Molly McAdams - Needing Her

I smiled and began walking to the bedroom. “You haven’t seen me lose control yet, baby.”

Maci

I WOKE TO Connor’s lips kissing a soft trail down the back of my neck, and turned in his arms to face him.

“Morning,” his deep voice rumbled as he pushed my hair away from my face.

“Morning.” I dropped my head against his chest when I started to yawn. “What time is it?”

“Early. I have to go back to the office, we only left last night because we needed to sleep before Sanders and I tried to kill each other.”

Looking back up at his face, I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and reached up to trace them. “You look like you still didn’t get any sleep.”

“I didn’t.”

“Why?”

Connor took a deep breath in and held it for a few moments as his eyes glazed over. “Just had a lot on my mind.”

“Like?” I asked cautiously.

“This case I’m working . . . you . . . your brothers,” he gritted the last two words out.

“They won’t find out,” I said, hoping to assure him and trying not to panic that he was already regretting last night.

He smiled sadly and kissed me before getting off the bed and heading to his closet. I frowned when I saw he was already mostly dressed to leave for work. Sitting up in his bed, I pulled the comforter up to cover myself, and watched as he walked back out, buttoning up a gray shirt, with a blue tie the same color as his eyes draped over his arm.

Not willing to let him see my inner freak-­out, I squared my shoulders and stated with blatant indifference: “You regret last night.”

“What—­no.” His head snapped up, his eyes wide. “Maci, shit, why do you do this?” He dropped the tie on the bed and walked over to lean close to me.

“What?”

“This,” he said softly, his eyes boring into mine. “You act like you don’t care, and I know you do. You put on this brave face and say shit like this, and you get ready to push me away rather than find out what’s happening between us. Its like you’re prepared for me to upset you, and are trying to act like you couldn’t care less.”

“Have you met my brothers?” I tried to laugh. “I have to be tough around them, or they’d give me so much shit.”

“Bullshit, Maci.” I opened my mouth, but he stopped me by talking over me. “I know you have to act tough around them. I know you have to act like you don’t give a shit about anything around them. But I’m not them, so why do you do this with me?”

I stayed quiet for so long that he started to ask why again before I said anything. “Because you’ve never cared about me, and all of a sudden you do? It doesn’t make sense. Nothing you ever say to me makes sense. There are the rare days when you defend me against Bryce and take care of me when I’m wasted. But then you call me Mini, you always call me a child or tell me to grow up; last night you came into my apartment yelling at me that you were done with me. Why wouldn’t I be ready for you to hurt me? You’re—­” Something in Connor’s blue eyes shut me up. It wasn’t his intensity, which I was so used to, and loved. It was the smallest flash of fear, before his hands were cupping my cheeks.

“I’ve been an asshole to you, I know that, and I’m sorry. Last night . . . Maci, I was going off no sleep, and this case is really getting to me. I was already beyond frustrated, and feeling defeated when I got home, and then when I saw that flyer . . . I just flipped. It doesn’t excuse it; it’s just what pushed me over the edge yesterday, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry, you have no idea how much I hate the times I’ve yelled at you; but, Maci, I will never hurt you, I need you to know that.”

“You say that now, but you can’t know—­”

“No. Maci. I swear to you I will never hurt you.”

We’d gone from a six-­month hiatus of even speaking to each other, to pranking each other and pissing each other off, to a night of the most mind-­blowing sex I’ve ever had. He couldn’t be that sure of something because of one night. But with the way his blue eyes were pleading with me to understand what he was saying, and believe him . . . I just nodded my head and forced a smile.

“And I know you act like a badass around your brothers, but I’ve seen you cry, Maci. I know you’re not heartless, and I know, from drunken ramblings and what happened last night, that you’re in this just as bad as I am. So stop waiting for me to show you to the door, and stop acting like you don’t care.”

I’d stopped breathing at drunken ramblings. “What did I say to you when I was drunk?” I asked, horrified.

A massive smile crossed his face seconds before he kissed me hard. “Enough for me to know that you want me, and more than enough for me to be pissed off that you were gone the next morning.”

