“Correct. In which country did the oldest sex manual, Handbooks of Sex, originate?”

Buzz!

“Richard and Charlotte?”

“China.”

“Correct.”

“Hey Lady C, I thought this show was about general knowledge. Why are all of the questions about sex?”

“Cut! Darcy, you’re wasting everyone’s time. Isn’t sex a part of life?”

“Yes, but I’m a serious scientist. I refuse to participate in such a stupid show.”

“You can refuse to answer any question, but then you and your partner will lose and receive your torture in the end. It just shows your fellow scientists that you’re less knowledgeable than your playboy cousin.”

Richard groaned. “Now, Lady C, do you have to tell the world I’m a playboy? How can I chat up the pretty ladies here, if they know who I really am?” He flashed a grin.

“Shut up, Richard! Now that you know more about the show, we can tell you the name of it. Wickham!”

“Yes, my Lady. Welcome to Sexpert Challenge, a fun new show.”

“What? Sexpert Challenge!”

“How can I face my colleagues when it comes on air?”

“Damn!”

“Lydia, I’m going to kill you!”

“Georgie, you will be dead, too!”

“Let’s roll tape,” Lady C shouted.

Wickham resumed his questioning of the contestants. “Who was the author of Fanny Hill, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure?”

Buzz!

“Darcy and Lizzy?”

“Henry Cleland.”

“Correct. According to The Sexual Anatomy of Woman by W. F. Benedict, a girl of fourteen has breasts weighing how many kilograms – 5, 7 or 10?”

Buzz!

“Charles and Jane?”

“7 kilograms.”

“Correct. Who was the actress who played Deep Throat?”

Buzz!

“Bill and Caroline?”

“Lindsey Lovelace.”

“Wrong. The correct answer is Linda Lovelace.”

“Fuck!”

“Cut! Caroline Bingley, mind your language. We can’t broadcast foul language.”

The quiz continued for several more minutes before Wickham announced, “We have now finished the first segment, ‘Foreplay’. Let’s recap. Richard and Charlotte are leading, at 70 points. Bill and Caroline are at the bottom with 50 points. Richard and Charlotte, you two get to choose the torture box for Bill and Caroline.”

“Fuck! Let me go! I don’t want to participate. I don’t want any torture.”

“Cut! Wickham just continue and ignore her. We will tape all her outbursts and show her worst moments later on the show.”

“Fuck! You can’t do that! I’ll get my lawyer to sue you if you show me in any bad way on TV.”

“My, my. I’m so afraid! Let’s roll the tape.”

Wickham cleared his throat. “Richard and Charlotte, which torture box would you like to inflict on them?”

“Charlotte, you choose.”

“Such a gentleman,” Wickham remarked.

“I hate Number 4, personally, So let’s inflict Number 4 on them.”

“Number 4? Let me see, it’s… Ah, yes. Let’s meet the cockroaches!”

The lighting in the room dimmed, and a spotlight shone on two cockroaches dangling down from the ceiling onto Bill and Caroline. Both of them screamed and tried to break away from their handcuffs or move off from their chairs.

But they were strapped securely in place, each with one hand cuffed to the partner. When the cockroaches were lowered onto their bodies, they both used their free hand to try to flick them away, but the strings attached to the cockroaches were very strong. The contestants’ screams were deafeningly loud.

Luckily, the torture lasted for less than a minute. The strings were withdrawn, and the cockroaches ascended quickly toward the ceiling.

“Didn’t either of you notice that those cockroaches were only plastic?” Wickham asked, flashing a devilish grin.

Everyone in the studio except for Bill and Caroline broke into chuckles.

“Fuck! That’s not funny at all.”

“And now for the second segment of our game, ‘Arousal’. We have fitted each of you with a lie detector, and we will now ask you a question. If you answer truthfully, the light on the console in front of you will turn green, and a chime will sound. If you lie, the light will turn red, and something…interesting will drop down. Each one of you will be asked only one question. It’s really very easy. And now for our first question... Richard, have you ever had sex in your parent's bed?”

“No way!”

A rat dropped down onto Richard’s head. He jumped and yelled loudly.

“Just a fake rat. But what a naughty boy! Testing out your parent’s bed,” Wickham said. “Now, Charlotte, it’s your turn. Have you ever looked at men's underwear in a catalogue just to ogle the models?”

Charlotte hesitated before answering, “Yes.”

Ding! The light turned green.

