“Come again.” His hand on her pussy shifted, so his fingers V’d around her clit, pulling the folds back to expose it. To hold it in place. The jet struck in heavy pulses right on the top.

“Aaaaah!” Goaded unbearably, her body went rigid. His hand didn’t move as he hammered into her from behind, timing his thrusts to match the pulses of the jet, so the sensations merged. Too much. Too overwhelming.

She tipped over the edge in an avalanche of pleasure, shuddering and shaking. Her cries echoed off the pavement, and he laughed, then made a wonderful guttural sound as he pushed deep and let himself go.

By the time her heart stopped hammering her ribs into kindling and she could take a slow breath, he’d turned off the jet, snipped her zip ties, and unstrapped her legs. When she sat on the bench, tiny bubbles rose from below and tickled her overly sensitive pussy, making her squirm.

He laughed and turned her to face him. “Straddle me, pet.”

Settling her knees on each side of his thighs, he slid forward and pulled her down on his still-hard cock.

“I thought you came?”

“And I certainly enjoyed it.” He cupped her jawline, holding her for his kiss, long and lingering. “I wanted to be inside you for a while yet,” he murmured and kissed her again.

She felt him softening within her core. With his arms around her, his thighs between her knees, his tongue in her mouth, she felt twined with him in so many ways she wasn’t sure where he started and she finished.

He released her and leaned her against his shoulder.

Absently she unraveled his braid so she could enjoy the feeling of his loose hair over her fingers, her shoulders. “I should start supper. It’s my turn.”

His heart beat an even rhythm as he stroked her shoulders with firm hands. “Relax for a bit, Abby. You’ve had a hard day.”

He took such care with her. As emotions swept through her, irresistible as any she’d had, the words were out before she could recall them. “I love you. So much. I—” She froze and choked. What have I done?

His hand stopped in the middle of a stroke, then continued on. He didn’t speak.

She couldn’t stand the silence. “Have I ruined everything? What—”

“I didn’t quite expect this, Abby. I don’t know.”

Obviously not. Had she really expected to hear, I love you too? Her jaw tightened. “Well, what do you feel like? Is your stomach tight? Heart hammering? Throat closed?”

He snorted. “Sassy submissive.” He gripped her shoulders and pushed her back to look at her. His expression was unreadable, his eyes not cold but…distant. “Give me a day to think, and then we’ll talk. Can you do that?”

“Sure.” She wanted to tear herself away. To run and hide like a little girl. But he pulled her forward, and his arms closed around her.

“I care, Abby. Never doubt that.”

Uh-huh. He cared about everyone in the club. That wasn’t the same. But…life hadn’t gone out of its way to give her what she wanted—especially when it came to relationships. Look at Nathan, and at all the guys who preferred Janae to her. Maybe she just wasn’t enough.

She settled into Xavier’s embrace, and the feeling of his arms holding her close, so strong and firm, so everything she’d always wanted, gave her the most bittersweet feeling she’d ever known.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Xavier started the weekend early and drove out to his small ranch near Bodega Bay on Friday. The ranch hands were pleased to see him and filled with news of the horses. After admiring the two new mares, he saddled a horse and went for a ride. The sun was hot and the scent of ocean heavy in the air. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed being here.

Loosening the reins slightly, he rocked the horse into an easy canter over the rolling grasslands. His freed hair whipped over his shoulders, dispelling the memories for a moment. At one time he and Catherine had visited every weekend to enjoy being out of the city—and to visit her rescued mustangs.

He smiled slightly. Abby had the same nurturing spirit.

At the highest point on the ranch, he dismounted and stood on the bluff, watching the distant ocean. This had been their spot. Catherine had called it her place to settle and get her head on straight.

She’d died down there at the ranch house.

Up here was where he’d buried her ashes.

“Well, Catherine.” Over the years he’d felt her presence here. Perhaps his imagination, perhaps not.

Last night, when Abby had said she loved him, he’d realized he still hadn’t resolved his feelings for Catherine. He wasn’t able to offer all of himself, and that wasn’t fair to Abby.

With a sigh, he settled beside Catherine’s stone marker. BELOVED WIFE.

“You were that,” he said. “My beloved slave and beloved partner as well.” He leaned against the tree that sheltered her. “You died so quickly. I never got a chance to tell you good-bye.”

