She turned and opened the door. A tall, attractive older man walked inside. His hair was that distinguished gray, and although he was wearing a dress shirt, it was obvious his body was well built. Kind brown eyes met mine and I managed to return his smile.

“This is Garrison. He owns half the place. We were married once, but we’re better business partners. I find the women and he tests them. You’ve impressed me. Now you must impress him.”

Garrison walked over to the red chair and sat down. “It’s nice to meet you Jess,” he said in a deep, smooth voice.

I wanted to reply, but I was so unsure of what test she meant that I couldn’t find words. I looked back at Delilah. She waved a hand at Garrison. “The music will start up in a moment, and you have to give him a lap dance. Garrison won’t touch you, just like the guests aren’t allowed to touch you. Unless, of course, one asks for permission and pays you for it,” she finished with a wink.

I wouldn’t be letting anyone touch me. That wasn’t part of the job description. I also hadn’t been prepared for lap dances. That was up close and personal.

“Don’t be nervous. It’s just us. With that face and body, you’re not gonna have to do much to make them happy. Listen to the music and forget the man. Move to the music and enjoy the way it feels. Do it because dancing feels good, not because someone is watching you. It isn’t about them.”

But it was about them, and I would be doing it in their laps. I was going to hyperventilate.

“Breathe, sweetheart. Don’t panic on me. You can do this,” he said encouragingly.

“I hadn’t realized I had to do . . . I mean, dance so close,” I finally said.

“If you’ve changed your mind I’ll be disappointed, because I think you’ll become a favorite here, but I’ll let you leave. It’s okay if you think this isn’t for you.”

My momma needed me to. I had to make enough money to get us through this. Then I could quit. I could get another job. This wasn’t forever. No one was going to touch me. I just had to forget that they were looking at me naked. I couldn’t focus on that.

“I can do it,” I said, more for myself than for him.

He nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s start with stripping. I need to see what we have under that little bit of fabric you have covering you.”

Oh shit. He wanted me to strip for him and dance naked in his lap? My heart sped up again, and I twisted my hands nervously in front of me. There was no other way. This was the only job I could do and make this kind of money. My momma had done much worse for me.

I didn’t make eye contact with him. Instead I listened to the beat of the song, and I focused on moving my body in ways that I knew men liked. That was something I knew how to do. I unzipped the dress slowly, then let it fall forward just enough to tease at its falling off. He saw naked females all the time. I could do this. It was just my boobs.

I lifted my hands in the air and shimmied until the dress worked its way down my body and then fell around my ankles on the floor. I hadn’t been wearing a bra, and the tiny black panties I had on weren’t going anywhere. Garrison leaned back in his chair, and his eyes looked appreciatively over my body. I blocked that out.

I had only seen a lap dance on television once, so I wasn’t sure I knew exactly what to do. I figured I would dance over him without touching him.

Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back as I moved between his legs and danced. I didn’t think about the fact that I was topless with a strange man in a room and I was trying to turn him on. I just did what felt good.

“Put your hands on the back of the chair and lean close without touching,” Garrison said in a hoarse whisper.

I opened my eyes and did as he said. My chest was close to his face, but I didn’t look at that. I continued to dance.

“Put your foot on my knee,” he said.

I paused. “That’s touching,” I replied.

“The bottom of your shoe on my knee isn’t actual touching,” he replied, grinning at me.

I did as I was told, and his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath. “Okay, that’s good,” he said tightly.

From the tense look on his face I was afraid I had done something wrong. “If I messed up, I can try again. It was my first time,” I started to explain, and he shook his head and let out a relieved chuckle.

“You’re hired, Jess. That was perfect. You’ll have this place so packed that we won’t have any damn seats left.”

Garrison stood up and walked swiftly across the room and jerked open the door. “You can get dressed. I’ll send Dee back in.” He hurried out, and I reached for my dress and slipped it back on. When I started to zip it, Dee opened the door.

She was smiling triumphantly. “I’m impressed. It’s been years since a girl affected Garrison on her tryout. Bravo. Let’s go to my office and get your paperwork and your work schedule filled out.”

I followed her out into the hall.

