"At least let me stay in a room that is not a prison."
"You said you preferred to be kept from my people." She'd been adamant on that point.
"I was overwrought yesterday. I wasn't thinking clearly when I ran from you."
"Why?"
She looked at him as if she could not believe he had needed to ask. "I was kidnapped, then I discovered the only friend I have in the Highlands was to be forced into marriage to exact revenge on her brother, then you made me sit in that tiny boat to cross water so deep there is probably no bottom while your brother glared at me as if I were his worst enemy. When we landed on dry land, my emotions got the better of me."
"The water frightened you?" he asked, wondering if she would tell him the truth.
Knowing an opponent's fears made them vulnerable to you and she did not realize he knew hers already. He'd been shocked when he heard her and Cait talking about it. He had not smelled Emily's fear on the boat and he should have. Humans were not trained to mask their scent.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I don't want to die by drowning."
"A sound plan, but that does not explain your concern when you were in a seaworthy boat."
"The boat could have tipped. A wave could have crashed over the bow and knocked me into the water."
"I would have pulled you out."
She stared at him, an odd expression on her face. Then she sighed. "I don't expect you to understand, but I don't like the water and the sea terrifies me."
"Why?"
She looked away, her face schooled into an impassive mask that impressed him all the more for the fact that her features were usually so expressive. "It does not matter."
"I will be the judge of that. Tell me."
"You are even more demanding than my father."
"Did your father instill the fear of water in you because he was afraid you would drown?" It was not such an uncommon practice, but it was a foolish one. Better to teach a child to swim than to teach them fear.
She did not answer and she did not move. There was a quality to her stillness that bothered him. It was too absolute. She was barely breathing.
"Emily?"
She looked at him then and her violet eyes were filled with an agony he could not stand.
Without considering his next actions, he sat beside her on the bed and then pulled her into his lap. It was a measure of her inner turmoil that she did not fight his hold, but burrowed against him as if hiding from her own thoughts.
It shamed him that while she was so obviously upset, his body reacted to her nearness with primitive intensity. He wanted her and his sex was soon rigid with the need to take her.
Forcing his thoughts to other paths, he repeated, "Tell me."
She shook her head.
"Why not?"
"It is long past."
"But haunts you like a specter of the night."
She shuddered. "Yes."
"Tell me and I will vanquish your ghost."
Emily marveled at his confidence. Did he really think it was that simple? "You are a man, not a magician."
"I am a laird."
"There you go again, thinking that's the answer to everything," she said teasingly, but her voice was not as light as she wanted it to be.
"It is." No doubts. No questions. Just absolute certainty in his own power.
Was he right? Could telling him cauterize the wound that had bled inside her for so long? She had never told anyone, not even Abigail, why she was so wretchedly afraid of the water.
"My mother died giving birth to a boy child who also died." Memories crowded her mind and she curled instinctively further into Lachlan's strength and heat. "Until then, my father loved me and called me his precious daughter. He was kind to me and smiled often. He loved my mother very much. His grief at her death was terrible. And his affection for me turned to hatred. He blamed me for being born a girl and for Mama's death in the attempt to give him a son and heir. He drank wine by the pitcherful the first months after her passing."
She could still remember the stench of it on his breath, his clothes. She'd been a small child, hurting and frightened by her mother's death and her father's withdrawal.
"One night, I went to him… I wanted to comfort him. I wanted him to hold me and call me precious as he had before she died. But he did not want my comfort and he abhorred my touch. He started shouting at me, telling me how useless I was. He said that when animals give birth to useless offspring, the babies are drowned. That I should have been drowned at birth, I was so useless."
Her throat convulsed and she had to take several breaths before going on.
"He stumbled to his feet and grabbed me. He carried me like a sack of wheat, his big arm pushing into my stomach. It hurt. I was crying and begging him to let me go, but he acted like he didn't hear me. He kept muttering about drowning a useless pup. He carried me outside. It was dark and there was no one around. He took me to the small pond behind the keep. The water was dark and black. Terrifying. I started screaming, but no one came. He gave an anguished roar and threw me in."
Talking about it brought back the feeling of the cold water closing over her head, the terror as she realized she could not breathe. She'd flailed in the water, but could not swim and her head broke the surface only once. She'd been sure she was going to die, but then her father's hand had been there, grabbing her, pulling her into the cold night air.
She'd coughed and sputtered, throwing up water, sobbing so hard she could not breathe. He'd held her then, rubbing her back, telling her over and over again how sorry he was. He'd carried her back to the keep as if she were a baby, cuddling her close to his chest, trying to comfort her. But all she had wanted was to get away from him.
When they reached the keep, the housekeeper was there. With terror-based strength, Emily had torn herself from her father's arms and thrown herself at the housekeeper. She'd wrapped her arms around the woman's legs and sobbed and sobbed.
"Father told her to give me a hot bath and drink. Then he left. The next day, he found me in my room and I screamed when I saw him. He went away after that. When he came home, he had my stepmother Sybil with him and my two stepsisters."
Emily had needed her father's love, but had not been able to bear being close enough for him to touch her for years after that. Sybil had finished the separation his drunken rage had started, and by the time Emily was old enough to begin to understand her father's pain and drunken cruelty, she was too estranged from him for it to make a difference.
"He has never had a drop of wine since then that I know of, even when Sybil insisted he toast the birth of their first son. He drank water."
She looked up at Lachlan, wondering what he thought of her awful tale. His eyes were filled with banked rage and a compassion that touched her in places she could not afford to be touched. She scrambled off his lap and stood. He made no move to grab her back, but she felt the need for more space between them nevertheless and moved to the other side of the room.
She crossed her arms protectively over her heart. "Now you know."
"He was crazed with grief."
"Yes."
"But there is no excuse for what he did. I would kill a soldier who acted likewise."
She shivered, knowing he meant it. "I didn't want him killed. He was my father."
"He never touched you again?"
"No."
"But you are marked by his brutality."
"You could put it that way. My fear of the water is not usually a problem. I can hide it mostly. Other than kidnappings, I've never been forced into a boat."
He did not smile at her small jest. "You still cannot swim?"
Revulsion at the thought swept over her and she made no attempt to mask it. "No."
"I can."
"Oh." She did not know what else to say.
"To live on an island and not be able to swim would be foolish."
"I suppose so."
"I will teach you to swim as well."
Horrified, she shook her head vehemently and then said, "No," for good measure.
"It is necessary, both for your safety and to vanquish your ghost."
"It's a memory, not a ghost."
"Call it what you like, but I have promised to defeat it and I will."
"By teaching me to swim?" she asked incredulously.
"Yes."
"You're daft. I want to stay away from the water, not get into it."
He was right in front of her without her knowing how he'd gotten there again. Maybe the man was a magician. "Most lairds would not take kindly to being called daft," he told her in a mild voice.
She bit her lip. He was probably right.
He reached out and gently pulled her lip from her teeth with his thumb. "Do not do that, you will draw blood."
She jerked backward, his touch more provocative than her memories. "I'm sorry."
"For biting your lip?"
"For implying you are daft."
"Then you agree to learn to swim?"
She swallowed, her mind whirling. "You truly believe doing so will drive the memories away?"
"If I teach you, it will."
Of course he thought he was the only one who could do anything important. He was the laird after all. She had to clamp down on a hysterical giggle. There was nothing funny about this situation. But what if he was right? She hated her fear of the water, but even more she hated her fear of her father. She would most likely never see him again, but if she did… she would like to be able to touch him without cringing.
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