” And I answered her. I said : There’s only one thing you can do, my dear; and that is go on with your marriage to Connan TreMellyn. You’re betrothed to him. You must forget what happened with Geoffry Nansellock.” And she said to me: ‘ Aunt Clara, how can I forget? There’ll be a living reminder, won’t there? ” Then I did this terrible thing. I said to her: ‘ You must marry. Your child will be born prematurely. ” Then she threw back her head and laughed and laughed. It was hysterical laughter. Poor Alice, she was near breaking-point. “

Great-Aunt Clara sat back in her chair; she looked as though she had just come out of a trance. I really believe she had been seeing, not me sitting opposite her, but Alice.

She was now a little frightened because she was wondering whether she had told me too much.

I said nothing. I was picturing it all; the wedding which would have been a ceremonial occasion; the death of Alice’s mother almost immediately afterwards; and Connan’s father had died the following year. The marriage had been to please them and they had not lived long to enjoy it. And Alice was left with Connan—my Connan—and Alvean, the child of another man, whom she bad tried to pass off as his. She had not succeeded—that much I knew.

He had kept up the pretence that Alvean was his daughter, but he had never accepted her as such in his mind. Alvean knew it; she admired him so much; but she suspected something was wrong and she was uncertain; she longed to be accepted as his daughter. Perhaps he had never really discovered whether she was or not.

The situation was fraught with drama. And yet, I thought, what good can come of brooding on it? Alice is dead; Alvean and Connan are alive. Let them forget what happened in the past. If they were wise they would try to make happiness for each other in the future.

” Oh, my dear,” sighed Great-Aunt Clara, ” how I talk! It is like living it all again. I have wearied you.” A little fear crept into her voice. ” I have talked too much and you, Miss Leigh, have played no part in all this. I trust you will keep what I have said, to yourself.”

” You may trust me to do so,” I assured her.

” I knew it. I would not have told you otherwise. But in any case, it is all so long ago. It has been a comfort to talk to you. I think about it all sometimes during the night. You see, it might have been right for her to marry GeofEry. Perhaps she thought so, and that was why she tried to run away with him. To think of them on that train! It seems like the judgment of God, doesn’t it?”

” No,” I said sharply. ” There were many other people on that train who were killed. They weren’t all on the point of leaving their husbands with other men.”

She laughed on a high note. ” How right you are! I knew you had lots of common sense. And you don’t think I did wrong? You see, I sometimes tell myself that, if I had persuaded her not to marry Connan, she wouldn’t. That is what frightens me. I pointed the way to her destiny.”

” You must not blame yourself,” I said. ” Whatever you did you did because you thought it was best for her. And we after all make our own destinies. I am sure of that.”

” You do comfort me, Miss Leigh. You will stay and have tea with me, won’t you?”

” It is kind of you, but I think I should be back before dark.”

” Oh yes, you must be back before dark.”

” It grows dark so early at this time of year.”

” Then I must not be selfish and keep you. Miss Leigh, when Alvean is well enough, you will bring her over to see me?”

” I promise I shall.”

” And if you yourself feel like coming over before that….”

” Depend upon it, I shall come. You have given me a very pleasant and interesting time.”

The fear came back into her eyes. ” You will remember it was in confidence?”

I reassured her. I knew that this charming old lady’s greatest pleasure in life must have been sharing confidences, telling a little more than was discreet. Well, I thought, we all have our little vices.

She came to the door to wave me on when I left.

” It’s been so pleasant,” she reiterated. ” And don’t forget.” She put her finger to her lips and her eyes sparkled.

I imitated the gesture and, waving, rode off.

I was very thoughtful on the way home. This day I had learned so much.

I was nearly at Mellyn village when the thought struck me that Gilly was Alvean’s half-sister. I remembered then the drawings I had seen of Alvean and Gilly combined.

So Alvean knew. Or did she merely fear? Was she trying to convince herself that her father was not Geoffry Nansellock which would make her Gilly’s half-sister? Or did her great desire for Connan’s approval really mean that she was longing for him to accept her as his daughter?

I felt a great desire to help them all out of this morass of tragedy into which Alice’s indiscretion had plunged them.

I can do it, I told myself. I will do it.

