Or, as a chum of mine said who went to see a friend in prison: “Brown simply isn’t Gordon’s colour.”

Well dressed men always seem to get someone else to wear their suits in for them. Sexual Norm wears a blazer with a Rotary Club badge, a club tie with shields on it, and a battery of fountain pens in his breast pocket which leak onto his white nylon shirt when he presses himself against girls.



HAIR

Very few Englishmen seem to realise the importance of having their hair cut properly.

They also seem to have no control over their barbers. Having just grown their hair to a reasonable length over their collars, they suddenly start muttering about having too many wisps round their ears or the older men in the office looking disapproving, and disappear to their barbers. They emerge with their sideboards shaven, absolutely nonexistent back, front and sides, and looking just about as gruesomely sexless as soldiers used to on their first leave from National Service.


“But, Celia, I’m working until 3 every morning. How do you expect me to get it cut?”