Лаура Миллер - My Butterfly

“Because I’m normal, and it hurts me too sometimes,” she said.

I felt the corners of my lips naturally edging up my face. Then, I let my eyes rest in hers for a little while. It was always comfortable and happy in her eyes. Then, suddenly, I remembered the flowers again, and I broke our stare to retrieve them. After snatching them from the passenger’s seat, I brought them to rest at a place in between us. Then, I watched her eyes lock onto flowers.

“It’s a butterfly weed,” I said, in almost a whisper.

She took the flowers into her hands.

“It’s pretty for a weed,” she said. “I’ve seen it before?”

I smiled.

“Yeah, along roads and in fields, pretty much everywhere around here,” I said. “They keep cuttin’ ‘em down, but they always grow back. They never give up,” I added, softly.

I watched her smile brighten as she stared into the flowers. And eventually, she came to the note attached to the stem by the little white ribbon and stopped to follow over its words.

“Do you know why they never give up?” I whispered near her ear.

She slowly shook her head back and forth.

“No,” she whispered.

I met her eyes.

“Because they want the butterflies to come back to them,” I whispered. “They need each other to survive.”

Her gaze slowly fell to the flowers clasped within her slender fingers.

“Julia,” I said again.

“Hmm?” she replied.

“You’ll be my butterfly, right? You’ll come back to me?” I asked.

She looked up at me again, and I could see her eyes filling with water. I didn’t mean for her to cry. I didn’t mean to make her sad.

“I love you, Will Stephens, and I’ll never forget you,” she said in a soft, broken voice. “I’ll be your butterfly. I’ll always come back home.”

I wrapped my arms around her then and held her as tightly as I could. I imagined never letting her go.

“You’re brave,” I said, “doing this all alone.”

I felt her body press harder against mine.

“Don’t leave,” I whispered into her ear.

She held me a little longer, then slowly pulled away when her parents came out to meet her.

Her lips seemed as if they were trying to force a smile when her eyes met mine again. I knew she wouldn’t stay, and I didn’t expect her to, and I knew she knew that.

I watched her turn and felt her hand squeeze mine for an instant and then let go as she made her way to her parents.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lang,” I said, tipping my cap.

“Hi, Will,” her mom said to me with a warm smile.

I could tell she had been crying too.

I watched as Jules hugged her mom and then her dad and then made her way back to me.

“You ready?” I asked her.

“No,” she softly said, shaking her head.

“Sure you are,” I said, doing the best I could to muster up a smile.

I walked her to the driver’s side of her jeep. Then, she pulled me close and pressed her lips against mine. The feel of her kiss sent a shiver down my spine. It was almost as if her lips were sealing her promise — the promise that she’d come back.

But eventually, she pulled away and locked her green eyes in my blues.

“I’m not brave,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m just determined, and if I don’t leave here alone, I just might change my mind about all of this.”

My smile brightened, and my eyes faltered and fell to the ground at our feet before returning to hers.

“Go get your dream, Butterfly,” I said.

I watched as a wide, perfect smile eventually found its way to her face. Then, slowly, she climbed behind the wheel.

“Drive carefully, Jules, and call me when you get there,” I said, leaning into the driver’s side window to meet her lips one, last time before she pulled away.

“I love you,” I added, when our kiss broke.

“A million times a million?” she asked.

She was forcing a smile now, so I did too.

“A million times a million and to the moon and back,” I said.

“I love you too,” she whispered, through her drying tears.

Her eyes lingered in mine for a second or two longer. Then, I took a step back from her door. It seemed as if she tried to smile again, but the corners of her lips just never quite succeeded at fully turning up, in the end. Then, she planted her eyes straight ahead and stepped on the gas.

I watched as her jeep ambled over the rocks in the driveway, leaving me behind. I pretended that she was just going to get a pizza from the next town over or a movie from Wally’s.

Then, at the top of the driveway, she stopped. I stood up straighter and looked for her. And through the passenger’s window, I caught her kissing the palm of her hand and then blowing it my way. I threw my fist into the air and acted like I was catching it. Then, I waved goodbye.