Loud moaning and banging filled the hallway as we walked down it. I glanced over at a door we passed, and I had no doubt in my mind someone was having sex. Did some of the girls do that, too? I wasn’t okay with that. I was a look-not-touch only. I needed to make sure they understood that.

“I told you that you got him worked up. Good thing Farrah was here to help him burn off some steam,” Dee said, opening a door for me to follow.

I glanced back at the room as a loud male groan echoed off the walls. “That’s Garrison?” I asked, making sure I had heard her right.

“Yes. You had him sweating and shaking when he walked out of that room. He grabbed the first girl he knew would fuck him and dragged her into his office. No worries, though—he only fucks the ones who want him. He won’t touch you.”

The sick knot I lived with these days was back. This was terrifying. My world was changing, and I realized my desire to feel safe was a childhood fantasy. This was my life.

JASON

Even if I never spoke to Jess again, I needed to get revenge. I wanted to hurt her as much as she’d hurt me. The more I thought about her pushing this off on me like I deserved it only made me angrier. It was like she had laid down a fucking ultimatum that I had failed by saying I was taking Jo to that stupid cotillion. I didn’t like being controlled. My parents had been trying to control me my entire life. All I ever did was fight to be free. Jess had been one more person wanting control of me.

I had been so damn willing to give it to her too. In a way I had. I’d let her break me. Falling in love wasn’t something I had ever wanted. The only thing I had on my side was the fact that I had never told her I loved her. She didn’t know she’d hurt me as badly as she had. My pride was still somewhat intact. Not that it did me much good.

After planning on taking Jo back to my place for sex once the cotillion was over, I had failed miserably when the time actually came. I couldn’t stand to touch her. Kissing her had been bad. It lacked more than I could possibly label. She had felt wrong in my arms. She hadn’t fit right. Her curves didn’t send my heart into a wild frenzy, and the idea of getting her underneath me did nothing for me.

I had taken her home and gone back to my apartment to drink myself to sleep. Jo called the next day and the next. By kissing her, I had led her to believe I was attracted to her. How the hell she thought that after the kiss we shared, I wasn’t sure. Had she not been there for that kiss? It had been bland and boring. I focused on ignoring her at school and sending her calls to voice mail, but she wasn’t giving up that easily.

Two weeks later Winston was standing outside the door to my apartment when I got home from class. Winston was one of Jax’s bodyguards and had been with Jax since the beginning of his fame. I didn’t even look at him when I went to the door. “Good afternoon, Mr. Jason,” Winston said politely. It wasn’t his fault my brother was in there, nor was it his fault my brother paid for the apartment. I nodded. “Hello, Winston,” I replied, and stepped inside.

Jax was standing at the tall windows overlooking the small city with a soda in his hand. He turned to look at me and smirked. “You aren’t answering my calls. What did you expect?” he said.

I threw my books on the table. “I don’t know, maybe some fucking privacy,” I replied, annoyed.

Jax let out a low whistle. “Your language has taken a downward spiral.”

My brother’s witty comments were only making me more pissed off that he was here without asking.

“I’m not in the mood to talk. To anyone,” I snapped.

Jax nodded and walked over to sit on the bar stool closest to him. “Is it Mother? I heard her basically planning your wedding to Jo.”

“She can forget that shit. Jo needs to sniff elsewhere.”

“You took her to the cotillion,” Jax said as he studied me for a reaction. I knew what he was doing. He had always tried to figure me out by reading my facial expressions. Most of the time he was accurate.

“Meant nothing. I did what I said I’d do, and now I’m done.”

“You end it with Jess?” he asked, and I felt my entire body tense up at the sound of her name. I hadn’t said it or heard it in three weeks. And I wasn’t ready to hear it now.

“Don’t,” I said, walking away from him and across the room in case I started throwing things. She was already alive in my dreams at night. Haunting me. Driving me crazy. I didn’t want to acknowledge her existence while I was awake.

“Don’t what? Ask you about Jess?”

I fisted my hands at my sides and glared at the wall in front of me. He was trying to push my buttons. No reason to react. If he thought he’d gotten to me, he would chant her name until I lost it.