“All right,” she conceded, “you may consider yourself to be on parole here. But one wrong move and I’ll send you packing.”

Darcy was so happy that he hugged her tightly and gave her the silliest grin. “And if I behave well, you will think about moving to Sydney with me soon? I’ll never forbid your family coming or you visiting them.”

“It’s way too early to think about that. Let’s see how we go for a few months before we talk about moving in together.”

Her reply put a dent in his happiness, but he reasoned that it was still a big step better than the day before.

He tried not to look at her, as she was so damn sexy in the French maid costume. They held hands and chatted comfortably for about an hour, until the production crew came in again.

“All right, we’re ready for you now. This is a role-play where we won’t give you any script. You two will walk into this set and we’ll have an actor here to play along with you. Denny here has a script about a scenario and he will prompt you on, but we won’t tell you what the scenario is until you walk in. If you find the role-play too silly and don’t say a word, you will lose the game and end up with a torture. The wittier and cheekier your role-play, the more points you will earn. We won’t ask you to do anything indecent. After all, we’re bound for free-to-air TV. We will show everyone’s role-play tomorrow. You can vote for your favourite one then. We have also invited some other people to judge the role-plays. All the scores will be added together to decide the winner. In the event of a tie, another role-play will be shot.

“Ok, ready? Let’s roll the camera for episode 3 with Darcy and Elizabeth.”

When Darcy and Elizabeth walked onto the set, Denny came forward, shook their hands and said, “Good that you’re here, Darcy and Elizabeth!”

“Thanks,” they replied.

“Okay, you two sit on the bed. Let me look at your CVs.”

Denny then sat on one of the chairs, a bit farther from the bed, “Husband and wife porn stars! How many porn movies have you two made together?”

Both Darcy and Elizabeth were speechless. They looked at each other. What kind of role-play was this?

Elizabeth recovered first and said, “Umh…Six. We’ve made six movies together.”

“Great! Tell me your six favourite positions then. I mean privately, not in the movies. You still shag each other privately, I suppose?” Denny winked.

Darcy was still speechless, so Elizabeth replied, “Oh, the other …night we had the …traditional missionary position, doggie style …woman on top …standing up, on the side and 69 position.” She turned bright red, thinking back to what they had done, the other night.

“Wow, you two sure know how to practise. So, Darcy, which parts of Elizabeth’s body do you like most?” Denny was scripted to get responses from both participants, and so he directed the question to him.

“Umh…the chest. Definitely her chest,” Darcy said, glancing sideways at Elizabeth’s barely contained breasts in the corset.

“What do you like about her breasts?”

“Umh…very firm…and soft to sq…touch.”

“Are they good to suckle?”

Darcy turned bright red and wanted to explode. Silly game! I’m going to kill Georgie! “Yeah,” he replied in a barely heard voice.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Do you like to suckle Elizabeth’s breasts?”

“Yes!”

“And what do they taste like?”

Darcy wanted to smash Denny’s head. He replied reluctantly, “Strawberry.”

“I can see a good glimpse of her breasts here, but not the strawberries. What a pity!” Denny joked and received a glare from Darcy.

“So, this is a production about a French aristocrat taking advantage of his maid. Darcy, you stated on your CV that you speak French. Use the formal tense, as you’re the master. Can you give me a few dirty lines?”

“Umh…Ouvrez vos pattes.”

“Open your legs!” Denny translated. He must have been selected to host the role-play because he could speak French. “Good. A few more?”

“Repliez sur la table.”

“Bend over the table! Excellent! How about ‘You have big tits’?”

“Il y a du monde au balcon.”

“Cool. Now, Elizabeth, it says here that you don’t speak French, right?’

“Correct.”

“Pas de problème. No problem. Here is the script for the screen test.”

“Cut! Okay, we’ll give you 10 minutes to read the script. You don’t need to memorize it as actors are allowed to hold scripts when they do a screen test. When you’re supposed to carry out an action – for instance, if there is kissing involved – you don’t actually need to kiss if you don’t want to, I suppose, but for a real-life screen test, of course, a real kiss would be needed. We know you’re just participants on this game show, so you may not be comfortable with all of the acts written there,” the producer said.

As Darcy and Elizabeth read the script, their faces grew redder and redder.

