Лаура Миллер - My Butterfly

Then, I smiled, picked up another ball and set it onto the tee.

“Hey, I think I saw that girl who you were talking about the other day — your friend that works at the golf course,” I said when Jeff reached the steps of the porch.

“Yeah?” he asked. “Isn’t she cute? You ask her to the party?”

“Whoa, slow down,” I said. “I said I saw her. I didn’t say I asked her to marry me.”

“Wait, you didn’t ask her out?” he asked.

He waited a minute as he stared me down with his goofy expression that I was pretty sure meant he was displeased with me. I laughed inside my head.

“Man, come on,” he said, letting his head fall back. “Just get it over with. If you wait too long, you might lose your chance, and she’s not going to want to hang around me anymore. And then, you’ll have no one to take to the New Year’s Eve party, and you’ll lose Julia forever?”

I looked at him sideways.

“You really think that would work?” I asked.

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t you think Julia would just get pissed if I show up at a party that we went together to for years with another girl all of a sudden?” I asked. “I mean, we just…”

“Broke up,” he said, finishing my sentence.

“It’s just a break,” I said.

“Dude,” he said, “you guys aren’t together. And yeah, it’ll work. Girls always get jealous of other girls when they see them with their exes.”

I was quiet for a second. Then, I cocked my head in his direction.

“You reading one of your sister’s magazines again?” I asked.

“Dude, this is a proven fact,” he said.

“Proven fact,” I repeated.

He stared me down with his goofy glare again, while I took in a big breath of cool air.

“Jeff, it sounds like a stupid idea,” I said, shaking my head and letting go of the breath.

“A stupid idea that just might work,” he said.

I paused for a moment and thought about it. If I had had a better idea, I would have used it by now. She wanted a fancy-pants lawyer boyfriend right now. How was I supposed to change her mind about that?

I put my thoughts on hold and glanced back at Jeff.

“But what about the girl?” I asked.

“Who? Jessica?” he asked.

“Yeah, that would be a pretty shitty thing for me to do to her,” I said. “I can’t do that.”

“Will, I’m not telling you to be mean to her,” he said. “She wants a chance. You’re giving her a chance. She knows there’s a chance you might not like her.”

“But I’m not really giving her a chance,” I said.

“Sure you are,” he said. “Who knows, you might even fall for her.”

He was proudly nodding by the time he had finished his sentence, but then he stopped and quickly cocked his head.

“But you’re not going to fall for her,” he said. “You’re going to break her heart, and she’s going to come running to her el-friend-o, me-o,” he said, pointing dramatically at himself.

I glared at him with narrowed eyes.

“You’re an idiot, Jeff,” I said.

“But I’ve got a point, though, right?” he asked.

I walked into the house, grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with tap water. I could hear Jeff’s big footsteps trailing behind me.

“Jessica really wants to go to this party, and for some God-only-knows reason wants to go to it with you, and you want Julia back,” he said. “And what’s better to get a girl back than to use jealousy? It’s perfect. You have to admit, I’ve got a point.”

He walked closer to me and squared up to my frame. I knew he was waiting for me to acknowledge him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I also didn’t have another plan.

“Well…,” he said, drawing out his ls.

“Okay, okay, you might have a point,” I admitted, reluctantly.

“Yes,” he shouted, spinning around and pumping his fist into the air.

I watched him eventually roll onto the back of the couch and hurl himself over it. Then, I took a drink and swallowed hard. I already knew his plan was a bad idea, but I just couldn’t stop wondering: What if it worked? Just what if this crazy idiot’s plan worked?

I set the glass down onto the counter and felt my chest rise as I sucked in another deep breath. The truth was that I missed her; I missed her too much not to try anything to get her back.

“Hi,” I said, as she cracked the door and poked her head out of the small opening.

“Hey,” she said, pulling a small, furry creature back and then opening the door wider.

I watched her take the fur-ball-looking thing to another girl sitting on a couch and then disappear into a dark hallway. The girl on the couch took the dog and cradled it in her arms. The door was still open, so I stepped in and closed it again behind me.