“Good girl! And with a healthy appetite! Now Bill, have you ever been to a strip club?”

“No, I’m a teacher. I have to uphold…”

A cup of cream was dumped onto him.

“Hey, the lie detector didn’t work! I’ve never been to a strip club.”

“Admit it, man! There is nothing wrong about going to a strip club. Now, Caroline, have you ever had a cosmetic surgery?”

“Of course not!”

A bag of honey was dumped onto her. She screamed and cursed about the mess.

“Famous model with fake body parts! I wonder which part you had done. How unfortunate that I can only ask one question! Now, Charles, have you ever taken part in a threesome?”

“No, that’s gross.”

Ding!

“What a straight guy! Now, Jane, have you ever gone to work wearing no panties?”

“No way. I’m not that kind of girl.”

Ding!

“What an angel! Now, Darcy, have you ever fantasised about having sex with any of the women in this room?”

Darcy blushed. Should I tell the truth? “Yes.”

Ding!

“Who’s the lucky one?” Wickham asked.

Darcy only glared at Wickham.

William only knows me here. So he fancies me mad! I’ll visit his bungalow tonight, Caroline thought with satisfaction.

“Now, Elizabeth, have you ever had sex on a plane?”

“A member of the ‘mile high’ club? No, I haven’t had the privilege of joining it yet.”

Ding!

“Let me tell you how to register as a member, after the show.” Wickham winked at her.

Elizabeth smiled calmly, but Darcy wanted to punch his dirty mouth.

Then next round of the quiz continued. At the end of the first day of shooting, Darcy and Lizzy discovered that they had won. Bill and Caroline lost again, and were treated to the latest torture, as two bags of cold water were dropped onto their heads. That sent them into squeals, while everyone else laughed.

“The winners of the first episode, Darcy and Lizzy, will be rewarded with a treat. Which lucky pouch would you like?”

“Elizabeth, you choose.”

“No, you answered most of the questions,” she said to Darcy. “You choose.”

“Hey now, Darcy and Lizzy, always so polite, how about I choose for you?” the flamboyant Richard offered, barging in.

Darcy glared at him and nudged Lizzy’s arm. “Number 3, please,” Lizzy said.

“Lucky Pouch 3. Let me see… Ah! A full body massage with Fiji’s miracle rocks.”

“Good, I can use a massage,” Elizabeth said.

The straps on the chairs were loosened for Darcy and Elizabeth, but they were still handcuffed to each other on one hand as they were led to their changing room.

“Hey, Lady C, why is the camera still rolling? I thought you said you wouldn’t be filming us outside of the studio. And why are we still handcuffed together?”

“The treat is part of the show. Of course we’ll be filming it. What is your problem? There is nothing objectionable about being filmed while you’re given a massage.”

Darcy glared at her, but she ignored him. The changing room was set up with a double bed behind a screen. Darcy and Elizabeth moved to sit on the bed.

“Annesley, help them take off the clothes,” Lady C instructed.

“Hey, I don’t need help. Just take off the handcuffs and I can do that myself,” Elizabeth said.

“Miss Bennet, the handcuffs won’t be taken off until we finish the day’s filming. That is why we fitted you with costumes that have so many seams. It is much easier to tear them off. We won’t film you naked, don’t worry. The crew will stay behind the screen until you settle face down on the bed with towels covering your bottoms.”

“Lady C, this is the dumbest thing you have ever done! How can you involve Georgiana and me in such a scheme? I don’t want this so-called treat! I just want to go back to my room and rest.”

“Shut up, Darcy. You have no choice. Annesley, move!”

The heavy woman came to tear off Darcy’s costume first. He tried to fend her off but she was strong. After the leather top and trousers were torn away, she placed her hands on the waistband of his jockey shorts.

“Hey, I can get a massage with my underpants on!”

Rip!

The underpants were torn off, as well. Darcy flopped immediately onto the bed, face down, to hide his manhood, pulling Elizabeth down at the same time.

Elizabeth, who had observed him being stripped, was highly amused at first, and quietly amazed that he sported such six packs on his broad torso. She hadn’t paid much attention to him after his arrogant remarks, but his thighs were strong and muscular. His whole body was a surprisingly healthy tan colour. She had expected him to be pale and sickly, as a nerdy scientist was supposed to be…but then, when she caught a glimpse of his manhood, she had swallowed hard. One way or the other, it looks as if I gave him a most appropriate nickname. What a really BIG head! And his butt, so tight!