***

The next day, Darcy was sitting next to Elizabeth, holding her hand under the table. They had spent another steamy night together after their role-play. Now they were gathered with the others at the resort’s ballroom to look at and vote for the clips from the role-plays. Besides the eight participants, some TV crew members had also been asked to be part of the judging panel.

Lady C said, “As you’ll recall, those participants who didn’t have a script for their segments were prompted by our hosts. Even when we gave the participants scripts, some didn’t follow them. There is a score sheet in front of you. Please rate their performances according to how witty, sexy, funny, and entertaining you find the role-plays. First up are Caroline and Collins. Their role-play is entitled ‘Collins Collins Pumpkin Eater.’”

When the film rolled, the audience could see Caroline, wearing a sexy orange bikini, kicking and screaming as she was placed inside a large, semi-transparent orange pumpkin shell. Collins stood to one side, wearing a farmer’s costume. The host for the segment was Wickham.

“Farmer Collins, I’m Reporter Wickham from Agricultural Australia Monthly. I see you have grown a special pumpkin for this year’s Agricultural Show. Indeed, you appear to have made your wife into a pumpkin. Why did you do that?”

“She likes to wander… . She shags with Richard there all the time,” Collins said stiffly.

“What? Why would he mention me there?” Richard protested. “Is he reciting from a script?”

The film rolled on. “What sort of fertilizer do you use to make her grow?” Wickham asked Collins.

“Well…mmm…dog shit, cow manure, mmh…food scraps… You know. The normal sorts of fertilizer,” Collins continued.

“How does she react to such rich fertilizer?”

“She loves it. She has to have it twice a day, every day of the week.”

“No wonder she has grown to such a size. We have some cow manure here. Can you show us how to apply it?”

Wickham handed Collins some dark-looking stuff, which the latter splashed and dumped onto Caroline.

“Stop it! Stop it! This is gross!” Caroline screamed. She was definitely not following a script. Her head and face were marred with the dark-hued shit.

“Miss Pumpkin Caroline, what’s so gross about it?” Wickham asked.

“Get this yucky stuff off of me! Why do I have to partner up with this toad? Why can’t I have a nicer outfit? I’ll sue your pants off, bloody Lady C!”

Lady C interrupted the film and said to the group, “Don’t worry about that last bit. It will be cut out.”

“Interesting! Farmer Collins, your pumpkin can talk back. She called you a toad. Should you do something about her?”

“Yes. This pumpkin is…very annoying. It doesn’t know how to stop talking. Let me try rolling and spinning her around.”

Collins proceeded to rotate the pumpkin with Caroline trapped inside.

“Stop, you toad! I’m going to throw up!” she screamed.

“Farmer Collins, I have heard that, despite your constant arguments with Miss Pumpkin Caroline, you’re in fact very fond of her. Some neighbours tell me that you love your unfaithful wife very much. They saw you pampering her. Can you show us how you do that?”

Wickham handed Collins a broom, which Collins used to brush Caroline from head to toe, mashing the fake manure all over her face. Then a bucket of water and a toilet brush were handed to him. He proceeded to pour the water all over her and brush her down.

“I’m going to kill you…” she threatened shrilly.

Their role-play continued for a few more minutes. At the end, Collins peeled off Caroline’s bulky pumpkin shell to reveal her sexy orange bikini once again. He attempted to give her a few kisses and fondle her a bit, to make the whole role-play sexy, but Caroline was furious. She grabbed the broom and toilet brush and chased Collins around, smashing his head with them.

Nearly all of the people in the studio watching the clip were laughing their heads off. Caroline and Collins were neither looking at nor talking to each other.

Lady C cleared her throat. “Now Charles and Jane, as Wild Tarzan and Jane. The host for this segment is Denny.”

The couple were both in sexy animal costumes. Against a jungle backdrop, Jane appeared to be unconscious. Denny, in an ape costume, pointed to Jane’s body and asked, “Tarzan/Charles, what do we have here?”

“An angel…? No, something like me,” Charles replied.

“Not very alike.”

“How so?”

“This one has two balls here and you don’t.” The ‘ape’ pointed from Jane’s breasts to Charles’s chest and said, “Squeeze them and tell me what they are like.”