“Let me just get my purse,” I heard a voice call out from some room in the back of the small house. “I’ll be right there.”

The girl on the couch glanced up at me.

“Hi,” I said, rocking back on my heels.

The girl smiled and returned her attention to the television and the dog, now pawing at her lap.

I squeezed my fists together in my pockets. I felt nervous. I hadn’t taken a girl out for the first time since Jules when we were sixteen. I counted the years quickly in my head. It was only three, but it felt like an eternity. She wore black on our first, real date — jeans and a tight, black top. God, I still remembered everything about it.

I glanced at a clock on a wall in the kitchen. Its loud ticking drew my attention. Eight o’clock. I touched my fingers to my palms. They felt sweaty or something, and I realized that I wasn’t nervous because of Jessica. I was nervous because I really had a bad, sick feeling about this whole, stupid idea. I should have never let Jeff talk me into it. Julia was going to hate it, and she was going to hate me for it.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Jessica said, emerging from the back room. “You look nice.”

I paused for a second in mid-thought and then awkwardly smiled.

“Thanks. So do you,” I said.

She was wearing a short, red dress — snug in all the right places. She really did look nice. And if I weren’t already obsessed with a fiery, little blonde, I realized then that I might actually really like Jessica.

“Ready?” she asked, grabbing a coat from a tall coat rack behind the door.

“Yeah,” I said and smiled.

Then, I lowered my face closer to hers.

“Does your roommate want to come?” I asked.

I watched Jessica’s eyes travel back to the girl on the couch. The girl met Jessica’s gaze and shot her an impatient look.

“I’ve tried,” Jessica said. “She says it’s too cold to go outside in a dress.”

I paused and shrugged my shoulders.

“She’s probably right,” I said, cracking a wide grin.

Jessica giggled and then slid her arms into her coat and reached for the doorknob.

“Bye, Sam,” Jessica called out over her shoulder.

The girl on the couch looked up for a second, flicked her wrist and then went back to the sitcom on the television and to scratching the dog between its ears.

I followed Jessica out the door and down the sidewalk, leading away from the little, brick house. When we reached the truck, I leaned around her to open her door. She smiled and then slid in. I was pretty sure I flashed her an awkward grin before gently closing the door behind her. I quickly shook it off and sucked in a cool breath of air, then made my way to the driver’s side.

Once behind the wheel, I felt for the key in the ignition and then purred Lou to a start before I suddenly noticed Jules’s photo on the dashboard. I stole a quick glance at Jessica. She was searching for something inside of her purse. So, without a second thought, I hastily snatched up the photo, slid it into the inside pocket of my jacket and glanced back over at Jessica. She was still searching inside her purse.

I took in a deep, nervous breath and then felt it quickly escape past my lips. Then, I forced the gear shift into first but kept my foot on the brake.

“You sure you want to go to this party?” I asked her.

Maybe there was still a way out of this mess. Maybe there was still a way for Julia not to see my dumb mistake.

Jessica blankly stared back at me.

“Isn’t everyone going to be there?” she asked.

The look on her face told me that there was no getting out of this one. Jeff was right. She really did want to go to this party. And I guessed I couldn’t blame her. It really was the best New Year’s Eve party around here, and it was always only locals who were invited. And tonight, she would be a local.

“Okay,” I said and then gently smiled.

I took my foot off the brake and hit the gas.

“To the party we go,” I said, taking in another deep, uneasy breath.

It was only half past eight, but the rooms in the big, Victorian house were nearly full. If Kathy knew one thing, it was how to throw a party. Jules always used to say that Kathy was a sixteen-year-old going on thirty-six every time Kathy would invite us to one of her elaborate shindigs back in high school. The thought and the perfect, sarcastic way Jules always used to say it made me smile on the inside.

“Will, I’m so pleased you could make it,” Kathy said, throwing her arms around me.

“Wouldn’t miss it, Kath,” I said.

Kathy pulled away and then quickly forced her attention to Jessica.

“And who’s this?” Kathy asked in a pleasant voice.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “This is Jessica. Jessica, this is Kathy. And this is Kathy’s parents’ house,” I then said to Jessica.