"I'm ready to swear otherwise."

"I shall work for it."

"You'll waste your efforts."

"Nay, I know her better than you do."

"The only way you could obtain her forgiveness for me would be to leave me or rid yourself of me in some way. But no matter. She has taken you back into her loving circle, it seems."

"There is no doubt of it. And, Lettice, I believe there is a great future for me in the Netherlands. I was received with such courtesy. I believe they would be ready to make me Governor of the Provinces. They are a desperate country and they seem to look upon me as a savior."

"So, if you had the chance you would desert your royal mistress? I wonder what she would have to say to that!"

"I should have to persuade her."

"You have a big notion of your persuasive powers, my lord."

"How would you like to be Governor's lady?"

"Very well—since I am not accepted here as Leicester's lady."

"It is only at Court."

"Only at Court! Where else is there to be recognized?"

He took my hands and his eyes were alight with that passion which ambition could kindle.

"I am going to see that our family is conveniently placed," he said.

"Haven't you done that? You seem to have set your relations and adherents in the right places throughout the country."

"I have always sought to secure my position."

"Yet you see how easily a frown from the Queen can unseat you."

" Tis true. That is why I have to make sure that I strengthen my hold. There is young Essex. It is time he stopped skulking in Wales and came to Court. I could find a place for him."

"My son seems to like the country according to his letters to me and to Lord Burleigh."

"Nonsense. I have a fine stepson. I want to make his acquaintance again and bring him forward."

"I will write and tell him so."

"And our own little Robert... I have plans for him."

"He is but a baby."

"It is never too soon to plan their future, I assure you."

I frowned. I was anxious about our son. He was delicate, which seemed ironical when I considered his father and myself. My children by Walter Devereux were strong and healthy; it seemed a strange trick of fate that Leicester's boy should be a weakling. He had had difficulty in walking and I had discovered one of his legs to be a trifle shorter than the other, and when he eventually did walk it had been with a slight limp. I loved him the more for his deformity. I felt I wanted to care for him and protect him; and the thought of his making a great marriage made me uneasy.

"Whom do you propose for Robert?" I asked.

"Arabella Stuart," replied Robert.

I was aghast, seeing what he was thinking of. Arabella Stuart had a claim to the throne because she was the daughter of Charles Stuart, Earl of Lennox, the younger brother of the Earl of Darnley, who had married Mary Queen of Scots. Through his mother, the Earl of Lennox was the grandson of Henry VIII's sister, Margaret Tudor.

I said quickly: "You think she has a chance of the throne. How could she? Mary of Scotland's James comes before her."

"She was born on English soil," said Robert. "James is a Scot. The people would favor an English queen."

"Your ambition runs away with your good sense," I said tartly, and added: "You are like your father. He saw himself as the kingmaker, and he ended up without his head."

"I see no reason why there should not be a betrothal."

"And you think the Queen would allow it?"

"I think if I put it to her ..."

"In cozy fashion," I suggested.

"What's the matter with you, Lettice? You must not be put out because Elizabeth will not receive you. I tell you I will soon have that changed."

"It seems you have come back from the Netherlands a conquering hero, sweeping all before you."

"You wait," he said. "I have other plans. What of Dorothy?"

"Dorothy! Have you a royal husband for her?"

"That's exactly what I have."

"I can't wait to hear whom you have found for her."

"Young James of Scotland."

"Robert, you can't be serious. My daughter Dorothy to marry the son of the Queen of Scots."

"Why should she not?"

"I should like to hear his mother's comments on the proposed match."

"Whatever they were they would be of no account. The Queen of Scots is but a prisoner."

"And those of your royal mistress."

"I believe Elizabeth could be persuaded. If James were to swear to remain a Protestant, she would be ready to accept him as her heir."

"And you, my lord, as his good father, would rule the kingdom. And if he should fail to reach the throne there is always Arabella. Have a care, Robert."

