Abbi Glines - Misbehaving

I managed to laugh even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. I would much rather have cried at how unfair life was. Why some people were born with all the luck, and then others were given one punch after another. I wasn’t going down just yet. I had more fight left in me.

Tonight, I wasn’t calling Jason back. I couldn’t do it without breaking down and crying. This wasn’t his business. I wasn’t his future and he wasn’t in love with me. I had to deal with it on my own. The hardened wall I had let come down slowly began to erect itself as I sat down and made a list of things I needed to handle this week. By Saturday I would be ready to go get a job and an apartment.

JASON

I had been calling Jess for two days and left several dozen messages, but she hadn’t responded once. If she was listening to my messages, she knew I had the tickets to the music festival thanks to my brother. She also knew exactly what had happened when Jo answered my phone and how it would never happen again.

Either she wasn’t getting my messages or she didn’t believe me. I made arrangements to leave Thursday night. My Friday class was just going to have to be missed. I had someone getting me notes. I couldn’t wait until Friday night to see Jess. I had to fix this. Knowing she was upset made it impossible for me to concentrate on anything.

When my phone started ringing, I jumped out of the shower soaking wet and grabbed my phone. It was Jess.

“Finally,” I said into the phone. “I’ve called a million times.”

She didn’t respond right away, and I felt a moment of panic. Was she still pissed?

“It’s been a busy week. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call you back.” Her voice sounded off. Almost like she was fighting back tears.

“Jess, what’s wrong? Is this about that shit with Jo? Because I swear to you . . .”

“No, it’s not about her. Don’t apologize. It’s okay, really. I’m not angry about that.”

Then what the hell was wrong? “What’s going on?”

She let out a sigh, and I walked over to my computer to see when the next flight headed south was. My classes could all go to hell. I wasn’t losing her. If she needed me, then I was going to be there.

“I . . . Your, uh . . .” She stopped, and it sounded like she sniffed. Then she took a deep breath. “Your mom came by on Monday to see me. She made it very clear how you feel for Johanna.”

“What the fuck? She came to your house?” I asked, standing up and staring straight ahead as fury rolled through me. How could she do this? What was wrong with my mother? It was my fucking life.

“She wanted me to understand how things were with the two of you and your hopes for your future. I don’t fit in to that world. Your world. It is just too much. And I understand now why you picked Johanna’s feelings over mine that morning. It makes sense. I was confusing sex with something more.”

“Jess, stop talking now. Just stop fucking talking. None of this is true. I don’t know what she said, but—”

“You chose her feelings when put on the spot. I knew that meant something. I get it, and I accept that I was never meant for more than a fling. I let the needy female in me want more, and that was my mistake. But it’s all irrelevant now.”

“I’m booking a flight now. I’m coming to see you. I thought we cleared that shit with Jo up. I never would choose her feelings over yours. Please, just—”

“I slept with Krit last night,” she blurted out, and my world stopped turning. The fire inside of me was immediately doused as I stood there unable to speak.

“I’ve always wanted a man to love me for me. Because he’s wild I always ignored his declarations of love. But he loves me. He always chooses me first. He will turn down anyone and anything if I ask him to. That’s the kind of devotion I deserve. It’s what you have with Johanna. I was ruining that for you. Go change the world. I’ll be fine here in this life I was born into.”

I couldn’t even tell her bye. When she hung up, I stood there holding the phone in my hand, completely cold inside. She hadn’t called me all week because she was fucking that lowlife again, not because I had hurt her. My mother tells her one batch of lies and she believes her. No questions asked, she fucking believed her and then went running to a guy who wears motherfucking eyeliner.

The pain slowly turned to rage and hate. I would make sure I never saw her face again. If s wanted to be a whore, then so be it. I should have known better. Girls like her aren’t the kind who change. They don’t have good hearts and the ability to fall in love.

The sad fact was, now she had ruined me. I had tasted that kind of passion and nothing else would ever compare. Jess had made sure she broke me. I wouldn’t be able to need like that again. I didn’t fucking want to. A loveless marriage to a woman who was raised to know that you didn’t control a man with your body was the safe route. No wonder so many men married boring women and only fucked the wild ones. You couldn’t hold the wild ones. Guess I’d learned that the hard way.