Then I thought of Connan with Lady Treslyn, and I was n filled with disquiet. What absurd and impossible dreams I was indulging in. What chance had I—a governess—of showing Connan the way to happiness?

Christmas was rapidly approaching, and it brought with it all that excitement which I remembered so well from the old days in my father’s vicarage.

Kitty and Daisy were constantly whispering together, and Mrs. Polgrey said that they nearly drove her crazy, and that their work was more skimped than usual, though that had to be seen to be believed. She went about the house sighing ” Nowadays….” and shaking her head in sorrow. But even she was excited.

The weather was warm, more like the approach of spring than of winter.

On my walks in the woods I noticed that the primroses had begun to bloom.

” My dear life,” said Tapperty, ” primroses in December be nothing new to we. Spring do come early to Cornwall.”

I began to think about Christmas presents and I made a little list.

There must be something for Phillida and her family, and Aunt Adelaide; but I was mainly concerned with the people at Mount Mellyn.

I had a little money to spend, as I used very little and had saved most of what I had earned since I had taken my post at Mount Mellyn.

One day I went into Plymouth and did my Christmas shopping. I bought books for Phillida and her family and had them sent direct to her; I bought a scarf for Aunt Adelaide and that was sent direct too. I spent a long time choosing what I would give the Mellyn household. Finally, I decided on scarves for Kitty and Daisy, red and green which would suit them; and a blue one for Gilly to match her eyes. For Mrs. Polgrey I bought a bottle of whisky which I was sure would delight her more than anything else, and for Alvean some handkerchiefs in many colours, with A embroidered on them.

I was pleased with my purchases. I was beginning to grow as excited about Christmas as Daisy and Kitty were.

The weather continued very mild, and on Christmas Eve I helped Mrs. Polgrey and the girls to decorate the great hall and some of the other rooms.

The men had been out the previous day and brought in ivy, holly, box and bay. I was shown how the pillars in the great hall were entwined with these leaves and Daisy and Kitty taught me how to make Christmas bushes; they were delightedly shocked by an ignorance like mine. I had never before heard of a Christmas bush! We took two wooden hoops one inserted into the other and this ball-like frame work we decorated with evergreen leaves and furze; then we hung oranges and apples on it; and I must say this made a pretty show. These we hung in some of the windows.

The biggest logs were carried in for the fireplaces, and the house was filled with laughter, while the servants’ hall was decorated in exactly the same manner as the great hall.

“We do have our ball here while the family be having theirs,” Daisy told me; and I wondered to which ball I should go. Perhaps to neither.

A governess’s position was somewhere in between, I supposed.

” My life!” cried Daisy, ” I can scarcely wait for the day. Last Christmas was a quiet one … had to be on account of the house being in mourning. But we in the servants’ hall managed pretty well.

There was dash-an-darras and metheglin to drink, and Mrs. Polgrey’s sloe gin had to be tasted to be believed. There was mutton and beef, I remember, and hog’s pudding. No feast in these parts ain’t complete without hog’s pudding. You ask Father! “

All through Christmas Eve the smell of baking filled the kitchen and its neighbourhood. Tapperty, with Billy Trehay and some of the boys from the stables, came to the door just to smell it. Mrs. Tapperty was up at the house all day working in the kitchen. I scarcely recognised the usualy calm and dignified Mrs. Polgrey. She was bustling about, her face flushed, purring, stirring and talking ecstatically of pies which bore the odd names of squab and lam my giblet, muggety and her by

I was called in to help.

“Do ‘ee keep your eye on that saucepan. Miss, and should it come to the boil tell I quickly.” Mrs. Polgrey’s dialect became more and more broad as the excitement grew, and I could scarcely understand the language which was being bandied about in the kitchen that Christmas.

I was smiling fatuously at a whole batch of pasties which had just come out of the oven, golden-brown pastry with the smell of savoury meats and onions, when Kitty came in shouting:

” M’am, the curl singers be here.”

“Well, bring ‘em, bring ‘em in, ye daftie,” cried Mrs. Polgrey, forgetting dignity in the excitement and wiping her hand across her sweating brow. ” What be ‘ee waiting for? Don’tee know, me dear, that it be bad luck to keep curl singers waiting?”