In due course Charles and the Queen returned to Hampton Court and it was arranged that I should follow later. I would need a little rest, Charles said, after the rigors of the journey, for he knew how I loathed those sea crossings.

I was not sorry to have a quiet time to myself.

James Crofts had gone off with the King’s party and just a few of my intimates remained so I looked forward to a few peaceful days before we moved on. It was pleasant to sit quietly overlooking the river and talk in a desultory way to Henry, whose conversation I always found so amusing.

Henry was a man who always seemed to know what was going on. He could sniff out scandals and rumors and devote himself to the task of discovering the truth behind them; and it was only to be expected that he must know of the troubles between the King and his new Queen.

I said that I thought Charles was extremely lucky in his Queen and how delighted I was that they seemed so happy.

“Ah,” said Henry, “I am not sure that the Queen is so happy.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

Henry’s eyes were sparkling. He loved imparting gossip, although as this concerned my son he was quickly looking rather grave.

“The Queen is hurt and angry.”

“She did not appear to be so.”

“She would not wish you to know of her troubles as soon as you arrived.”

“What troubles are these?”

“The King’s mistress. It is Barbara Castlemaine who is at the root of the trouble.”

“I have heard her name.”

“Dearest Majesty, who has not heard of her name? She has completely enslaved the King. She is a most handsome woman…the most beautiful in England, some say…and a virago into the bargain. It is she who is causing the trouble between the King and the Queen.”

“She was his mistress…was she not?…before the Queen arrived in England?”

“Before and after, dear lady. And now the King wants to make her one of the women of the bedchamber.”

“No! Surely not.”

“I will tell you what happened. When the list was presented to the Queen, Barbara Castlemaine’s name was at the top of it. She struck it through. Later the King led in the Castlemaine and presented her to the Queen, who received her graciously and gave her her hand to be kissed. She was not familiar with English, and although she must have heard of the Castlemaine and her place in the King’s affections, she did not recognize her name when it was written down and so behaved in a welcoming way. Then one of her women whispered to her who the lady was, and the Queen was so shocked and tried so hard to restrain her feelings that the blood gushed from her nose and she fell to the floor in a fit.”

“The poor child! Charles should have known better.”

“Charles was horrified at her behavior. You see, Madam, he is completely under the spell of the Castlemaine. He said the Queen had behaved badly and incorrectly and should make amends to the lady.”

“Charles said that!”

“I agree that it was most unlike him but when the best of us are in the wrong we seek to make our actions right and perhaps act as we would not in other circumstances. Catherine however refused to receive the lady, and Charles insists that she should.”

“It is monstrous!” I cried.

“Clarendon tried to persuade the King that he was acting unkindly and the King doubtless knew it and it was against his nature to act so, but as I said he is the slave of my lady Castlemaine.”

I was very angry because I had taken a great liking to the Queen on sight. I thought she was a gentle woman who would be amenable and want to learn; moreover she was an ardent Catholic and I thought that she would be a good influence on Charles.

What a situation to find as soon as I arrived in England! I sat for a long time talking it over with Henry.

“Whenever I come to this country there is trouble,” I said. “Oh, Henry, how I long to be back at Chaillot or Colombes.”

Then I thought of all that was happening in France and of my dear Henriette, whose life was presenting many problems, and suddenly I felt old and for the first time in my life indifferent to the actions of my family. They were men and women now—no longer children. I felt a great urge to cut myself off from trouble, to live in that little château of Colombes where I could surround myself with trusted friends. Most of them were as old as I—or almost. We understood each other. There we could live in peace.

My great desire now was to go back there. I did not want conflict with Charles for I had a feeling that he would always get the better of me. I did not want to quarrel with James and I knew we should if I attempted to tell him where he was wrong. And Henriette had shown me that even she would go her own way. They were the only ones left to me and I did not want to quarrel with any of them.

It seemed a wise decision. Charles and Catherine sorted out their differences about Lady Castlemaine. He had his way—I have come now to think he always did—and Catherine, while accepting Lady Castlemaine and his other mistresses, did not seem to love him any less.

Charles had arranged for me to stay at Greenwich until Somerset House could be ready. Like many beautiful places in England it had been ravaged by Oliver Cromwell and for a while I lived between Greenwich Palace and Denmark House. I was pleased when I could get into Somerset House which was not until late summer. I found that since I had decided to let them all go their own way and not worry too much about the mistakes they were making, they all seemed to like me so much better.

I was very fond of the Queen and she visited me often. She was a sad little creature and I am sure felt very much alone. She longed for a child but although she had miscarriages and so could not be barren, she did not seem to be able to produce a healthy one. It was a great disappointment to Charles but far more so to her. He knew he was not at fault because he had numerous bastards and he never refused to recognize any of them.

I longed to be in my native land. I hated the London winters which seemed so cold, but most of all I disliked the fogs. They affected my chest and I told myself that I must get back to France before long. I was expected to live in England mainly because Charles had given me a pension and Clarendon had wanted the money spent in England to give employment to English people. To have spent it in France would have been tantamount to the English crown’s paying money to that country. So although there was no objection to my visiting France now and then, it was expected of me to make my home in England.

I was a little happier when I was installed in Somerset House. The Roundheads had actually occupied it and at first that made it distasteful to me. They had broken up the beautiful rooms but as was to be expected their most devastating work had been in my chapel; but a great deal of reconstruction had been done and I began to take an interest because I was introducing my own designs. I had the ceilings exquisitely painted and chandeliers of gilded brass installed. It was becoming magnificent and I was able to live there royally. I had crimson silk hung at the windows and beautiful screens made to keep out the draughts which blew in from the river. There was one room with a domed roof overlooking gardens which ran down to the river and from this there was a private staircase which led to a room where I could take hot and cold baths. Gardeners had set to work in the grounds, making paths down to the river so that I could walk without getting my feet muddy. I wanted to make it as different as it possibly could be from when those men had filled it with their ugly presence.

Then I had my household with my dear Henry Jermyn, Lord St. Albans, as Chancellor, at the head of it; I had my Gentlemen of Music, Master of Games and Buckhounds and Bows. Whenever I went out it was in my Sedan chair or coach and I was accompanied by my halberdiers in black cassocks with embroidered gold badges; I had my twelve liveried bargemen to row me when I decided to travel by river. I lived royally. I thought I owed that to myself and to Charles. I wanted to wipe out forever the indignities I had suffered; and for so long I had lived parsimoniously saving everything I could to bring back the King to England.

Well, now it was done and it was my turn to enjoy luxury, to remind myself that I was no longer a poor relation. I was a royal Queen and now I would live like one.

I was very much in debt when Somerset House was finished and that disturbed me a little. Then I saw that it gave me an excuse to live quietly which I had discovered was what I wanted.

Many people came to see me and boats were constantly passing along the river. I gave concerts and in summer evenings the strains of sweet music would float along the river. There was always plenty to see from my windows because there was so much activity on the river. I was finding that I could be much happier if I did not allow myself to be tempted to tell people how they should act. I enjoyed my new role—observer rather than participator. Henry Jermyn agreed with me. When I looked back I realized that he had always been like that. Perhaps that was why he was a happy man. He had become fat and suffered from gout but he was the dearest companion and I enjoyed his company better than that of any other person.

I rarely made a decision now without first consulting him. I suppose that was why there were rumors about us. There were many who were absolutely sure that we were married. Some even credited me with having had a child by him. We laughed together at these rumors but we took no heed of them and continued to enjoy our pleasant relationship.