how when he gets back to New York he is thinking about starting a band since he is having trouble finding sponsors for his webzine Crackhead on account of how he did that ground-breaking expose on how much Windows sucks and how he

only uses Linux now.

Apparently a lot of Crackhead's former subscribers are frightened of the wrath of Bill Gates and his minions.

I was so happy to be listening to Michael's voice that I didn't even notice what time it was or how sleepy I was getting until

he went, 'Hey, isn't it like three in the morning there?' which by that point it almost was. Only I didn't care because I was so happy just to be talking to him.

'Yes,' I said, dreamily.

'Well, you'd better get to bed,' Michael said. 'Unless you get to sleep in. But I bet you have stuff to do tomorrow, right?'

'Oh,' I said, still all lost in rapture, which is what the sound of Michael's voice sends me into. 'Just a ribbon-cutting ceremony

at the hospital. And then lunch with the Genovian Historical Society. And then a tour of the Genovian zoo. And then dinner

with Minister of Culture and his wife.'

'Oh, my God,' Michael said, sounding alarmed. 'Do you have to do that kind of stuff every day?'

'Uh-huh,' I said, wishing I were there with him, so that I could gaze into his adorably brown eyes while hearing his adorably deep voice, and thus know whether or not he loved me, since this was, according to Tina, the only way you could tell with boys.

'Mia,' he said, with some urgency, 'you'd better get some sleep. You have a huge day ahead of you.'

'OK,' I said, happily.

'I mean it, Mia,' he said. He can be so authoritative sometimes, just like the Beast in Beauty and the Beast, my favourite Broadway show of all time. Or the way Patrick Swayze bossed Baby around in Dirty Dancing. So, so exciting. 'Hang

up the phone and go to bed.'

'You hang up first,' I said.

Sadly, he got less bossy after this. Instead, he started talking in this voice I had only ever heard him use once before, and

that was on the stoop in front of my mom's apartment building the night of the Non-Denominational Winter Dance, when

we did all that kissing.

Which was actually even more exhilarating than when he was bossing me around, to be truthful.

'No,' he said. 'You hang up first.'

'No,' I said, thrilled to pieces. 'You.'

'No,' he said. 'You.'

'Both of you hang up,' Lilly said, very rudely, over the extension. 'Grandma needs to call Uncle Mort in Schenectady to

see how his toe surgery went.'

So we both said goodbye very hastily and hung up.

But I'm almost positive Michael would have said 'I love you' if Lilly hadn't been on the line.









Saturday, January 9, 2 p.m.,

Royal Genovian Limo





Grandmere can be so mean. Seriously. Imagine pinching me, just because she thought I had dozed off for a few seconds

at lunch! I swear I am going to have a bruise now. It's a good thing I don't have any time to go to the beach, because if I

did and anyone saw the scar she'd left, they'd probably call the Genovian Child Protection Services.

And I'm sorry, but the Genovian Historical Society was really, really boring. Worse than the FOIL system, practically.

How many times can you hear about marauding Visigoths, anyway?

And I wasn't asleep, either. I was just resting my eyes.

Grandmere says it is thoughtless of Michael to keep me up all hours whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I informed her

very firmly that Michael had actually told me to hang up, because he cares very deeply about me, and that I was the one

who kept on talking. And that we don't whisper sweet nothings to one another, we have substantive discussions about art

and literature and Bill Gates's stranglehold on the software industry.

To which Grandmere replied, 'Pfuit!' which is French for Big Deal.

But you can tell she is totally jealous because she would like a boyfriend who is as smart and thoughtful as mine. But that

will so never happen, because Grandmere is too mean, and besides, there is that whole thing she does with her eyebrows.

Boys like girls with real eyebrows, not painted-on ones.










Saturday, January 9, 10 p.m.,

Royal Genovian Bedchamber






I am so excited! Tina, not being able to join her family on the ski slopes, spent all day in an Aspen Internet cafe looking up

all of her friends' horoscopes. She just faxed over my and Michael's astrological chart! I am taping it here in my journal so

I won't lose it. It is so accurate it is making my spine tingle.



Michael — Date of Birth = January 5:

Capricorn is the leader of the Earth signs. Here is a stabilizing force, one of the hardest-working signs of the Zodiac. The Mountain goat has intense powers of self-concentration, but not in an egotistical sense. Members of this sign find a great deal wore confidence in what they do than in who they are. Capricorn is one very high-achiever! Without balance, however, Capricorn can become too rigid, and focus too much on achievement Then they forget the little

joys in life. When the Goat finally relaxes and enjoys life, his or her most delightful secrets emerge. No one has a

better sense of humour than the Capricorn. Oh, that Cap might let us bask in that warm smile!

Mia — Date of Birth = May 1:

Ruled by loving Venus, Taurus has great emotional depth. Friends and lovers rely on the warmth and emotional accessibility of the Bull. Taurus represents consistency, loyalty and patience. Fixed Earth can be very rigid, too cautious to take some of the risks necessary in life. Sometimes the Bull ends up temporarily stuck in the mud. He

or she may not want to rise to every challenge or potential. And stubborn? Ah yes! The Taurus Bull may always surface. This sign's Yin energy can also go too far, causing Taurus to become very, very passive. Still, you cannot

ask for a better lover, or more loyal friend.



Michael + Mia =

Courageous, ambitious Earth signs, Taurus and Capricorn seem to be made for each other. Both value career

success and share a love of beauty and of lasting, classical foundations. Capricorn's irony charms the Bull, while

the latter's expert sensuality rescues the Capricorn from his or her obsession with career. They enjoy talking

together, and communication is excellent. They confide in each other, promising never to offend or betray the

other. This could be a perfect couple.

See! We're perfect for each other! But expert sensuality? Me? Um, I don't think so.

Still . . . I'm so happy! Perfect! You can't get better than perfect!





Sunday; January 10, 10 a.m.,

Palais de Genovia Chapel




Oh, my God, I have only been Michael's girlfriend for twenty-three days, and already I suck at it. The girlfriend thing, I mean.

I can't even figure out what to get him for his birthday. He is the love of my life, the reason my heart beats. You would think

I would know what to get the guy.

But God no. I haven't got a clue.

Tina says the only appropriate thing to get for a boy you have only been officially dating for less than four weeks is a sweater. And she says even that is pushing it as Michael and I have not even been out on an official date yet, so technically, how can

we be dating?

But a sweater? I mean, that is so unromantic. It is the kind of thing I would get my dad — if he wasn't so in need of anger-management manuals, which is what I got for him for Christmas. I would get a sweater for my stepdad for sure.

But my boyfriend?

I was kind of surprised Tina would suggest something so banal, as she is basically the resident romance expert of our little group. But Tina says the rules about what to give boys are actually very strict. Her mom told them to her. Tina's mom used to be a model and international jet-setter who once dated a sultan, so I guess she would know. The rules for presents for guys, according to Mrs Hakim Baba, go:

Length of Time Going Out:                                                             Appropriate Gift:

1-4 months                                                                                Sweater

5—8 months                                                                             Cologne

9-12 months                                                                             Cigarette lighter*

1 year +                                                                                    Watch


*Mrs Hakim Baba says that for a non-smoker, an engraved pocket knife or brandy flask may be substituted.


But this is better at least than Grandmere's list of what is appropriate to give boyfriends, which she presented to

me yesterday, as soon as I mentioned to her my horrible faux pas of missing Michael's birthday. Her list goes:

Length of Time Going Out:                                                          Appropriate Gift:

1—4 months                                                                           Candy

5-8 months                                                                              Book