“Damn it,” I said, under my breath, as I turned the knob that quieted the tones.

My eyes found hers. She was disappointed; I could tell. But she put on a soft smile anyway.

“I’ll get it to go,” she said.

I felt a heavy sigh escape past my lips.

“Thanks, babe,” I said, pushing out my chair and stepping toward her. “Do you mind hangin’ out with Jeff for awhile.”

Still smiling, she shook her head.

I kissed her lips and gestured over to Jeff. Jeff scurried over and planted his feet in front of me.

“Are you getting off soon?” I asked him.

“Yeah, in about ten minutes,” he said, glancing at his watch.

“Good,” I said. “Can you take Julia to wherever she wants to go?”

“Sure,” Jeff said, smiling a wide, toothy grin in Julia’s direction.

“Thanks, buddy,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, baby,” I said to Jules. “I’ll call you when we’re finished.”

“Okay,” she said. “Be careful.”

“I will,” I replied, before turning and hurrying out the door.

Moments later, I was jumping into my truck and reaching into the backseat for my light. It took me a second, but I eventually found it, stuck it to the roof and flipped it on.

The first week she was back in town from school, and I had a call. I let go of another big sigh and then threw the truck into reverse and then first.

The fire station wasn’t even a mile down the road from the tiny bar, and about a minute later, I was already pulling into the little parking lot. It looked as though I was the first one there, except for the captain, who always seemed to be there. I quickly turned off the ignition and jumped out, slamming the door behind me.

Within seconds, I was inside the station and thrusting my hand against the button on the wall that sent the bay doors flying open.

By the time I reached my gear, someone was already behind me. It was Mike. He usually drove the tanker truck if we needed it, but we wouldn’t be needing it today.

I stepped into my pants and boots and threw the suspenders over my shoulders. My jacket was hanging on a hook on the wall. I grabbed it and forced my arms into its holes. Then, I grabbed my hat.

“Nothin’ like gettin’ a call in the middle of an argument with your wife,” Mike said, with a wide grin.

I paused and smiled back at him. He was still wiggling into his pants.

“You kissed her though, right?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, chuckling. “But I’ll still hear about it later, I’m sure.”

I laughed once and flung open the driver’s side door and climbed behind the wheel. Then, I started the engine and flipped a switch, and immediately, red lights bounced off of the walls of the station and back into the cab. My eyes scanned the gauges in the dash. Everything looked okay. My attention then turned to the captain’s door when I saw it fly open. I watched as the captain climbed into the seat next to mine, and seconds later, Mike followed, jumping into the back.

As soon as the doors slammed shut, I let off the brake and stepped on the gas. And when the front tires hit the street, I reached up and flipped another switch. Instantly, loud sirens poured from the top of the truck.

We arrived at the address on the scanner within minutes, almost beating the chief, who had just pulled up in his own vehicle. There was a woman standing outside with two, small children. I recognized the woman’s face. She was new in town — just moved into old-man McConnell’s house. I had met her at the hardware store just last week.

“You got this one, Will?” the captain asked.

“Yes, sir,” I said.

“Okay, we’re just going to go on inside then and check things out,” he said.

“All right,” I replied, as I pulled the truck near the curb on the street.

As soon as the engine stopped, the two guys in the cab with me slid out, and I followed after them.

“Ms. Evans,” I said, greeting the woman with a head nod.

She smiled. I wasn’t sure if she recognized me or not. She looked a little shaken. The two kids in her arms looked as if they couldn’t be any older than seven. One looked scared, maybe on the verge of tears. The other, however, was bright-eyed and seemed to be more fascinated by the fire engine’s lights and the strange men wearing space suits on his lawn than any threat of danger. I smiled at the kids and then looked back up at their mother.

“Did you smell any smoke, ma’am?” I asked her.

I watched as the captain, Mike and the chief opened the door to the house and slipped in. Then, I saw the woman shake her head.

“No,” she said, softly, squeezing her children closer. “The smoke detector went off in my daughter’s room. I couldn’t smell anything, but I just wanted to be sure. It’s an old house, you know. Maybe I shouldn’t have called, but I just wanted to be sure…”