Лаура Миллер - My Butterfly

Julia glanced up at me and rolled her eyes.

“Jeff,” she said. “This is Julia.”

I heard Jeff verbally recoil and apologetically take back his greeting.

“It’s fine,” she said, smiling. “Jeff, I’m calling because I can’t make it tonight. The test isn’t for a couple of weeks. Can we maybe get together sometime later this week?”

I heard his voice through the phone’s speakers when she finished talking, but I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying.

“No, I’m up at school,” she said. “I borrowed Will’s phone.”

Her explanation made me smile. I quickly cleared my throat and wiped the smirk off my face.

She ended the call a moment later and handed the phone back to me.

“Thanks,” she said. “You’ll help me look for it?”

Ugh, her eyes were doing this soft pleading thing, and it was taking everything in me not to pull her close.

“Of course,” I managed to say without sounding too eager. “It would be my pleasure.”

“It’s not back here,” I heard her say.

I could hear the frustration in her voice.

“No one would take it, right?” she asked.

“No, no one would take it,” I said. “It’s here somewhere. Let’s go look down the hall. Maybe it rolled down there or something.”

I watched her take a deep breath and then sigh.

“Okay,” she eventually agreed.

I smiled and waited until she was by my side to start toward the hallway and to ask her my question.

She eventually caught up, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to ask.

“So, what’s your answer?” I blurted out.

My words had come out kind of sheepish. I cleared my throat and concentrated on producing something in a lower octave and a little less Bo Peep.

“What answer?” she quipped back.

“The note I gave you before history class,” I said, hoping it would jog her memory.

“Aah,” she said, smiling. “That answer.”

I watched her peek under a table near the office and then keep walking.

“Well?” I asked again.

She stopped and squared up to me. She looked as if she were really thinking hard about it.

“No,” she finally said and then started walking again.

I hesitated for a second but then caught back up to her.

“Now, have you really thought this through?” I asked her. “You can take some time if you need it. Tell me tomorrow or the next day or the next day or any day when the answer is yes.”

“I don’t need time,” she said.

I stopped and smiled.

“You do realize it’s only a date?” I asked. “If you said yes, you wouldn’t be locked into anything.”

She turned her face up at me and smiled.

“It’s not so easy hearing no, is it?” she asked.

I paused and tried to hold back my grin.

“Julia, Jules,” I said, as if I were a used-car salesman. “Jules, look, no rocks this time,” I said, showing her my open palms and then the inside of my jeans pockets. “No big, rubber balls. I’ll even let you drive my truck.”

I held out my keys.

She looked at me sideways and sympathetically smiled, as if I were the weird kid who was completely oblivious to his social status.

My own smile grew, and I took her silent cue, as I watched her sympathetic grin fade into her new smile — the one that I already loved. I remembered it being that cute, girly kind of smile — that smile that made you wonder why you despised girls so much just the year before. But now, it was sexy too. It was girly and sexy, all at the same time. Damn it, she was too darn cute not to smile back at her, even when she was saying no. And maybe it wouldn’t be now, but I would eventually wear her down. Everyone has a breaking point. Retreat. Replenish. Conquer. I smiled wider.

“So, Ben’s having a bonfire next weekend,” I said.

“So I’ve heard,” she said.

She smiled politely this time.

“You going?” I asked.

“If Rachel has anything to do with it, we’ll be there early,” she replied.

“Good,” I said, nodding my head.

Suddenly, she stopped and peeked her head into a classroom.

“Coach Hill, you didn’t see any volleyballs lying around after P.E., did you?” she asked him.

My eyes instinctively fell to the floor at my feet.

“Okay, thanks,” she said and then continued her hike down the narrow hallway.

“No luck?” I asked her.

“He didn’t see any,” she replied.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find it,” I said.

We made our way down the rest of the hall and then outside toward the school’s only other hallway. I held the door for her as she walked in.

“So, you and Rachel are friends?” I asked her.

I watched her as she peered into the band room, littered with instrument cases, chairs and stands.

“Yeah,” she said, without looking up. “She’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, she’s all right,” I said. “She talks a lot, but she’s all right.”