She’d driven up to see a new foal, staying by herself in the ranch house. The two ranch hands had found her the next morning, already gone. The doctors insisted her death happened quickly—a ruptured aortic aneurysm. Nothing would have saved her.

The reasons didn’t matter. He should have been there for her.

“I came to say good-bye, Cat.” He traced a circle in the dirt. “I’m ready—and I know you’re saying, About time. Abby’s a lovely woman with as big a heart as yours.”

A red-tailed hawk circled overhead. Far below, gulls dived at the water.

He hadn’t thought he’d ever arrive at a time when he wanted to open his heart again. Yet here he was. His chest ached as if the horse had kicked him.

“I’ll always love you, little slave. I didn’t think I could care for someone else as deeply, but she’s taken hold.” He pulled in a breath and admitted it to himself. To the world. “I really do love her.”

The words struck him, ran through him, shocked him. So he said them again. “I love her. Abigail Bern.” He gazed out at the land rolling down to the ocean. Somehow he’d found a trail he hadn’t anticipated.

Yet life wasn’t a nice flat plain, as he’d believed in his youth, but hills and valleys, corners and switchbacks and cliffs. “Wish me well, Cat.”

* * *

On Friday night, taking a moment from the party, Abby checked herself in the bathroom mirror. Not too shabby. Her new gown was a light lavender. The halter top style was perfect for her breasts, and the fuller skirt slenderized her hips. She’d pulled the sides of her hair back in tiny French braids to show off her silver earrings.

No necklace, though. She traced a curve over the hollow of her neck. How would it feel to have a silver choker? One like Rona wore?

That wasn’t going to happen, was it? Why had she blurted her feelings out? The memory of Xavier’s reaction darkened her mood like the atmosphere before a storm. She glowered at herself in the mirror. If he didn’t want to hear about emotions, then why did he keep hammering at her to express them?

What did she get in return? Politeness. I love him, and he wants to think about it.

Plastering a smile on her face, she walked into the crowded living room filled with Harold’s business associates, Mom’s friends, people from the charities they supported, neighbors, and older friends.

Her mother spotted her. “Your idea to put twinkling lights in the trees was brilliant. It’s so romantic out there that people are dancing already.”

“The band sounds great.” Every anniversary, Harold gave a party to celebrate “finding the most wonderful woman in the world.” Over time the number of guests had tripled, but the feeling of love never changed.

“I’m glad you came, dear.” Her mom hesitated. “Is there anything wrong?”

“Nope. Happy anniversary, Mom.” Abby gave her a quick hug and released her as more people entered the room. The hum of conversation increased.

After checking the bathrooms and living rooms for messes, Abby wandered out to the wide patio and smiled. The lights might be romantic, but Mom and Harold were even more so, waltzing to Anne Murray’s “Can I Have this Dance?”

Swaying to the music, Abby sighed. She’d never danced with Xavier. She had a feeling she never would. Why had she ever opened her mouth?

“They look good together, don’t they?” Grace stopped behind her, grinning when her father gave a hearty laugh and kissed their mother right on the lips.

“Makes you believe in love, doesn’t it?” Abby asked lightly. The ocean breeze whispered over her bare arms. Thank goodness she hadn’t invited Xavier to the party. It would have been horrible to see him so distant. To know the “talk” was coming.

“A couple of the guys asked about you, by the way,” Grace said. She nodded toward a man with a goatee.

Abby looked. His hair was receding, but when he met her gaze, his eyes were sharp and intelligent.

“The other one works in Dad’s company. Dad called him brilliant, and I figured you might like him.” Grace grinned. “I know you prefer smart men—and he’s cute—and he asked what your name is.”

Abby gave her a wry smile. “That’s only because Janae hasn’t arrived.”

“Oh.” Grace’s face hardened. “I hope she doesn’t come.”

Uh-oh. Abby squeezed Grace’s hand. “Is she still trying for Matthew?”

“He avoids her.” Grace blinked back tears. “I’m glad she doesn’t live here. She used to ignore me, but now she smiles and cuts me to pieces.”

Abby took a slow breath. “I think…” She hesitated, then went ahead. “I think it’s because you’re a woman now and getting more beautiful by the day. All of a sudden you’re competition.”