But as I said we sorted out the good friends from the false. Men like the Earl of Holland and the Earl of Essex made excuses to retire from Court and in my newly found wisdom I knew what that meant.

We became really alarmed when the mobs started to roam the streets. They carried placards on which was written the one word: Liberty. I did not know what they meant by that. Did they think they would have greater liberty under the stern Parliamentarians’ Puritan rule than they did under that of the King?

My mother was gone; the Pope’s envoy was gone. What did they want of us now?

Charles was afraid for me because it was against me that the might of their venom was turned. He thought it better for us to leave Whitehall and we prepared to go.

It was a terrible journey. We sat there in the gilded coach which had so recently carried us through cheering crowds and as we went, faces looked in at us…frightening faces, hating, leering, threatening…I knew not what.

How glad I was to leave Westminster behind and come to the green fields surrounding Hampton but the mansion itself, although always beautiful and a place I had especially loved, now held memories of a wild-eyed gypsy holding a mirror to our eyes.

When we entered it seemed dark and unwelcoming. No one came out to attend to the carriage. Our guards helped us to alight and the air struck cold as we entered. There were no fires to greet us and no apartments had been made ready.

All through the night the King and I, with our three children Charles, Mary and James, shivered in one room.

“At least,” I said to Charles, “we are all together.”

“We cannot stay here,” he replied. “Tomorrow we will leave for Windsor.”

This we did and what a comfort it was to see the beautiful castle, which looked so strong and royal that there seemed a special significance in it at this time. I was so glad to escape from the cold unwelcoming ambience of Hampton, which I felt I could never really like again whatever happened.

“We must be prepared,” said the King. “Pym and his friends know that I would have impeached them. They will do everything they can to raise the country against me. It is going to be a matter of deciding between the King and the Parliament. I put my faith in my loyal subjects.”

“There are countless numbers of them,” said Denbigh. “We will call them together. They will all understand the menace of the Puritans.”

I said: “We must raise money and I am the best one to do that. I am sure that I could persuade my brother to help us if I could only see him.”

They looked at me expectantly and I was thinking: If only I could do something really wonderful! If only I could make up for this terrible thing I have done. I was sure that they all blamed me for the position in which we now found ourselves. The arrest of those ringleaders would have stemmed the tide against us. Charles was the only one who tried to pretend that it was not so very important.

I was desperate to show him what I would do for him.

It seemed to be a good idea. Help was desperately needed. The Pope’s conditions were too harsh. In exchange for helping Charles to keep his throne the Holy Father was demanding that he act in such a manner as could not end in anything but his losing it. The people of England would never accept a Catholic king. I knew that now. Our friends did not forget for one moment that I was the sister of the King of France and, although they did not expect altruism from Louis, they knew that he would not want to see a monarch deposed. There was a possibility, therefore, that he would give aid, and who better to plead for it than his sister?

I rather pinned my hopes on the Prince of Orange. He was so delighted to have secured our Princess that he might be willing to give money or arms. I warmed to the project. I would go to Holland on the pretext that I was taking my daughter to her husband.

“The Parliament did not agree to your leaving the country before,” Denbigh pointed out.

“I will leave this time with their permission or without it and I will take valuables with me so that I can barter for what we need.”

The King looked at me with pride. He said: “I shall have to go to Hull, so we should be separated in any case. At Hull there is the store of ammunition which is in readiness for attacking the Scots. If I can secure that I shall be ready to face my enemies if need be.”

This then was to be our plan. The King would go to Hull so that if necessary he would have the means to fight. In the meantime with or without Parliament’s permission I would take my daughter to Holland.

“We should first wait for permission,” said Charles, eager to keep everything peaceful for as long as he could, and to our amazement no objection was raised to my leaving the country with my daughter.

I said we must go with all haste in case they changed their minds and tried to stop us and everyone agreed that this should be so.

Charles conducted us to the coast. First we stayed in Canterbury, where the cold of the February winds was more bearable than the coldness in my heart. I was to leave Charles and as ever when he said goodbye to me I asked myself when we should meet again.

I tried to smile. I told him that the project was going to be successful and in time our troubles would pass away. There would be no black-clad grim-faced Puritans to spoil our happiness.

“It is going to be so hard without you,” said Charles. “When you are with me nothing else seems of any great importance.”

“I know,” I answered. “So it is with me. But all is going to come right in the end. Sometimes I feel that happiness like ours has to be fought for…paid for. My love, I am going to bring back such aid for your cause that we shall beat those rebels into the ground.”

“My fierce little general,” he said, “don’t stay away too long.”

“Not for a moment longer than I can help,” I assured him, “and our reunion will be the sweeter for our having been parted for this little while.”

I wished we could have lingered in Canterbury beneath the shadow of the great cathedral but we had to pass on with all speed, for who knew when our enemies might change their minds and try to stop my departure?

The next day we left for Dover. It was a brave sight to see the Dutch ships in the harbor—a squadron of fifteen commanded by Admiral van Tromp.

I said to Charles: “How eager they are to have their little Princess. I am sure they will want to help her father and mother.”

A surprise awaited us, for with the fleet had come Prince Rupert, who had visited us earlier with his brother, Charles Louis. We had been amused at the time of Mary’s wedding because Charles Louis had refused to come. He had been sulking because Mary was marrying the Prince of Orange instead of him. Rupert, however, had been there and this bright handsome young man seemed to be really fond of us.

He greeted us with affection and said that he had heard there was trouble in England and that he would put himself at the disposal of his uncle to fight those miserable Puritans.

Charles thanked him and said there was no question of war and he thought that all sensible people realized that that was the last thing that would do anyone good. He was thankful to say it had not come to that and he fervently hoped it never would.

Rupert was clearly disappointed and as he did not wish to stay in England if there was no fighting to be done, he said he would go back to Holland with us and protect me and my daughter.

Charles replied that he would indeed be grateful to his dear nephew if he would do that.

“The Queen is my most precious jewel,” he said. “Care for her and you serve me in the way for which I am most grateful.”

So it was agreed that Rupert should return with us.

The last farewell! I shall never forget it. It is one of those memories which stay with me forever.

To draw attention from his real purpose, which was to go to Hull where the stacks of ammunition were being held, Charles was dressed in hunting clothes. He had let it be known that after saying goodbye to me he was going north on a hunting expedition.

He kissed first our daughter, then he turned to me and held me in his arms. He kissed me again and again. Then he released me only to catch me up in his arms once more.

“How am I going to live without you?” he demanded.

“In the same way as I must perforce live without you.”

“Oh, my dearest, don’t go. Never leave me.”

“I will come back with riches…with what we need to fight our enemies. Then, my dearest love, we shall be together and live happily for as long as our lives shall last.”

More kisses. More embraces. We could not bring ourselves to release each other.

But I must go and at last I reluctantly tore myself away. He stood watching me as I went aboard. I stood on deck, he on the shore, and we looked longingly at each other until the ship began to move slowly away.

Then he galloped along the cliff, his hat in his hand waving…waving….

I could not see him clearly for the tears in my eyes, but I went on waving until he was out of sight.

SHE—MAJESTY—GENERALISSIMA

I hated the sea. When I was sailing it always seemed to put on its most malevolent aspect, and we were only a little way off the English coast when the storms arose. These journeys always seemed endless, but at least the stormy weather took my mind off my parting with Charles. I was in a state of anxiety most of the time, not so much from fear of drowning as that the ships carrying my plate and valuables would be lost.