"I display the utmost care."

"You are indeed like your father. Remember him. He tried to make your brother Guildford King through Lady Jane Grey. Again let me remind you that it cost him his head. It's dangerous to dabble with crowns."

"Life is a dangerous gamble, Lettice, so one might as well play for high stakes."

"Poor Robert. You have worked hard. You almost reached the crown through Elizabeth. That was a bitter blow and shameful was the manner in which she kept you dangling all those years.

Then it was: 'Robert, my Eyes, my Sweet Robin' and then just as you thought you had your hands on it, it was snatched away. At last you know how the game is played, but you don't give up, do you? You'll achieve your ambition secondhand, as it were. You'll place the power in your puppets' hands and you'll jerk the strings. Robert, you are the most outrageously ambitious man I have ever known."

"Would you have me otherwise?"

"You know full well I would not have you otherwise than you are, but at the same time I would say, Take Care. Elizabeth has received you back into favor, but she is unpredictable. You can be her Sweet Robin one day and That Traitor Leicester the next."

"But you see how she forgives me always. There could never have been a greater blow to her than our marriage, and if you could have seen her tenderness towards me when I was leaving for the Netherlands and on my return ..."

"I was mercifully spared that."

"You must not be jealous, Lettice. My relationship with her is not to be compared with mine and yours."

"No, because she has refused you! It would have been a different matter if she had taken you, would it not? All I say is Take Care. Do not think because she had patted you on the cheek and said you eat too much that you may take liberties with our gracious lady—or you will soon find that she is far from gracious."

"My dear Lettice, I think I know her better than anyone."

"You should. It has been a long acquaintance. But methinks the adulation you have received in the Netherlands may have made you see yourself a little more glorious than in truth you are. You are on dangerous ground, Robert, and I repeat that all I, as your humble wife, am doing is asking you to be careful."

He was not pleased. He had wanted me to applaud his schemes and to display a blind belief in his power to get what he wanted. He did not realize that I was changing towards him or how deeply I resented my expulsion from Court while he was received there with honors and seemed content that this should be so.

But even his new favor at Court did not save him from the Queen's wrath when she heard of his proposals. She sent for him and berated him soundly. I had his account of this—and that of others. She made it clear that both suggested marriages were anathema to her ... simply because both of the participants were my children.

"Think not," she had screamed, so that many could hear, "that I would allow that She-Wolf to glory in her cubs."

So it was clear that I was not to be forgiven. I was no nearer to being received at Court.

Robert was downcast for a while and then as optimistic as ever. "It will pass," he said. "I promise you that ere long she will receive you."

But I doubted this, as the very mention of my name could throw her into such a fury.

She kept Robert at her side as much as possible. She was determined to show me, I was sure, that although I had scored a temporary victory in marrying him, the ultimate triumph would be hers.

If I was not to be received at Court, I was determined that, throughout the country, I would make my presence known. I began by introducing such magnificence into all our houses that people began to say that the Court was poor in comparison. I set seamstresses to work on the most beautiful materials available, and my gowns were as grand as any in the Queen's extensive wardrobe. I dressed my footmen in black velvet with silver boars embroidered on them, and I rode through London in a coach drawn by four white horses. When I moved out I was accompanied by attendants numbering fifty or more; and there was always a company of gentlemen to ride ahead and clear the way for my coach. People used to run out of their houses to see the cavalcade, convinced that it must be the Queen who was passing by.

I would smile on them as graciously as though I were indeed the Queen, and they would gape at me in wonder.

Sometimes I would hear the awestruck whisper: "It is the Countess of Leicester."

I enjoyed these excursions. I had only one regret and that was that the Queen could not see me. But I consoled myself with the knowledge that news of me made its way very quickly to my rival.

The Queen had knighted Philip  Sidney in  January,  which showed that the family was in favor again. Absurdly enough, I was the only member of it who must remain in the cold. And my resentment grew.