“Connor. What. Did. I—­”

We both looked over at his phone on the nightstand, and with a huff, he pushed away from me to grab and answer it.

“Green. . . . When’s she coming in? . . . All right, I’m leaving now.”

Shoving his phone into his pocket, he finished buttoning his shirt and tucked it into his pants before grabbing the tie off the bed.

“Work?”

“Yeah, I need to get down there to interview someone who may have information.”

I waited until he was done with his tie before I started climbing out of his bed; but he just put a hand on my bare shoulder and pushed me back down.

“You can sleep a ­couple more hours before you have to get up for work. You don’t have to leave.”

“Are you su—­”

“Maci,” he said my name low, and hard. “I’m sure. Stay, and stop questioning this, okay?”

“ ’Kay.”

After a slow and firm kiss, he straightened up and smiled widely. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

I lay there with the biggest smile on my face, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t dreaming until I heard his front door shut. There was no way I could go back to sleep now. I needed to call Amber, and my phone was still in my apartment. After jumping out of Connor’s bed and getting dressed, I ran into my apartment and grabbed my phone.

Less than one minute and five sentences later, I was rushing to put on normal clothes to meet her at our favorite coffee shop before I had to go into work.

I DIDN’T SEE Connor that night or this morning before work due to whatever case he was working on. But he’d texted me two hours after I’d gotten to work this morning letting me know he was on his way home, and was going to crash as soon as he got there.

I was eager to see him; I was still in such a state of disbelief with this that I wanted to be near him to make sure I hadn’t dreamt the entire thing. Even telling Amber yesterday morning, I kept questioning my sanity as I gave her most of the dirty details from the night before with Connor. She’d seemed more excited about it than I was, but, then again, she’d been afraid I would get back with Bryce. So to say she was hoping this night with Connor had snapped me out of my “obviously liquor–induced Bryce phase,” was an understatement.

A loud clap directly next to my ear mixed with Dakota yelling my name caused me to jump and throw my wireless mouse across my office. I noticed my computer had come back to life when I’d moved the mouse, and wondered how long I’d been sitting there daydreaming when I saw a half-­finished game of solitaire on the screen.

“Jesus, what the fuck are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?”

He just smirked as he picked my mouse up off the floor and tossed it back at me. “Not my fault you were somewhere else and didn’t see me walk in here.”

I started clicking on the old game and rolled my eyes. “Can I help you?”

“I’m just making sure you got all your shit done.”

“And what shit would that be exactly? Playing games on the computer, or the hour I actually spend on my job?”

His face fell into an expressionless mask seconds before he kicked my rolling desk chair away from the desk until it hit the wall.

“What is it with you and Dylan kicking me away from my desk?”

“We wouldn’t do it if you weren’t such a bitch. Did you get all the reports done today and get everything ready for the weekend?”

“Fuck you too, big brother. And, yes, I got everything done forever ago. Reports and pictures are uploaded to the site. Stuff’s ready for the guys working this weekend.”

“Funny how you seem to do everything, but I only ever see you playing games.”

“I’ve been doing this job for Dad and Craig since I was thirteen because I was mad I was the only one who didn’t ever get to go in the office. I could do this shit in my sleep. Now if you’re done being an asshole, I obviously have a game that I need to get back to.”

My dad owned a private security company, and later on, Craig bought in to own it with him. The rest of my brothers all worked for them somehow, and did security work for them when they were old enough, and I basically sat here. Uploading reports and pictures for our clients to read used to take me all day . . . and when I say “used to” I mean ten years ago; now it takes about an hour. Making sure the security officers had whatever they needed for working that night or weekend took me fifteen minutes, tops. Which led to me being bored most of the day. I couldn’t complain though. I worked for my dad, for crying out loud. I had a cushy job, especially since I was his only daughter.

Dakota grabbed the mouse from my hand and flipped me off as he walked back down the hall that led to the rest of the office. Asshole.

Just when I stood to go fight him for it, my phone vibrated in my pocket, and I sat right back down in a rush with a smile on my face when I saw the name.