture.”

“I do not.”

He tilted his head and looked at me with a furrowed brow. “Do too.” A year ago my insides would have liquefied right there, but his childish charm lost its power over me the day he stopped calling.

“I’m not arguing with you.” We were freshman in college, not five-year-olds on the playground.

“I’m not asking you too.”

I didn’t remember him being so annoying. I just wanted to enjoy a nice night out with my friends, and he was making it impossible. So what if I looked like I was being tortured every time we were in a room together. What was it to him?

“Look. If I say I’ll think about it can you leave me alone?” I figured it was my best bet. My one and only way out of the conversation.

“As long as you’re not saying that just to get rid of me.”

Did he become a mind reader in the past year? Sheesh.

“I’m not. I’ll think about it and let you know.” I bit the inside of my lip to keep it from twitching. Either it worked or the flashing disco lights made it hard to catch.

“I guess that’s better than nothing.”

Joe returned and slumped into the seat next to Zach. Zach shifted away as if Joe had the Ebola virus. “You guys bowl like exactly the same,” Joe said and my stomach twisted.

I was pretty sure Joe knew Zach and I used to date. Granted he started hanging out with our group right after Zach left, but he had to know.

My body was tense as Zach explained. “I taught her my skills when we were dating.” Zach locked eyes with me before finishing. “Never thought she actually listened to what I was saying.” The disco lights were only adding to my nausea.

Then Joe said, “Oh, that makes sense. Forgot about that, but it was like a gazillion years ago. So do you get a strike like every time?”

“Pretty much,” Zach said.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I might not have seen Zach bowl in over a year but I knew damn well he wasn’t getting a strike every time he went up there.