“You’ve known her for awhile?” she asked.

Her thin frame was still preoccupied with the search, and every once in a while I would act as if I were looking under or around something.

“Yeah,” I said. “All of us townies pretty much grew up together. Rachel was my neighbor when we were kids, until she moved to a house right outside of town. I’m sure it was kind of the same for you guys, right?”

I picked up a chair and looked under it.

“Us country folk, you mean?” she asked, pausing to look up at me.

She sounded as if she were trying to act offended, but I could tell it really didn’t bother her.

“Julia, my dear, I know that toy tractor in front of my grandpa’s store wasn’t the last tractor you’ve driven,” I said, with a boyish smirk smeared across my face.

She stopped what she was doing and looked me square in the eyes. She was wearing a half-smile, but I didn’t so much see the smile, and the other half scared me.

“Don’t call me dear,” she said. “And you’re right, turns out I found some much bigger tractors to play with. I didn’t need yours after all.”

She smiled, and then her dagger eyes fell from mine. I let out a happy sigh and followed her back into the gym again.

“I just don’t understand where it could have gone,” she said, dramatically throwing her hands into the air.

I silently prayed that she wouldn’t look up.

“Hey,” I said, stopping in front of her.

I took a chance that she wouldn’t punch me, and I grabbed her small hips and hoisted her up onto the stage.

“Look, it’s late,” I said, looking at the imaginary watch on my wrist and positioning my body so that it was square with hers and touching her legs.

She looked a little thrown off, but she didn’t protest.

“We’ll look for it again tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, if we have to,” I said. “And we’ll keep looking for it, until it turns up.”

Her eyes fell to her lap. She looked defeated. And I wasn’t sure if she even noticed that I was touching her.

I dramatically sucked in a big breath of air. Then, I brought the back of my hand to her chin and gently lifted it until her eyes were in mine.

“We’ll find it,” I said.

She smiled a pouty smile.

Damn it. I loved that smile too.

“It’s just my favorite,” she said. “I bought it with my babysitting money. I’ve had it for a long time.”

Ugh. For the first time, I started to feel bad about hiding it from her. I paused, while the words, Let’s look for it in the rafters, fumbled around on my tongue.

But quickly, there was a second thought. That precious ball of hers could buy me some precious time with her. Time, I quickly and easily decided; I wanted time.

“I’m sure it’s in a safe place,” I reassured her.

She half-heartedly smiled.

“Thanks for helping me look for it,” she said, meeting my gaze.

My eyes immediately turned guilty, and I quickly tossed them to the floor before she could read them.

She sighed, and then I looked up again.

“In the meantime, are you hungry?” I asked.

Her green, suspicious eyes were on me fast.

“I was thinking maybe we should grab some dinner at Donna’s,” I continued.

“Will Stephens,” she scolded and pushed past me, jumping off of the stage and landing with both feet onto the wooden gym floor.

“Nice try, but I’ve got to get home,” she said, grabbing her duffle bag.

“Maybe tomorrow then?” I called out after her as she made her way toward the glowing exit sign.

“Bye, Will,” she said, glancing back one, last time and sending a confident smile my way.

I smiled, then shoved my hands into my pockets and watched her walk away until her thin frame disappeared into the hallway. When she was gone, I sighed, shut my eyelids over my eyes and allowed my head to fall back. A second later, I forced my eyes open, and then gradually, I felt a grin returning to my face because high up in the ceiling was her little, white volleyball.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s in a safe place,” I mumbled, chuckling to myself.

Then, I lowered my head and started my own journey toward the glowing, red exit sign.

“I don’t know, Jules,” I said, tossing a tennis ball into the air and catching it. “We might be searching for this volleyball for the rest of our days.”

She turned her face toward mine. Her blond hair was in a ponytail and was spread every which way over a straw bale left over from archery class. I had constructed us a pretty nice lounging bench using the bales, and now we were each lying against a home-made straw pillow. She was squinting. The sun was in her eyes, and her big eyelashes looked as if they were trying to shoo away its rays.