JESS

I held on to the tree in front of me while I dry heaved over and over again after my stomach was completely empty. My face was wet with tears and my throat burned. None of it mattered. Every time I’d replayed the lie I had told Jason, I threw up again. My plan to end things with him had gone much differently in my head. I had worked on what I would say to him for two days while I ignored his calls.

When the time had come to actually tell him something I knew would drive him away, I hadn’t realized how it would completely destroy me. It had been a last resort, but the determination in his voice had been more fierce than I’d expected. He hadn’t been going to go away easily. It had only made me love him more.

Then I had told him a lie that ripped my heart out. He hadn’t said another word. Not even good-bye. His silence had been enough. I knew then that he was done. I had guessed right. He wouldn’t forgive me for something like that.

Krit didn’t even know I had used him. I hadn’t seen him in two weeks. And once I moved, I wouldn’t be seeing him at all anymore.

When I went back inside, I didn’t tell Momma about my phone call. I just got in the shower and let the tears fall silently. This was my lot in life, and after tonight I wouldn’t feel sorry for myself again. There was no time for that. It got us nowhere, and I hadn’t been raised to be weak.

The rest of the week went by quickly. After dropping all my classes, I had quit my job and let our landlord know we would be out by the end of the month, which was Monday.

Momma had wanted me to tell Rock, but I wasn’t going to. Not yet. He had a family to take care of. This was our battle, no one else’s. I would tell Rock eventually, but not until we were moved and I was working. He would try to stop that. I wasn’t going to let him. It was the only way. Friday I took Momma to the doctor, then drove fifteen more minutes to the big city of Mobile. It was so different from Sea Breeze, but I felt like I was hidden from everyone. No one knew me. It was easier this way.

I headed to Delilah’s in the tightest dress I had and a pair of stiletto heels. This wasn’t like Jugs. The clientele was higher class and had more money to spend. Which meant they had high standards for their girls. I was starting at the top, but I realized that I might not make the cut, so I had a list of other clubs to go try out if this one didn’t work.

It was a twenty-four-hour establishment since many businessmen came here during their workday to relax, so I was instructed by the lady I spoke with on the phone to come to the back door and knock.

I did as I was told and the door opened up. A large man who was no doubt a bouncer looked me up and down and then stepped aside. “Dee’s expecting you,” he said without asking my name. I must have been the only afternoon appointment. That was a good sign.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“This way,” he said, and turned to walk down the hallway. I followed quickly behind him. Music from the club could be heard back here. The sexy beat to it made me nervous. I had never imagined that I would be doing this. Momma had always said she wanted better for me, so I had expected more too. Life had a funny way of proving you wrong.

“In here,” he said, opening another door and standing back to let me enter. “Dee will be with you in a moment. You can have a seat,” he told me before closing the door.

I looked around the room and realized it was a solid white room with one red leather straight-backed chair. No windows and nothing on the walls. I noticed a speaker in the ceiling. It all seemed like an odd holding room.

The door opened and a woman who was older than my mother but looked well preserved stepped inside. She was wearing a tight royal-blue dress that made my cleavage look pitiful. Her heels were covered in spikes. Her long red hair was pulled to the side, and she had startling green eyes. If this was what they expected, I was out of my league.

“You’re Jess?” she asked, looking at my body in a way no other woman ever had. She was literally studying me.

“Yes,” I replied, thankful I hadn’t stuttered.

“And you have ID to prove you’re twenty?” she asked, lifting her gaze to mine.

I nodded and started to open my purse.

“Not now. I just want to make sure you have it,” she said, holding out her hand. “I’m Delilah. Or better known around here as Dee.” She dropped her gaze back to my boobs. “You have the body. You’ll make a fucking killing. The men here will eat you up. A face like an angel with that body is all their fantasies. But I need you to pass the test. Can’t get them all excited and then you suck at this,” she said with a smile.